Episode 77: How Self-Awareness Can Transform Your Relationship

Is your partner trying to help but totally missing the mark?

This episode in the Love After Kids series, breaks down why self-awareness is the foundation for feeling seen, supported, and connected in your marriage—especially after kids.

Let’s talk about what it really means to know your needs and express them clearly (without guilt or guessing games).

✨ Inside this episode:

• How self-awareness shifts your communication.
• Why you might feel unsupported—even when your partner is “trying.”
• How being in touch with your emotions helps deepen connection.
• What process groups are and why they build relationship skills.
• Ways to get clearer about what support actually looks like for you.

This is a must-listen if your relationship feels stuck and you’re ready for real connection again.

Helpful Links: 

Men's Group Waitlist 

Thank you so much for joining me this week on today's episode. Be sure to follow me on IG @therapy.with.kayla

I love hearing about your insights and aha! moments from the show. 

About the Podcast Host
Kayla Nettleton is a TX-based licensed therapist, business owner, and mom of 3.

In her private practice, Kayla helps women break free from cycles of anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. Her holistic approach guides clients toward authentic, fulfilling lives by reconnecting with their intuition, setting boundaries, and building confidence.

Kayla also works with couples, especially parents balancing marriage and family. She offers both traditional couples therapy and focused intensives (6 to 18 hours) to help partners address key issues like communication, trust, and intimacy.

Through empathy and effective therapeutic tools, Kayla helps couples reconnect, thrive, and create healthier, more supportive relationships. Her practice transforms self-doubt and disconnection into growth, healing, and lasting change.

Find Kayla on

IG: @therapy.with.kayla

TikTok: therapy.with.kayla

YouTube: The Modern Mom's Roadmap to Balance Podcast

Email: kayla@kaylanettleton.com

Free Consultation: Schedule a Free 20 minute therapy consultation here.

Transcript

kayla_1_05-29-2025_124404: 1:04

Hey everyone and welcome back to the Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance podcast. I'm your host Kayla Ton, and we're continuing our journey into the Love After Kids series. And one thing that I wanted to address first is, are y'all doing okay? for me, it's like the last week of school for my kids. My son actually ended school last week and this is the final week of school for my middle child. I know this episode release is Tuesday, but I'm recording this the Thursday before, so Friday is the last day of school also for my daughter. she's gonna be transitioning into a new school next year. So there's like a lot of emotions. There's a lot of stress, A lot is happening for us over here, and I know that many of you might be feeling the same way, even if your kids aren't starting. A new school, like starting a new grade that can be a lot, especially if they're transitioning to elementary school or middle school or high school. Like a lot is going on. A lot can happen in the last few weeks, of school. I mean for us, like there was so much that popped up. Even from outside of school. we had a soccer tournament last week that was very last minute. And right now we're in another soccer tournament this week, and my son might have a game tomorrow. So it's just a lot of stuff happening and it's one of those things like I, I think I had even seen a reel. if I can find it, I'll go back and post and, um, I can't even, I don't even know what the song was, but it was something along the lines of Oh, right, like you don't have anything to do, let's do all of these other things. And it's just all of the stuff it was really trying to highlight all of these things that can pop up at the end of the year. And so as we go into summer, because this is initially started off as a podcast focused for moms, like I know a lot of us moms can have a lot on our plate, especially in the summertime. And so I usually take a pause. On the podcast during the summertime because it's hard to find guests in the summer because they're also with their kids. People are vacationing and this is also a really great opportunity for you if you're kind of newer to listening to go back and listen to the other episodes that we've recorded the other episodes I've recorded with guests and I promise, like in this Next year of the podcast. So in August, when we come back to releasing new episodes, I'm gonna have more guests. There might be a little bit of changes in the direction of the podcast because I've really been loving the conversations around couples and deepening the connection and regaining that connection after kids, because this is such an important topic to talk about And one of the reasons I feel strongly about that is your marriage is so important to the stability of your family. and I strongly believe too, that if we have strong marriages, then moms are also being strongly supported. And I'm a huge advocate for women and moms being supported in the way that they need the support So that's part of the reason why I really wanna kind of like, dive deeper into this direction, and also recognizing some of the things that men are also needing and support and kind of learning how to connect with their emotions and also coming to terms that. Connecting with your emotions doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be emotional in that negative term that people think when we're thinking about emotion, right? Like when someone says oh, you're just so emotional. usually what they're meaning is like, you are so out of control, right? It's not that emotions are bad. I mean, that person's probably thinking that, but you can be emotional without. Having your emotions being the one in control, I hope that's landing like you can be able to experience your emotion without your emotions being the driver of your behavior. Let me say that again. You can experience your emotions. Without having your emotions being the driver of your behavior. And I think that's where many of us kind of fear, like if I'm in touch with my emotion, if I am feeling emotions and being emotional, that means that I'm going to be out of control. And all of this stuff is kind of twisting around in my head of how can I. Help you as a couple, you and your husband, you and your wife. Like how can I help y'all get connected while also gaining a deeper understanding of yourselves? Because I'm also like a huge believer that in order for us to build connection with each other, we also have to. Have a connection with ourself and an understanding and an acceptance of ourselves. And yes, those things can happen at the same time, but if we don't have the greatest relationship with ourself, or if we are so out of touch with our needs and our desires, then it's really gonna have an impact on your relationships. Because what happens is we then turn to our relationships to fill those needs that we can't even fully grasp or vocalize what those are. And when we can't do that, like when we can't vocalize our needs or when we're not like in tune with ourself, it really messes with our relationships. But. What you can do about it. Like what is helpful is learning more about yourself, learning more about your needs on a level to where you can then vocalize and give examples of those things, like real tangible examples. I know in the last episode, with the last two episodes, really I highlighted. A freebie that I recently created to help you verbalize what your needs are, and then also be able to reflect on what does that look like in real life? Like we can say, I need to feel supported, but in what way? Right. Because my version of being supported is going to be very different than your version of being supported. And that might also look different for your partner. So when you say like, I really need you to support me, what's going to happen is they're going to support you in the way that they probably want to receive support, and that builds disconnection because then the argument happens of like I told you I needed you to support me, but you're not supporting me. And then your partner's going like, oh, well I thought I was supporting you, because they don't have tangible examples of what we often mean. And part of that is sometimes because we don't even know what that really looks like for us, what we actually mean. And so I hope you are taking care of yourself in this. A season of craziness that often comes with the beginning of summer. And I know for our kids, summertime is, a time to like have fun and rest and relax, but oftentimes the drivers of that is the parents, which can sometimes mean that we're running and trying to figure out how to give them this fun and relaxing time. And so that often means that I want you to try and pay more attention to yourself, the things that are coming up for you, and making sure that you're doing things to support yourself and also give you some space and relaxation as well during this crazy time. But one thing I really wanted to highlight today is a new group that I've created for. Women in their thirties and forties who are married and who want support in figuring this stuff out. when we struggle with communicating what our needs are, or we think we're being clear, but things are not necessarily clicking for our partner. It's not always our partner. Sometimes our version of being clear is not necessarily clear, but the only way to know that is if we take the time to really process and reflect on our own communication. And one of the ways to get that is through a process group. Okay. And so what is a process group? An interpersonal process group, or process group is a great space for those looking to dive deeper into their emotions and connect with others in a safe, supportive environment. So let's break that down Even further. Okay. So these process groups are designed to help you explore your emotions and the dynamics of your relationships with others. while people in the group. Often share some commonality. So in this particular group that I'm talking about, the commonality will be your married women in your thirties and forties. And part of the benefit of this group is that other people in the group might not be people that you will have met outside of the group or maybe people that you might not have even connected to or tried to connect to. Outside the group and the real magic of process groups is in the way that they can help you gain a deeper understanding of your self-awareness, especially when it comes to understanding how your interactions with others play a role in your personal growth. So in these groups. As participants, like the participants guide the discussion and myself being your therapist and facilitator, I'm there to offer insight into how what's being discussed can apply to your relationships, both with others and with yourself. So let me talk a little bit about. The benefits of an interpersonal process group. Okay, so some of these benefits include gaining clarity on how you impact others and how they impact you. Becoming more aware of your emotions as they come up in real time. So like in the group, as you're going through this process group, things are gonna come up for you, and that's what we're going to explore. other benefits are receiving support and validation from others who can relate to your experiences. Feeling safe to be vulnerable, and explore your emotions, connecting with people who face similar struggles or have had similar experiences. Develop important skills like empathy, communication, and collaboration, and holding yourself accountable for behaviors or thought patterns that are negatively affecting your relationships. so if you're still wondering, like, well, I don't know, is this process group for me? some questions that you might ask is if you're unsure of whether this type of group is right for you. Like, take a moment to ask yourself some of these questions. Do you want to understand more about how your actions affect others and how others actions affect you? Do you struggle with assertive communication? Do you often worry about how others think of you? Do you find it difficult to identify or express your feelings if you answered yes, any of those questions and you are looking to connect On a deeper level with other people and you want to grow, then a process group is likely the right group for you. And this group in particular that I'm talking about specifically for women in their thirties and forties who are married and who are likely struggling in their relationship in a way that they're wanting to have a deeper connection with their spouse. But it hasn't happened. And some of the common challenges that we're gonna explore are feeling like you're the only one trying, saying, I'm fine. When you're actually not feeling like you're doing it all, but also feeling resentful for it. maybe you're struggling to express your needs without guilt or maybe you fear conflict or being seen as too much. And so, like, my hope is that by being a part of this group, that you'll walk away with tools to express yourself clearly and calmly. Increase confidence in setting boundaries and speaking your truth. A space to be supported and not judged. Connection with other women who get it, and a renewed sense of self and clarity about your needs. And this is going to be a virtual group. So although I am based in Del Roe, Texas, you do not have to be in Del Rio to be a part of this group. you just would need to be in Texas to be a part of this group. So if you or someone you know in Texas would benefit from this group. you can schedule a consultation or if you prefer, you can also join the wait list and I'll contact you directly, but scheduling a consultation will, one, also get you on the wait list, but it, let's you know even further that you have interest in the group. and we would have a conversation about that to see if this would be a good match for you. But I know that the idea of a group can feel scary, but what I want you to understand is being a part of a group can be so much more beneficial than individual therapy, especially if you've been in therapy before and have learned skills. There's a lot of stuff that we're not really aware of because. In society, we don't give feedback to each other, right? like if someone rubbed us the wrong way, we're taught to kind of just ignore it and not to really tell them especially if they didn't do this on purpose, for one, we don't know. And then two, we're just supposed to ignore it and walk away and like just never have those people in our life. Right. Well, in the group we are exploring our. Our dynamics with other people in the group and our interactions and how we respond to each other and the things that come up for us. And so in that we learn to vocalize these things with each other. Not to say that that's how we are supposed to, act and respond outside of the group, but there's real power and clarity that can come from. verbalizing all of the things and noticing all of the things that are coming up for you. so, if you are already in individual therapy, this also can be a great, addition to the therapy that you're already receiving because I would likely, be in contact with the therapist that you're working with so that we can Continue, with the best treatment for you. but I'm very, very excited for this new group. And I recently sent out, an announcement to my email list for a men's group that I'm also doing. I'm not gonna really talk about the men's group here, but I'll put the flyer for the men's group. I'll attach it to the show notes. it's going to be, very similar, except it's going to be for men but for the men's group, you don't have to be married. And, it's not limited to like thirties and forties. so there's a little bit of a difference, so I'll put the information for the men's group. So if you, know someone who would be interested in that or who is looking for some type of support, because oftentimes it can feel like us as women are doing all of the work and I wanted to create a space for men to have the opportunity to do that work for themselves as well. for those who are wanting more for themself and their relationship. So. I hope that you have this smooth summer and that your plans go as planned, and if they don't, that you can navigate them easily. again, like I said at the beginning, we are going to pause a podcast for the summer. I may or may not have like one episode maybe in June and July just to kind of like say, hey. but we will definitely for sure be back in August. but again, this is really to give myself a break and give me some time to find some other great guests to appear on the show. and of course if you ever have any questions, you're more than welcome to reach out to me at kayla@kaylamiddleton.com. Or you can also find me at Therapy dot Kayla on Instagram or TikTok. and if. You enjoyed the show or know someone who would benefit from the show, please send it over to them. Share this episode and good luck with your summer.