The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Is it really possible to find balance as a mom? Each week, I'll be bringing you inspiring chats, interviews, and dialogues all based around helping moms like you unlock their potential and lead the balanced life they want. If you enjoy listening to topics that help you lead a more balanced life, then you've come to the right place. I'm obsessed with helping moms lead the life they want without the guilt.
With the right information and support, you can find balance in motherhood without sacrificing your needs.
The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Episode 70: Stop Comparing Your Marriage to Everyone Else’s (Especially on Social Media)
It’s easy to believe that if you and your partner could just communicate better everything would fall into place. But what if communication isn’t the real problem? Ever catch yourself thinking, "Why can't my relationship look like theirs?" In this episode of Love After Kids series, I’m talking about something so many of us do without even realizing it — comparing our relationship to others.
We’ll chat about why comparison is so tempting (especially on social media), how it can quietly erode connection in your relationship, and what to focus on instead.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
• How to start creating a relationship where you both feel seen and heard again.
• Why comparison shows up most in motherhood and marriage.
• How social media can create unrealistic expectations.
• A mindset shift to create a relationship that actually works for you.
This episode is your reminder that the healthiest relationships aren’t picture-perfect — they’re built with intention, communication, and a whole lot of grace.
🎧 Tune in now!
Thank you so much for joining me this week on today's episode. Be sure to follow me on IG @therapy.with.kayla
I love hearing about your insights and aha! moments from the show.
About the Podcast Host
Kayla Nettleton is a licensed TX-based therapist, business owner, mom of 3, and marketing coach for therapists.
In her private practice, Kayla helps women break free from cycles of anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. Her holistic approach guides clients toward authentic, fulfilling lives by reconnecting with their intuition, setting boundaries, and building confidence.
Kayla also works with couples, especially parents balancing marriage and family. She offers both traditional couples therapy and focused intensives (6 to 18 hours) to help partners address key issues like communication, trust, and intimacy.
Through empathy and effective therapeutic tools, Kayla helps couples reconnect, thrive, and create healthier, more supportive relationships—benefiting the entire family. Her practice transforms self-doubt and disconnection into growth, healing, and lasting change.
Find Kayla on IG: @therapy.with.kayla
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Find Kayla On YouTube: The Modern Mom's Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Email: kayla@kaylanettleton.com
Free Consultation: Schedule a Free 20 minute therapy consultation ...
Hello. Hello everyone and welcome back to the Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance podcast. I'm your host, Kayla Nettleton, and today we're diving into another special episode of Love After Kids. So last week I had created a post for Instagram, and it was basically talking about my two roles I have as a couple's therapist. Number one being never compare your relationship to anyone else's. And number two, being always listen to rule number one. the reason that I tell everyone never compare your relationship to anyone else's is because, for one, you have no idea what people have going on in their lives that you are not able to see. So when we make comparisons, those comparisons are really just on. What we are able to see, what they are choosing to show us. And the other thing, whenever it is that we're making comparisons, a lot of the times, it means that we're focusing on all of the negative things in our relationship. And someone had asked me the question of is it a bad thing if I'm comparing my relationship to myself? And at first I was like. Hmm. Well, I mean, what do you mean by that? And this person was talking about how they will look at other couples and be like, oh, I wish we had that, or, I wish we did that. And that's still comparing your relationship to someone else's based on only what you see. And when you're only looking at the negative. You're gonna continue to see just the negative, because that's how our brain works. Our brain likes things to be easy. So if we're thinking a bunch of negative things about our relationship, or about your marriage, or about how you are the only one doing everything, it's gonna continue to show you all of the negative things that are happening within your relationship. And it's gonna be a really hard time to see any of the good and positive things or things that. You enjoy about your relationship and when we can only see the negative, that means you're in a really bad spot, which isn't helpful because when you do want to make changes, it's just gonna be that much harder to make those changes when all you can see is negative. So you don't wanna put yourself in a spot where you're just focusing on all of the negative. So then what? Right? Like. You do wanna be able to make changes. You do want to acknowledge and notice things that you want changed, but we don't wanna do it in a sense that we're comparing ourselves to others as in thinking things like, oh, they must have it all together. Or, oh, look at them. They're so in love. they never left the honeymoon phase. They have it all together and we're over here being held on by a string, right? Or we're over here always with the kids and never having time to ourself You don't know what's going on behind closed doors, and if you are always with your kids and still connecting with each other, there's nothing wrong with that. The comparison hurts us when we think that there are other things that we should be doing in order for your relationship to be healthy. But you get to determine how your relationship is, what you want in your relationship and what is comfortable for you. No one else can tell you what is comfortable for you. So one thing I want you to think about is what is the state of my relationship right now? Am I spending the time that I want to spend with my partner? do I feel like we are working as a team together? Or do you feel like maybe you are doing more than your partner? Are you okay with that? Is that a problem for you? Do you feel like you have time for yourself? Do you wish you had more alone time with your partner? These are all good questions to ask yourself because if you're only focusing on, oh, I wish I had that. Or I wish we could go on these week long vacations without the kids because someone on Instagram or someone you follow on Facebook is doing that. That's just going to hurt you because think about it is that really what you want? Or is it really that you're wanting more intentional time with your partner? More one-on-one time with your partner? Is it really about that week long vacation? Sure. That sounds really nice, right? A week long vacation without the kids, but that might not actually be something you want. I have friends who don't want to be apart from their kids that long. That's not a priority for them, or that just doesn't sound fun for them because they really enjoy spending time as a family. But they're okay with doing one or two nights on their own, and that's enough for them. When you give yourself the space to think about what is enough for me, and ask your partner, Hey, what's enough for you? What is it that you are needing? What is it that you are wishing that we could do together? Are there ways that I can support you this week or this month or this year? Are there goals that you want to achieve that I can help you with? And ask yourself the same thing. Are there goals that you want to achieve that your partner can help you with? Are there ways that your partner can support you this week? When we can look at that, instead of comparing ourselves to the other couples that we see, you're gonna put yourself in a better spot. Then comparing yourself to something you see that they have and think that you don't. And I am being very particular and intentional in the words that I'm using today because is we're only comparing what we see and because we can't see what other people might be hiding or what's happening behind closed doors and. Social media makes it really hard for us to remember that because they are pushing the good stuff. They're pushing the good stuff, and then they're also pushing our spirals where we're doubting ourselves and and doubting our relationships and sending us into these spirals of, if they're doing this, then it must mean they're having an affair or. If they're not giving you this type of attention, then it means they are checked out of the relationship when in reality everybody's relationship is different. Some things people are okay with. I had someone ask me, is it weird that we mostly communicate through text? I mean, that would be weird for my relationship because I can't. Just communicate through text. I like communicating through actual talking things out with my partner there with me, not over the phone, but if you and your partner prefer texting because I mean, I didn't know this person, this was a radio question, but what if they work opposite shifts? And so their only opportunity for communication really is through text, and that is working for them. That is keeping them connected. That's not weird at all, but if one of them is craving the actual talking communication, then something can change. But it's not really for us to say like, well, that's weird. That's weird that they're doing that. That's weird to you because that is not usual. Or maybe you can't see yourself doing the same thing. And so the message that I really want you to really take from today is do not compare your relationship to someone else's if you are okay with how things are. If you are feeling good in your relationship, if you're feeling safe, if you are feeling heard and that's what you want, then there's nothing wrong with your relationship. But if there are things that are missing for you, then it's okay to make tweaks and changes. It's okay to look and think about what it is that you do want. And make the steps to make those changes. But if all you're doing is comparing your relationship to someone else's and not doing anything about it, not trying to bring this to the attention of your partner, or not trying to make any maybe internal changes to yourself, that's just gonna further hurt your relationship because you are just dwelling on all of that negativity. but I hope that you were able to take at least something small out of today's episode. And if you only took, don't compare your relationship to anyone else's, then that's great. I love doing these mini episodes because as a mom, I know it can be really difficult to sit and listen through a whole one hour episode, but these small bite size episodes can be helpful to listen to on your way to school, drop off or on your way back home for school, drop off something that you can do for yourself. And if you have a question that you want me to answer on the show. Go ahead and send those in. You can email me at kayla@kaylanettleton.com or you can send me a DM on Instagram with a question that you want me to answer. And so I hope you have a good rest of your week, and I will talk to you soon.