The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Is it really possible to find balance as a mom? Each week, I'll be bringing you inspiring chats, interviews, and dialogues all based around helping moms like you unlock their potential and lead the balanced life they want. If you enjoy listening to topics that help you lead a more balanced life, then you've come to the right place. I'm obsessed with helping moms lead the life they want without the guilt.
With the right information and support, you can find balance in motherhood without sacrificing your needs.
The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Episode 64: Love, Stress, and Parenthood: Finding Intimacy in the Chaos With Special Guest Dr. Brittany McGeehan
Let’s be real—keeping your marriage strong after kids is hard. Between the sleepless nights, endless to-do lists, and the constant pull of responsibilities, it’s easy for your relationship to take a backseat. But what if I told you that connection doesn’t have to be complicated?
In today’s episode, I’m joined by Dr. Brittany McGeehan, a licensed psychologist and performance mindset coach who specializes in helping high-achieving women break free from self-abandonment and build trust in themselves and their relationships. We dive deep into how couples can navigate stress, stay connected, and create intimacy—even in the middle of parenting chaos.
What you’ll walk away with today:
- How to stop treating your partner like another item on your to-do list.
- Why “fixing” isn’t the answer—what your partner actually needs from you.
- The power of small, intentional moments to build intimacy.
- How humor and play can help you navigate tough seasons together.
- Why prioritizing yourself first is the secret to a thriving relationship.
This episode will remind you that even in the busiest seasons of life, your relationship is worth the effort. Tune in now!
Helpful Links:
Website: https://brittanymcgeehanphd.com/
Social Media Handles
LinkedIn: Dr. Brittany M.
Facebook: Dr. Brittany McGeehan
About the Podcast Host
Kayla Nettleton is a licensed TX-based therapist, business owner, mom of 3, and marketing coach for therapists.
In her private practice, Kayla helps women break free from cycles of anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. Her holistic approach guides clients toward authentic, fulfilling lives by reconnecting with their intuition, setting boundaries, and building confidence.
Kayla also works with couples, especially parents balancing marriage and family. She offers both traditional couples therapy and focused intensives (6 to 18 hours) to help partners address key issues like communication, trust, and intimacy.
Through empathy and effective therapeutic tools, Kayla helps couples reconnect, thrive, and create healthier, more supportive relationships—benefiting the entire family. Her practice transforms self-doubt and disconnection into growth, healing, and lasting change.
Find Kayla on IG
@therapy.with.kayla
Email: kayla@kaylanettleton.com
Free Consultation: Schedule a Free 20 minute therapy consultation here.
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Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of the modern mom's roadmap to balance podcast. And if you've been following along, you know, we're deep into our love after kids series, where we're diving into what it really takes to keep connection, intimacy, and partnership alive after becoming parents, because let's be real. Marriage changes after kids. The love is still there, but finding time, energy, and space for each other can feel like an impossible task. Today, I am so excited to welcome back my friend and a familiar voice to the podcast. Dr. Brittany McGeehan. If you caught our last conversation, you already know Brittany brings so much wisdom and heart to the table. She's a licensed psychologist and performance mindset coach who specializes in helping high achieving women, C suite executives, and six to seven figure entrepreneurs overcome self abandonment and reclaim self trust. She understands the pressures that come with success, the tendency to put everyone else first, and the challenges that can show up in relationships when you're used to carrying it all. In this episode, we're talking about something that so many couples struggle with, how to stay connective when life gets overwhelming. whether it's parenting stress, financial challenges, or just the general exhaustion that comes with managing all the things. We often fall into patterns of problem solving instead of truly supporting and being present with our partners. But what if the key to deeper intimacy isn't just about fixing things, but about sitting with the discomfort together. Brittany and I unpack the pressure to always fix our partners struggles, the importance of self connection and maintaining a strong marriage, and why sometimes the best thing we can do for our relationship is to stop doing and start being. She also shares the unique ways she and her husband navigate stress, including how they use humor and small intentional moments to keep their bond strong. Even in tough seasons. So if you've ever found yourself feeling disconnected from your partner, stuck in problem solving mode, or just craving more emotional closeness, this episode is for you. So let's get into it.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Okay. Hey, Brittany. I'm so glad that you're back today. I know we've already recorded an episode together before, so I was really excited to have you back.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yes. I'm so excited to be here. Honored, honored to be back.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:I know. And last time we definitely could have kept talking. And so this gives us an opportunity to like, even expand on that. But I know for listeners who are new, this is the new series, Love After Kids. And our question that I ask everyone changed a bit. So I'm going to go into it with Brittany. And what's one thing you've learned about maintaining balance in love and marriage, especially after kids?
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:For me, the non negotiable has been a connection to self, because I think that that informs how you prioritize and connect with your partner. Like if you don't know what it is that you're needing and what do you think changes so frequently. It's so fast whenever you have kids,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:challenging to know where to go from there.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:And what has been helpful for you in maintaining that connection to self?
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:being almost kind of like rigid about body work or massages. I'm pretty sure that came up last time
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:probably, funny.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:but that's like a non negotiable because it offers for me an opportunity to like shut my brain off,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Hmm.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:moving and really get in touch with like what's happening inside of my body. Am I touched out? Am I fatigued and I'm not eating enough? Am I tired? Am I, am I bored? Am I playing enough? All of that sort of shows up for me when I have that moment to just reconnect with myself.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Hmm.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:me, it has to be scheduled out. I can't just,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh yeah. I mean, as moms, if you don't have things scheduled out, it's so easy to just put those things on the back burner or tell yourself like, Oh no, I'm going to get to this. And then you don't because a lot of us kind of will service others before we give ourself any time in service.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes. Yes. Oh my gosh. And I feel like I get asked all the time. Okay, like, how do you do that without guilt? And I was like, that answer doesn't exist. You do it with guilt if you need to, but like, you get yourself out the door anyway, but the appointment helps, at least for me, because you're paying for that.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, yeah. Yeah. And
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:out.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:I like that you said that. It's, it's not like the goal isn't for like guilt and like never be there. It's, gonna come up, but that's not necessarily a sign that you're doing something wrong.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes, definitely. That's a whole word. Yes, yes.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:And because oftentimes it's like, well, I feel guilty. That means I shouldn't go. No, I mean, the guilt is because you're a really great mom who's worried about the time that you spend with your kids.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yeah. You care deeply about them, right? You have tons of empathy and naturally, especially if you have that secure attachment, they're going to want to spend more time with you. That's very natural. We hope to see that, especially if they're younger
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:if you know that this doing this activity, stepping outside, going and seeing your friends is going to make you be a better mom, then do that. It's in service of your motherhood, but it's also in service of you as a human being,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:always serves any connection that you have.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, absolutely. And that brings us to kind of like the purpose of the series is like, when you're taking care of yourself, that's also helping you to be more present in your marriage.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Mm hmm. I feel like that's the biggest thing I work on with my clients is they come in and they want to fix themselves so that they can feel more connection with their partner. And first of all,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:we're not looking to fix. Second of all, it takes a lot of work to kind of hone them in on let's stop paying attention to what we're missing or what needs to happen over here with this connection. And let's get really, really honest about like, what do you want? What do you need?
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:and that's it. Yeah, that's that's such deeper, right? it's so much more challenging.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, absolutely. And I feel like a lot of the times when people are having trouble connecting in their marriage, it's because they haven't even fully connected with themselves. So when, we haven't fully connected with ourselves, it's really hard for us to choose like what it is that we want. What it is that we need? What are our desires? What is it that lights us up? Like that's when I've noticed those things.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes. Yes. Oh my gosh. And it makes me think about also being able to sit with, and we talked about this a little bit, right? But like just being able to sit with the discomfort that shows up in parenthood. I know it shows up in other areas of life, but that's what we're talking about. That's my definitely most present. experience, but being able to sit with the discomfort of not being okay or everything is a mess that is at least for me and my experience. That's next level. That's beyond anything I experienced before kids and just be able to sit in that with your partner to like build so much intimacy and is much more challenging. I think there's so many distractions to help pull
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:experience.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah, there really is. And so I think for a lot of people, it can be a little bit like, what do you mean sitting with that discomfort? Right. And so like, can you explain that a little bit more
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yeah. I think about, okay, so I'm gonna use myself as an example, right? So I'm coming out of just a really heavy season. We have lots of mental health challenges show up whenever we transition from one to two, we got like kicked in the butt.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:From one to two years old or from one to two kids?
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:yeah, one to two kids. Thank
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, okay. I knew that, but I just wanted to be clear because those, each of those, like from one age to the next, that's a transition, but from like one to two kids, it's also a transition from like one to multiple. Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:It was gnarly. It was so gnarly and we did them like back to back and we did that very intentionally, but I think my daughter was 18 months when my son was born.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Okay.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:we very much had two babies and my husband went through a career change and it was a lot of upheaval and where we were really in a space to avoid the feelings was let's problem solve. Let's problem solve. Let's fix things.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:in like do mode. So really kind of being in our head, and I'm notorious for this. I was like, and you give me a problem and I will give you a solution
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:I was always looking for projects around the house. Right? So also being overly busy is a signal for me that I'm avoiding something. And really, it was whenever we were in couples therapy and just sort of sitting on the couch, like, turned off the TV and we were just like. This has been so heavy and we were able to just like kind of cry together, right? And just like release together, it can feel really uncomfortable. It can feel really awkward and I talk about it as like, it almost feels like you're lighting your skin on fire a little bit if you're not used to it.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:it's a lot of physical sensations. And usually, especially in parenthood, there isn't a quick fix. There isn't some easy button that you're just missing, but we're looking for it.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh yeah, like it's so easy to tell yourself if I can just organize this pantry, my life would feel so much better. Or
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:could just like have all the laundry done, my life would feel so much better. And sure, like some of those things are going to take some of the load off, but it's not going to take away the, Deeper, like what's really going on for you. And it's like all of these emotions that you've been avoiding.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes, literally, our entire house has been organized in this season, like every single room has been redone. There is a system there
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:and we found the most intimacy after we were done with all of that and just sat together.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Like you found the most intimacy, in sitting together or from like doing all of those things.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, sitting together like afterwards, right? Whenever all the distraction kind of like settled and it was sort of like, well, okay, here we are all of our ways of looking for control. Like we ran out of them.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:time to really just kind of sit and deal with what is in between us and name that and be okay with not fixing it for one. I know in my own relationship, and I talk about this with clients a lot, like I think the biggest thing you can do in service to connection to your marriage is to try not to fix the other person. And just let them have their own experience. Let them have their own journey and to like, tolerate that. That's so intimate.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, yeah. Yeah. and it's difficult. Like, I feel like it's easy to say, but then difficult to actually put into action because that's probably something people haven't really done before. There's, I mean, at least a lot of the clients that I work with, they're so used to trying to make other people feel better and comfortable and not have them feel those, you know, quote unquote negative emotions, right? Like sad or anger or disappointment. And, but then that like, Has put this heavy burden to always kind of be, I don't want to say not savior, but like to be the fixer, like be the one to have to make everything good in people's lives.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:And it leads to loneliness on both ends, right? Because usually for the other person, they don't want to be fixed. they don't want to be a project or feel like a project. Right. Unless they're asking for, give me a solution here.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:I mean, that's totally different, but whenever you're trying to fix someone who really just wants to be seen and just want someone to be like. That sucks.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Mm hmm.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:really heavy. Like they feel really lonely.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:on the other end, the person who's doing the fixing, like you were saying, creates a very lonely experience as well.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Mm hmm. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it does. I mean, I've felt it myself and being someone who, it, we're covering people, I would like to say like, it still shows up and it still kind of like creeps in, but with having built my own awareness around that and when it shows up, it's like easier to manage, but I used to definitely be the person to Try and make things good and easy for people and not be able to receive help from people because I didn't want to burden anyone even though they were the ones offering
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:yes,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:right? Or like being able to just say, Oh no, they're just trying to be nice. They don't actually like want to help me. but using that, like, You could use that for anything. So when is anyone ever really wanting to help?
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Right. Yeah. Yep. Mm-hmm.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. So like going back to the couple of stuff, when you're the person who's also trying to fix things. your partner on the other side, isn't feeling understood because you're really not taking their side. You're kind of going like, Oh, well, I mean, I get what your boss was saying or like, well, I mean, I'm sure your friend didn't mean it in that way.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:partner's not asking you for that. They're like, just want you to have their back. And I think that's, kind of. Where a lot of disconnection can happen is when you're feeling like your partner doesn't have your back. In those moments when you're not asking for their advice, you're really just wanting validation.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yeah. oh my gosh, which, I think. that's an interesting shift, like after kids too, right? Because I remember before kids, that was a lot easier for me to do for sure. Right. To give me my most resource self.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:And then
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Mm-hmm
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:was like spending more time with myself, had more hours in the day was like, I'm going to go take a nap and then I'm going to go to body work. And I just had a very different lifestyle. Right. Versus after kids. You go through seasons of survival, but also you're operating with less spoons in general. And so really being aware of what your go to like my, I know for sure when I start nitpicking and coming up with different solutions, I'm like, Ooh, time. It is time to go like, put yourself in timeout. I don't know what that means today. It was painting my nails.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:whatever that means for you, like go take that break. It's just, it's so much harder after kids. And on top of that,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:that with your kids all the time.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Mm-hmm
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Right? Like if you're trying to be in a space of also not fixing your kids and just holding space for their emotions, that is so tiring.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh yeah. It really is. It really is. Oh, one thing that I also wanted to make clear, going back to what you were saying in terms of like, y'all felt more connected. Just sitting on the couch together versus like doing all of those things. I do want to ask you, right. I'm thinking you don't mean you have to do all of that stuff before you can spend that time on the couch. Like you absolutely can do that part first. You can sit on the couch first. It's just that all of these other projects really are just excuses and ways to avoid
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:right? Like, and let me know if I'm wrong. If I didn't get it.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:no, 100%. I call it quick feet. I'm just like came up with that term. Right. But I know when I have my quick feet on and my husband calls it out to that there's something in the room that I'm not interested in feeling and like, vice versa. Right. and for us, it's like a very tangible, like, put your feet up, like, go sit on the couch. And for us, it's also silent. We don't even have to actually talk about anything, but just sit and being together and making a very intentional decision to turn toward each other rather than turning toward all of these projects.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:trying to avoid. And then, yeah, I mean, I think if you could start with that, that's ideal. And then maybe the projects are still there and maybe they're helpful,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:I think it's all about intention, sort of like the why behind that.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. No, absolutely. Absolutely. And the other thing too is, it is difficult to just sit with all of that. And to kind of just like give your partner space and not do anything about it. Like that is hard. And I really want to acknowledge that.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes. Yeah. So, and I will say for my clients and for myself, I have a script that I literally follow if I'm in a very dysregulated state or. just really heavy what we're talking about and I need structure in order to be able to provide some presence. And if I want to use words, but if it's like, really challenging, right? So, I mean, and it kind of walks you through, like, whenever I heard you say X, Y, and Z. I felt or I made up or whatever. I mean, it walks you through the experience of empathy.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:that can be really helpful if you are trying to give something other than just being there with them. And sometimes that can be necessary because it is it's it's so challenging to
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, yeah,
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:To not fix it.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:yeah, because it also requires like this awareness and I love that you use scripts because I also use scripts to with my clients when I'm working with couples because sometimes you just don't have it yet. Like, that's not something that is a behavior that you're used to doing. It's not. a pattern that's already built in, you're being aware and then at the same time you're kind of like fighting against these patterns from the past that you, no longer continue.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:like a very natural desire to like, we, no one wants to see someone they care about in pain.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:it is, it's such a challenging skill set to learn how to tolerate and to be able to recognize may actually be what they need.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh yeah. Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:there's something very not like unnatural that might be dramatic.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:I think it's unnatural for people that like, that is okay.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. I really, yeah, I think it, I think people feel like this is unnatural. We're not supposed to feel this way and I want to take that pain away.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Right, like what comes up for me is grief, like when someone has lost someone and people really just need to sit with the pain and the grief to allow it to process, but we have a lot of people who are really uncomfortable with that and they want to make you feel better
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:like, what can I do? What can I do? because I'm thinking about like, I lost my dad. 2020 and it's like, there isn't anything you could do. I lost my dad. I'm never going to get him back. And I just need to sit with all of this pain. And it's great. If you could sit here with me, I would really appreciate that. I mean, in that moment, no, I wasn't going to say that I probably didn't even have those words, but what people really want is for you to sit with them in that pain.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes. Oh, my gosh. Yes. I think about a friend who is going through fertility challenges and recently had a miscarriage and I just like broke down on Marco Polo with her. I was really nervous. I was like, Oh gosh, I hope that that was okay. And let me know if that wasn't what you were needing. And she was like, that's exactly what I need. It's for someone just to be okay. And not try to make it better, not any of the things, but I think we're conditioned to want to make it go away. And then also that our own emotion towards something towards someone's pain isn't appropriate or fill in the blank, right?
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. I think what is helpful to recognize is like, when we're trying to make people feel better, we're also kind of sending the signal like, it's not okay for you to be feeling this way and you need to stop.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Which right? I mean, I think about my toddler on the other side of the door right now, right? He was like having a meltdown. Toddlers are just like the easiest examples because
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:like mirror what's not, maybe not mirror, like the meltdown that's happening, but if you can name it, this is disappointing. This is frustrating. And I'm here whenever you want to hug. They usually run through it pretty quick.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, yeah. Oh
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:like, All right, I'm back moving on.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:yeah, I mean right now we are or I've weaned my youngest. He turned three in January and so we're we're finally done breastfeeding. My daughter is going to be Five next week. So I've been breastfeeding for five years straight
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:wow.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:she was still nursing when my youngest was born. And so that's how we got here But anyways, last night he was like, I really want milkies and I'm like, I know bud It's really hard and it really isn't fair, but mommy is done like there's no more and like yes He fought it, but I was there like With him in that pain, like, yeah, this is really hard and this isn't what you want, but this is how it has to be. And he finally was like, okay with it. Like he finally just snuggled up and said he wanted my arm to hug him and snuggle him in the bed. Because that was, the only option that I was willing to offer him at that point.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes. Yeah. Right. And I even think about him being able to say like, I want your arm around me. Right. Like, again, it just sort of returns you to like connection to self.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:allows you to have that moment of like. This is big and this is painful and I can also feel it. I can tolerate it. My body is a safe place to be, but when you're able to do that, you're also able to acknowledge or be able to find this is what I need. This is what I want. And which is usually what happens. I find in marriages is if you can tolerate the intimacy, if you can tolerate the not, okay, whatever it is, then usually very quickly follows. I really want to be doing this.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:is a hug. What I really need is to touch you with my big toe because I want connection that I don't want too much or whatever it is.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. I had read something that was like, even if we're angry, we can at least touch each other's feet to like, signal that. We still love each other, but we're angry, but we still love each other. Like I'm still here. Yeah,
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:we do that like when we're crabby but especially for crabby and we're going to bed, it's like, we're on the same team. And so it's like, what we agreed that that means is like, we're, I'm still on your team. Like we're still on each other's team. Like, don't talk to me. Don't touch me. But like our feet can touch.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:no, I love that. that's like a mini repair that you're are starting to do. And then you like talked about this and agreed upon it. And I think people are not used to having those conversations. So then they're get really dysregulated. In the moment because they don't have these signals of like, yes, I still love you and I'm still here for you.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:yes, yes. Oh my gosh. Especially after kids, I feel like the planning in general, even planning to get out the door, right?
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:do we have? How many bottles do we have? Do we have whatever film of like, I feel like that level of preparation has to go into the marriage. That level of intention has to go into caring for the marriage and preparing for it. Not hoping that the rupture doesn't happen, but okay. When it does happen,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:we're at DEF CON five, what is that repair going to look like
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:when we have a little repair, what is that going to like? Whenever we have a disagreement in front of the kids, what is that going to look like versus over here? Cause I mean, before kids, you can kind of just duke it out whenever you want.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh yeah. Cause no one's watching you.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Exactly.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:it just takes your kids, imitating that one time to be like,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:lock it up.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh yeah. Yeah. And you're like, Oh no, he showed them that. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm actually really glad that you brought this up in terms of like, It's not about if this is going to happen, these things are going to happen, you're going to have a big disagreement or it's going to be DEF CON 5, right? because the goal isn't to never have those things happen. It's like, how are we going to work through these as a couple, as a team and maintain this love connection and safety that we have with each other?
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. Yes. Being so intentional about how do you, how do you water the garden? Right. Very, very intentionally so that whenever, I don't know, it's probably, you know, I kill everything that I try to grow, so it's probably a really bad
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:No, you're good. Okay.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:is that I have a garden. So like, so we can survive the freeze, but I'm like, I don't really know if that actually would happen. It would probably kill everything.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Well, I think at this point you would have harvested all your crops, right? So like, yeah, so you could survive it. It was like midwinter.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:it. But yeah, yeah, and I, yeah, I just, I think it takes so much work, so much intention And so much time and diligence and discipline to write. I talk about finding your state of the union, whatever that looks like once a week or once a month, but like sitting down and literally running down as a family. What are our goals? What do we want to see happen with our children? What issues are showing up? But. And then separately within the marriage, what is showing up? Like, if this is the pillar for our home, the pillars for our home, how are we doing in this? Those meetings are not, they're not nice. They're not, let's go enjoy some fruit for self care. Like, those are very, very necessary if you want to continue moving in the same direction.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:absolutely. And one of the things you had like brought up before we hit record, and I really wanted to talk about was how you and your husband, working through some really tough stresses actually like increased the intimacy that y'all had as a couple. And I think a lot of people Can't even wrap their mind around like how that's possible. And if you're willing, like, I'd love to talk about more of that.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah, it's so funny. I actually talked to my husband about that before I jumped on here,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:because I just had to imagine I what I wanted to make sure that that was
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:But also, I was gonna go talk with Kayla and I'm just gonna talk about my whole life. So but anyway, yeah, so We just been through like a season, a season of so much stress. And one of the big stressors for both of us has been finances, right? So we have enough to pay our bills, but we don't have enough to be where we'd like to be. We're not saving the way that we want to be. And that was something that's just been like top of mind. And so when we were really, really able to get into reality, right about this is where our money is going, this is where it's not going and just sort of sit with that. That was just like the best feeling because for me and for my husband, it had been feeling like this insurmountable thing that we just felt like we were drowning with
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Like, yes, we pay what we need to, but how do you get ahead? How do you save for retirement in the way that you want to? And it had just felt like it was drowning us, right? But when we were able to this. Hold each other in this space of it feels like we're drowning together and I can look at you in the eyes and say that and I can. Be present through your tears. And I'm not going to like try to make them better on the other end of it. It was a very, very easy solution because we felt so united. So like in the same space and we're actually like so excited and it was hilarious because our solution that we came up with is something that we've been very diligent about preparing for forever. We've always wanted to have the kids at home. We've always wanted more time with that.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, wow. Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:I've literally been building my business to where it runs on less hours so I can work a half day here or whatever. And still be making the same income, which is like what it's doing. And so it was was pretty funny when we sat down and looked at it and
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, wow. Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:it all out. I was like, oh like the answer is right there. We just found like amount of money a month to put exactly like and that was the amount that we were hoping to be saving Like
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Wow.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:literally sitting there. And
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:like Okay.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. It's like, oh, we found our answer, but it took y'all working this together and supporting each other through this,
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. And like being able to say all the stories that we had in our head right that we just been like keeping into like, whatever our boxes on our own and like I feel like a failure I feel like I'm never going to get ahead I feel like a horrible parent all these different stories that. We had not wanted to give voice to because they felt too big, too painful, too dysregulating. And when you were able to like sit across from someone, I think moms do this so well when we're just like, I feel like a horrible mother and the mom across you is usually like me too. It's okay. I've done that too. Right. Like that was the experience that we had, but with one another of like, I feel the exact same way. I'm also really struggling. And it was just like, and I mean, I'm by far one of the. Biggest like intimacy building experiences that we've had as a couple came out of by far one of the most stressful seasons that we have ever had. yeah, definitely not something that usually comes top of mind, not something I necessarily recommend, but I think it's available to us in those
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I had read something that was like strong marriages can be built through tough times. But you have to be like turning towards each other during those tough times for that to happen. Like, yes, obviously during tough times you can also disconnect, but you have like an amazing opportunity to also connect. Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. Especially if you can talk about like expectations and be very intentional about building that time in together. So for us, that's couples therapy. We love having a third party, right? Like for us, that's an oil change, but definitely as, as we're going through things, but again, we've paid for the space. We're going to make it happen. And it's just for us. And we usually turn it into an event. So there's like lunch afterwards, there's whatever,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:to make it. time. But then me also being able to say, you know, in this season, it could be couples therapy. That is our big thing that we get to connect it.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, yeah. Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:going to do the little like date nights every now and then, but that might be few and far in between. And having a lot of acceptance about that's what this season looks like. And there can be beauty in that too.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. No, absolutely. How did y'all like get to this place? Where y'all were able to openly have these conversations and like, how did that trust get built for y'all?
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh my gosh, so much therapy, so much therapy. Sometimes I'll get asked, like, where do I find a husband like that? Or like, where do I find a marriage? I'm like, therapy, we paid a lot of money for it. Right, So for us, the ability to say, Hey, my five year old, like my little, my like inner child is super activated right now. Like it has just depersonalized the way that we have conversations so well, where like my teenager will come out swinging. And like, sometimes my husband's does too. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, we never would have been friends in high school or whatever it is.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:But that's such a playful and easier way to interact with one another and to acknowledge that, you know, pieces of this person's history, and it's this piece of them that's activated. It's not the adult that you are married to. It's a piece of them, but it's so much easier to not take things personal and to turn towards someone when they say, My five year old is feeling so abandoned right now, or my five year old is feeling so much fear right now. think it's a really easy way to sort of light up that prefrontal cortex and kind of like grab some of that attachment that you already have.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:any kind of distress, right? There's such a human response there. But I mean, we've also been at it for Gosh, I don't even know like eight, nine years we've spent like in a lot of therapy
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:that's my approach and my jam and my own work was getting really, really clear on what early experiences sort of brought us into this place and then how is it playing out in the relationship. And we both had very similar. Verbiage and like approaches. And so it made for a really cohesive experience at home.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:I love that because like, basically what you said, what helped y'all is kind of like going full circle with our conversation is that Yeah. Attention to self, like
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:order for y'all to be able to have these conversations to build that connection. You had to have a connection to yourself. First,
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:you had to, recognize the triggers and the patterns that were showing up for you, the parts that were getting triggered, like. If you couldn't have been able to see those and notice those and pinpoint them, the other pieces wouldn't have fallen into place very well.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes. Oh, my gosh. Yes. And, and having accountability of herself too, right? Of like, and you get to have those big feelings and your teenager, whoever it is gets to be activated, but we still don't get to treat our partner in an unkind or disrespectful or abusive way. And so, and that's a really helpful way to like, check someone too is I totally hear that. And also you can't speak to me that way. So, like, I love you, but like, Go, go hit reset, go find your reset button, wherever
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:like, go take a break.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yeah. And, and having have had those conversations up front of like, how do I get your attention here? And like, show you You've crossed a line in a way that you're going to be receptive of that.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:hmm.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:and error. It's about figuring out what's going to work for you and your partner. And then what's going to work for us in a time when we're feeling really dysregulated. Mm
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:yes, yes, which again, and I think that at least for us and for couples that I talk with and work with, like that changes after kids.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:hmm. Oh, yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:it's been way easier to be like, you need to like, check yourself before you write yourself like, what has happened? And now, I think if my husband said something like that to me, and if I was in a moment of like, a lot of a huge activation, I would be like, you've lost your mind.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:So like, now we have white flags that we literally pull out, and we're like, waving them. And that's like, our signal but it's a lot of humor, it's a
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:because we need that, because we're so dysregulated.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes. Yes. that is also what works for us to is the humor. It's that distractions like get us out of that dysregulation. And this is not to like humor to avoid. It's really like humor to like bring us back down to reality.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Get us out of that, like, Oh my God, I'm back in my parents house. And like, they're, I'm going to be grounded for doing something wrong. Right.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yeah. Like, find that adult self, right?
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:whatever, whatever resource that needs to be. Yeah. Yes.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:No, I love that. No, no, but I appreciate you opening up and like letting us know how that is possible. And, and it's not to say that you can't do this on your own, but it's really hard to do it on your own. Like, especially depending on the level of disconnection you have, like working with a therapist, a couples therapist is going to make this process go much Faster, smoother, and easier, and save yourself a lot of pain.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yeah. And I, I think I look a lot of flack about this, but I'm like, I don't know if you could do it on your own. Right. I think because of probably what I believe about the fear and it doesn't have to be a therapist. Maybe it's someone else, but like, absolutely someone to help you go through that experience. Right. There's such a reparenting component to that
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:yourself to be supported.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Mm hmm.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:I think that is such a spiritual experience of being able to receive that if you never have that. I mean, it fundamentally like alters your nervous system and then you get to bring that different level of regulation into your partnership. That is, just not sure how you would find that on your own.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh yeah, no, because there's a lot of stuff that you don't see in yourself that a therapist or someone that you're working with. would be able to see and gently point that out to you and make you aware of those things.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yeah. And it's always going to feel safer coming from a therapist, right?
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:that we know.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh, yeah. Or like someone where you think that they're taking the other person's side.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:yes. Yep. Yeah,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Or even someone you know, like, I hate it when people are trying to get advice. From people that are in relationships that are not healthy either. And I'm like, why are you going to those people? Like, look at the relationship that they have. Is that what you want? Because that's the advice that they're giving you.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes. I always ask my clients, I'm like, if you have no interest in where they're at, if you have no interest in, like, the way that they're making their decisions, no disrespect to them, but, like, why are you going to them for advice?
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:no
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Why are you letting their advice impact you? Like, even if you're not going to them, like, why are you stressing about what they said about the types of dates that you're going on or like the types of way you're connecting? Like, I think there's a lot of shame in. That comes up in what couples choose to do and how they choose to have their relationship. There is no right or wrong way. It's about What y'all are each comfortable with and can consent to and are like is makes the marriage itself safe for each of y'all.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes, which like what comes to mind for me is like if you were someone who's deeply connected with yourself and with your partner and you feel like genuine security there, it's very hard for me to imagine someone like that feeling judgment toward someone else's
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:way that they choose to do that.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah. Yeah. so I have been doing this radio show locally and people like will send in questions and I get a lot of questions of like, Is this weird that we do this? And someone was like, my husband and I text each other like all day throughout the day. We have these awesome conversations, like text conversations. And then when we get home, like we don't really talk a lot. And they were like, is that weird? Or is that normal? And I'm like, well, if there's not a problem here, like if you, if that's okay for y'all, like that's totally okay. Y'all are having conversation in the way that's comfortable for y'all. But if there's a problem here, then maybe there's things that you can shift and change, hold back some of the texting, but don't overthink something that is working for you and your partner.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yes, yes, which I feel like in this age of being hyper connected to the rest of the world, it can be so challenging to, again, like look within, get curious. Does this satisfy me? Does this like me a desire? Does this feel good enough? Not perfect,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Oh yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Right? Like my partner loves. Like the, the written text, right? That's a lot less taxing for him. I'm a verbal processor. I would talk until the cows come home. I'd be so happy. And I could talk about like, why the grass is green or whatever, right?
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:and for us, what works and it's good enough right now is sending emails sometimes over things we don't want to forget and that feels connecting and like, good enough. But of course, I'd rather talk about, but like, it also works and it's great that he's able to. experience it in a different way, right? That feels good.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:yes,
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:No, that's so awesome. But I want to be respectful of your time. And I so appreciate you coming back on the show. But for listeners who maybe didn't listen to your first episode, I would highly recommend y'all going listening to the first episode. That Brittany came out and I'll link it in the show notes. But can you tell us a little bit about your practice and what's going on there? And if people are like, I really like this, Brittany girl, like, how can I get into her world?
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah, yes. So I'm a licensed psychologist here in Frisco, Texas. I work with C suite executive women and six, seven bigger female CEOs who have experienced childhood trauma and are looking to build more Connected, healthier marriages. I'm also a performance coach. and I say like my playground is Instagram. Like I post my kids and just sort of like day to day life there. I'm slowly re emerging on social media. But I'm trying to be more present on LinkedIn, but like DMs, voice notes, stuff like that, like that's all happening on Instagram. Like if you want to connect, like come send me a voice note.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah, we
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:and
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:are all about the voice notes.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:we really are, but yeah, that's just Brittany McGinn, PhD. Yeah, yes, that's the best way to connect with me.
squadcaster-f7eb_1_02-19-2025_140816:Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Brittany, for joining us today. And I look forward to connecting with you again.
dr--brittany-mcgeehan_1_02-19-2025_140816:Yeah, thank you so much.