The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast

Episode 63: The Role of Self-Awareness in Strengthening Your Relationship With Special Guest Alyssa Myatt, LPC

• Kayla Nettleton • Episode 63

Share episode

Tired of feeling stuck in the same relationship patterns? Struggling to communicate with your partner in a way that actually strengthens your connection? You’re not alone. In today’s episode of Love After Kids, I sit down with Alyssa Myatt, a licensed professional counselor specializing in relational and EMDR therapy. Together, we unpack how past experiences shape our relationships and why self-awareness is the key to building the love you actually want. 

If you've ever found yourself frustrated with relationship dynamics that don’t seem to change, this episode is for you. We talk about the importance of intentional communication, breaking free from autopilot patterns, and how to make real shifts that bring you closer to your partner. 

✨ In this episode, we cover: 

  • Why self-awareness is one of the most underrated relationship tools 
  • How past attachment wounds influence your communication with your partner 
  • The power of asking for what you need (without guilt!) 
  • How to break out of cycles that leave you feeling unseen or misunderstood 
  • Why feeling "stuck" in your relationship might actually be a sign of growth 

Your relationship doesn’t have to feel like a constant struggle. You deserve love that feels safe, connected, and fulfilling. 

🎧 Listen now, and if this resonates, send it to a friend who needs it! 

Helpful Links:

Website: https://shaylacounseling.clientsecure.me/

About the Podcast Host
Kayla Nettleton is a licensed TX-based therapist, business owner, mom of 3, and marketing coach for therapists.

In her private practice, Kayla helps women break free from cycles of anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. Her holistic approach guides clients toward authentic, fulfilling lives by reconnecting with their intuition, setting boundaries, and building confidence.

Kayla also works with couples, especially parents balancing marriage and family. She offers both traditional couples therapy and focused intensives (6 to 18 hours) to help partners address key issues like communication, trust, and intimacy.

Through empathy and effective therapeutic tools, Kayla helps couples reconnect, thrive, and create healthier, more supportive relationships—benefiting the entire family. Her practice transforms self-doubt and disconnection into growth, healing, and lasting change.


Find Kayla on IG
@therapy.with.kayla

Email: kayla@kaylanettleton.com

Free Consultation: Schedule a Free 20 minute therapy consultation here.

Never Miss an Episode! Subscribe Here

Hello, hello everyone. And welcome back to the Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance podcast as we dive into our special series, Love After Kids. And today I have a special guest. Her name is Alyssa Maillet. She is a licensed professional counselor with over 10 years of experience helping individuals and couples. built healthier relationships with themselves and others. Alyssa specializes in relational and EMDR therapy, helping adults explore how their attachment based trauma impacts their ability to connect. She's also a mom to an amazing tween, so she knows firsthand what it's like to juggle motherhood, entrepreneurship, and partnership, all while trying to maintain balance in love. In this episode, we're talking about what it really takes to maintain a strong, connected relationship after kids. Alyssa shares her personal and professional insights on navigating blended family dynamics, building communication habits that actually work, and how to intentionally create connection even when life feels overwhelming. If you ever wondered how to stay connected with your partner amidst the chaos of parenting, Or if you feel like you and your partner are just coexisting rather than truly connecting, this episode is for you. So let's dive in.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Okay. Welcome, Alyssa. I'm so glad you're here. And it's always funny like talking about this later because I already like said hi to you a minute ago.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

okay.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

So with this series being Love After Kids, I've changed that first question. So everyone is probably used to hearing the question, what is your definition of a balanced life? But because this is the series Love After Kids, we're going to be asking a little bit different question. So that question is, what's one thing you've learned about maintaining balance in love and marriage, especially after kids? Or put another way, how do you keep the spark alive after kids?

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah, so I think I can talk more about first one, like the balance after kids. Our situation is a little bit different because I Brought my daughter into our relationship. So we got together and my daughter came with, so we're a blended

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Okay,

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

now,

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

so we're still learning. We've been together for two years going on three now. And we've got to transition from the beginning stages

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Hmm.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

introducing your partner to your kids, and then moving in together and, you know, of those fun things. And we even relocated recently, so

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Wow.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

of life transitions together and figuring it out. But a cool thing that I hear from my partner quite often is that she's been able to actually transition with all of this versus the quick turnaround of, We're dating and then we're together and then we're a family and we're jumping right into just doing all of those automatic, you know, like go, go, go things.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Hmm.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

so this,

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

do you mean y'all have been able to actually, Like, Talk these things through like it wasn't just kind of like you just fell into these things. So that's kind of things that I've heard with other people in their relationships that lead into marriage. They sometimes feel like they kind of just fell into it sometimes. Like there wasn't kind of this step by step where you go into thinking, Oh, we're dating and then we're kind of more serious and then we have this conversation about marriage. Sometimes people don't even have that conversation. So you feel like this has given y'all a chance to actually have those conversations or take it slower.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Absolutely. Yeah. Take it slower. And I think that was something that we both learned from our previous relationships. Because I know for me, for sure, that was the process of just jumping right into the next thing. And for us, we have been able to take it slower, have those conversations involve my daughter in those conversations. And she's 12, so we can have age appropriate conversations. And even allow them to build their own relationship outside of just me and my partner being together, you know,

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

figuring out where they fit and how they cohabitate and, you know, have quality time and, you know, whatever they want their relationship to look like. They're also in charge of that on their own.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Hmm. That's awesome. And how, how has your partner having their own relationship with your daughter impacted y'all's relationship? Like your partner and you.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

I feel like it's been great. It's helpful for me to Remove myself as that mediator that we can sometimes be in relationships and the middle person naturally I am like, I want to save things and repair and be the hero sometimes. So it is a great opportunity for me to really zoom out and let them do what they're going to do based on their comfort levels, so communication and. Conversations with each of them have been necessary to even get that idea of, okay, well, do you even like spending time together alone?

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

is that something that you guys even want to do or more so for my daughter? You know, are you comfortable with this, that, and the other. So yeah, really allowing like choice and freedom and autonomy for them to build those relationships and Then for us to be able to come back together as a unit, as a blended family. Yeah.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

That's awesome. And so even thinking about that question, do you, even enjoy spending time with them. Even thinking about that as a parent and it being your blood child, like you birthed that child or they're a part of you. Sometimes we don't like, not that we don't like spending time with our children, but we don't know how to enjoy that time.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

So it's funny. It's like, do you enjoy spending time? It's like, dang, they get this extra option

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Right.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

we don't feel like we get.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

I agree. I agree. And my partner, she pulls that out quite often is she appreciates that option.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

She appreciates the option, but yes. Yeah. And it's a balance and then it's. It's something that her and I, my partner and I can come back and talk about you know, like, did you enjoy your time there and, you know, do you want to do this again? Or would you rather keep it a family night or, you know,

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Okay.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

certain nights? Cause my daughter and I will have mommy daughter night you know, just asking simply asking if, if they want to do that too,

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. And what has been helpful for you and your partner in maintaining that connection?

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

of just kind of like checking in and

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

the

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm-hmm

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Think really setting aside intentional time. Our, our schedules and our individual lives are fairly busy and they don't really collide. We're not in the same

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Hmm

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

So we have to create this intentional time where we can connect, re evaluate, do date nights and be able to really communicate what's going on for us in the moment so we can have balance overall.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Then what got you there? Well, first I wanna say, I do wanna come back to the point where you said y'all are not in the same circles, because that I feel like can be a piece of both disconnection, but it also can be a really good connector as well. If you're doing some of the. write things like communication, but first, how did y'all get to this place where you felt really comfortable communicating these things with each other? Because going slow in the relationship and having those conversations up front probably wasn't easy.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

No, no, yeah, you're right. So it's been a slow process. It's been a slow process, but the. cool, fortunate skill that's come together for both of us is that we both like to talk.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Okay.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

We both like to talk and intentionally communication was one of our priorities for our relationship when we started. So I think I'll say that word more than anything today is The intention we were very intentional with communication needing to be at the forefront for just transparency and building trust and all of those bigger values that

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

really wanted to touch on. And I'll say like my partner, she wasn't this emotional, vulnerable sharing person in the beginning. And even just building the trust and starting certain communication styles with that and getting comfortable with those types of things in the beginning were important and a practice for us.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Hmm. I'm really glad that you brought that up because I think that in itself can be like an excuse or a barrier that people will use that like, well, my partner, just he's just not that way. Or people will just say, I'm just not that way. That's that's just not how I am. But we, you know. In order to have healthy communication with your partner, you have to learn how to be that way or else it's not going to work. Things are going to stay the way they are. That's awesome. And so are you, are you saying that you kind of

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

me. Like you said, I absolutely had to learn how to share and be vulnerable more so in the times when I didn't want to, when it's hard or when there's conflict or a mismatch or a disconnect. I had to really look at my patterns and see what wasn't working in the past. And figure out and make a choice if I want to keep doing that in this relationship or, you know, whatever is going to do not. And I had to make those changes myself. And fortunately we began to role model that for each other in different ways.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

doing this inner work on yourself and recognizing your own barriers to communication and opening up allowed your partner to also kind of. Reflect and do the same.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

I think so. I think so. And when I met her, she was transitioning into that, maybe not knowing it, but subconsciously I could see. She was ready to figure out, like, how to tap into this emotional side. So we just kind of aligned in that way. But yeah, I would say me even talking about the vulnerability of, like, it is hard for me. I do want to shut down here, like my flaws per se. That may be offered a safe space for her to say, like, yeah, I don't want to talk about either. I don't want to, I don't want to be this way either. So it just kind of align like good timing.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. And it's scary. It's scary opening up and actually talking about what's going on for you. What's on your heart. What's on your mind. What are your fears, your hopes and your dreams? Like all of that can be scary because in the back of our minds, sometimes it's like, well, what are, what are they going to think? Or what did they think? It's silly or impossible. And that rejection piece can really creep in. Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

we're, A couple of years in and, know, we just had a conversation last week about this when I was just in a downtime and I'm like, well, I'm in a downtime. Like that's scary and it's hard and I'm overwhelmed. So, you know, we're still in the practice of sharing those things vocally.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

I mean, would you say that that's something that you have to continue to practice?

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

I would say so. Yeah,

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah,

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

And I actually was talking to a client about this, not even specifically about marriage, but of how they were more outgoing and they don't know what happened. Well, they have been working from home when that wasn't really something they were used to. So, and I said, You know, we don't realize all of these things are actually skills to be able to easily have conversations with people that we've never met. Like that's a skill that we have just as communicating with our partners. It's a skill that we have to maintain because if we stop doing it, we can revert back to our old patterns.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

absolutely. I think I see that often. And like. Even reflecting on our relationship that happens when we get into autopilot. Like

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Hmm.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

what happens sometimes is we're just getting into autopilot, going back to our automatic patterns or our emotional home or whatnot, and doing what we know versus what we've set out to do, like our intention and change this new habit and create a new pattern.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

so easy.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

what's helpful for you or what are some things that you tell clients that helps them to kind of get out of the autopilot?

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Recognition and when we're noticing it, that's our power and chance to make that change. So we're just using the moment and the present. I use a lot of like relational therapy, past present and use the present as a tool. versus that, like shame and guilt that we can fall into of I'm doing this again, or I'm falling back to the autopilot. Like we want to let that be what it is and then make a choice with what we have today. And right now, so this moment we recognized it and we can either move forward the same way, or we can try to do something different, the slightest thing

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

and that's our power that we're getting back.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. I also see that a lot too. And people kind of, I guess, get frustrated with themselves that, Oh, I'm back here. I'm doing this thing again. But the funny thing is, is if you were really back in that moment, you would not have been able to realize this.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

True.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

You would have just kept going and going. Like the fact that you have been able to recognize that you're falling back into maybe an old habit or an old pattern is progress in itself. That you've been able to, like, because you can stop yourself. That's a huge win. you now have the power. To make the choice. Do I want to keep moving in this direction or do I want to kind of rechange some steps to go back into the direction that I actually want to go in?

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

And it's the same with our marriages and our relationships. We might be reverting back to old patterns from the past, but just you recognizing it is a good thing because you can make that change.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. And that's the difference, right? Like the measurable difference, like you said, is you're recognizing it. Mm-hmm

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. And the good thing about like in relationship, in marriage, is that you You don't have to make that change alone. You can bring this up to your partner and be like, Hey, I realized that maybe we're kind of going back into the same pattern, or even if it's just like something that you were doing, I realized I've been going back into the same pattern and can you help me with some accountability because I really want to be doing this other thing.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm-hmm Yeah. I think that's. a really helpful tool and skill to be mindful of. Like I like to tell my clients, we want to create options so we're not feeling stuck. And when we are going back to our old pattern, well, I just have to do this because that's the only thing I know to do. And asking our partner is like one option. And you know, like, What are our other options? what can we create here? Really reflecting on past when we might've felt choiceless and looking at the present say like, well, we have choices now we're an adult and we're this version of ourself. So we don't have to be as choiceless as we may once was. We're not

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And also recognizing that a lot of these patterns that we do have formed When we were children and we really didn't have the choices that we do now have as adults.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I mean, as you know best, we carry those choiceless beliefs to us with our relationships. And so we just adapt them and think that even with our partners now, it's the same. We're choiceless just like we were with our parents. Pulling that mindset out and that difference is huge because again, we're here where we can disrupt the disturbance. Like this is your

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

not your mom or your dad or your caregiver or whatnot. And we don't have to treat it the same. You have that choice and power to, to really step in and, and make a difference and a change.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. Absolutely. I love that. Disrupt the disturbance.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. And so one of the things that's been helpful for us overall, like we have shared goals and visions for life. Right. But having like a shared goal. For my husband and I to be working on together or shared project.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

always kind of helpful for keeping us on the same page. And that kind of ends up being the buffer for our check ins. Because we know we're going to kind of go back and we're going to have conversations about that goal or project. Cause I know sometimes when I bring up for couples to like do check ins, they feel really weird about it. Like, well, but what do we talk about? or they think like, Oh, this is just going to be us complaining about what's going wrong. It's like, no, the check in is really just a practice, this open communication with each other. And practice having each other's back. It's not like, you're just going to go dump on your partner of how all the things are going wrong.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I think check ins are a cool tool. And I, I enjoy doing them in, in my relationship and it's kind of the same you're speaking of with like the big project or this goal. Ours is trips. We love to travel and we tend to do this like one year off one year on. Where we are going full force on vacations or one year we might be completely saving. So this year we're in the fortunate year of we're on, and our

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Ooh.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

is completely booked with

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

fun.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

our check in is Yeah getting to look forward to those things and planning and whatnot is kind of like zoom out lens. Like, these are our motivators to make sure that we're staying balanced and on track in between. When we're going on these trips, you know, we're good.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

No, that's awesome. Especially because You're still always working towards that goal of the vacation and relaxation mode, right? Because even on the off season, right? Where you're working towards saving and setting aside that money to the following year, do this vacations that you want to do. You're still moving that direction. You're still moving in a forward direction. Mm

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. Yeah. It's like the big at the end of the day. But all of the work comes in the day to day, like you said, the planning, the saving and, and really being mindful of. The day to day, we still have to go to work. still in busy schedules.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

being able to check in about how those things been feeling for us in the meantime, while we're looking forward to this off time and, and a chance to spend real quality time together and do those fun things that we like.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm hmm. when I'm working with couples, a lot of the things that we talk about is remembering your shared values and shared goals and what y'all are wanting to work towards together as a couple. And even in this example you gave for, What y'all do for travel and how you save up for that. Those are like mini little goals and values that you're working towards together in one big kind of, I don't want to call it a project cause it's not a project, but it's this. I guess we can call it a project.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

The project of vacationing.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

call

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

planning, I guess. I mean, because the act of like going on vacation is not a project. But I guess planning it is.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

can be.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. Yeah, especially if it's not just the three of y'all.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mhm. Mhm.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

other people too that can get messy with lots of different schedules and people.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

sure. Sure. Yeah. And we've done that where we'll meet family and New York or something. So for sure for sure. But that's just the fun side of it. Like, that's one example of where there's this fun reward attached to it. So we get to do fun check ins.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

more so of what you're saying and what you're talking about with your clients probably is like The day to day, the ins and outs of maybe we don't have the luxury of talking about a vacation, you know, and, and what we're going to. So the values and really understanding that for one another, I would say would be necessary and important.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. so bringing it down to a different example, like the value of. How you want to keep your home. Like it's not just about the cleaning part. I think a lot of the times we're focused on the cleaning part, but when we're just focused on those tasks, it can be difficult to agree upon anything. But when you look at the bigger picture of like, what is a kept home mean to you? What does it mean to me? what is our shared vision within that? And when you can decide that the other pieces will be easier to fall into place.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Well, not fall into place, but to decide upon because you have the shared vision and goal of what a kept house looks like.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm hmm. Yeah. Absolutely. And I like what you mentioned about understanding what that means to our people, to our partner, and even figuring out like, what does that mean for yourself? What are you going to express and communicate to your partner of what you're looking for?

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Oh yeah. Yeah. Because you might not even know those things,

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

It might just kind of be like, well, this is what my family did. this is how our house was. So that's what I think it should be when it's not about what you think it should be. It's like, how do you actually want it? You have choices here. Yeah. Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm hmm.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah, you can have it that way if you really want to, if that's like your true desire or it can be something different.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Absolutely. Yeah. Something that my partner and I do is also go off of feeling. So we do that for our birthdays. we did that with our living room too. Like, well, how do you want it to feel? How do we

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

You just like read my mind. I was like about to say that because I love that too. Like what's the feeling that you want to feel if you can't put any words to it?

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

yeah, yeah. So that sensation or

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Hmm.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

memory sometimes, like, what do you want to remember? What kind of memory do you want to create? And sometimes we'll use that for our birthdays, especially if it's a milestone, like, how do you want to remember your 35th birthday or your 40th birthday or whatnot? So, yeah, just kind of getting creative with it.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Oh, I like that. Yeah. That's it. I'm a huge like feeler person because I, I myself just have a hard time. Envisioning things, like, if I'm imagining something in my mind, I close my eyes and I picture anything, I don't see anything at all, but I can feel stuff, like, really easily, if that makes any sense.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

No, it

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

It does. That's how my wife is too. She's like, I want to feel this way.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Hmm.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

I'm more of the visionary and I can plan and create things. So that's what you know, like, we're the yin and yang for one another.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Oh, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. Well, because my husband's very visual, so he can, like, he'll pull up things like, is it like this? Like, is this what you mean? because if he's just trying to describe something to me, like we were planning on what our next home is going to be like, and he's just throwing stuff out there. Like, Oh, what do you think about this kind of style house and it has this on the top. I'm like, I, I don't know. Like, you're just going to have to show me, you're going to have to pull something up and show me a picture. Cause that's the, it's not doing anything for me.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yep. Yeah.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

so even something like that, that, that small example of a conversation, I had to be brave enough. To tell him, I, I can't picture that. That's something that I cannot do. And then this is what I need from you so that I can understand where you're coming from, what you're talking about.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm hmm. Yeah. Let me ask, like, did you always have that skill to ask for what you need?

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Oh, no, no, no. I was like, I am still recovering people pleaser. I'm so much better now. Let me tell you, I'm so much better now, but it took a lot of work for me to be able to even like ask for help. Let someone do something for me and be relaxed when they're doing it. Not kind of like feeling uncomfortable and like, ugh, I just want to do it and get it over with kind of thing.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

No, it did, it did take some work and practice and Fortunately, my husband was really helpful in getting me there because he was like, just, just tell me what's going on. Like, just tell me what's on your mind. I want to know these things because I would keep things from him. and it's not like intentional. We're not thinking these things. Like I'm going to just keep this for myself and not tell him

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

this is like the old programming.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Like the old wiring, what we're used to, to keep the peace. Ha

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yep. Absolutely. Now I found myself in the same position of, it wasn't even about like asking for help. It was a piece where you said, let them do it for you and be calm.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

ha ha ha ha.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

was very uncomfortable for me, because even as a mom, you know, like a mom, it is more so of like, let me just do it so we can get through this and move

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Hmm.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

next thing. So to, yeah, be calm when somebody else is helping or offering. Yeah, that was, that was new to me. I think I'm still

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Oh yeah. The other new thing to me was, being okay that if I asked my husband to help me with something, that he wasn't like, totally excited to do it. there was sometimes just like a, okay, yeah, I'll do it. But my instant reaction would be like, Oh no, no, no, don't worry. I got it. Like I'm, I'm already up. Like, let me do it. Versus like, it's okay that he really doesn't want to do it, but he's willing to do it. why do I want him to be like, Oh yeah, sure, honey. No problem. Like. Yes, that's nice. But that's not always going to be the reality. Especially if, maybe you've had a tough day at work or something. But just the fact that your partner is willing to do them, they're getting up, they're going to do it, Sometimes we have to start there.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

hmm. Mm hmm. No, absolutely. I just went through that a couple days ago to here where the response wasn't necessarily like what I was comfortable with, I guess, and I was like, but it doesn't sound like you're you're wanting to do this or, you know, same thing with, you know, like, you just sound so resistant or whatnot. And they're like,

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Hmm.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

just listening to you.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

and hearing what you're saying.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

But I mean, even this is a really great example because you asked for clarification

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

in that moment. You didn't just like keep all of that in and then take over.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm hmm. Right. Right. Which is different. Which is

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yes.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yep.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. We can Go ahead.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

I was just gonna say, yeah, I would've come back around and say, like, you know what? Just forget it. Forget I even asked. Forget the conversation. Like, I'll be okay.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. Yeah, because we forget that sometimes we've learned to, like, read the room really well or mind read or just kind of like take people's body language in a certain way when We might be reading it all wrong.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm hmm. Yeah. I think that shows up for me is doing exactly that, is finding the incongruencies because we do that at work all day and you know,

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

trained and skilled to call it out. So then when I do and it's not that piece of what I know, like in a client, I can call out something that's incongruent and it's, on the dot, you know, like, Oh,

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Hmm.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

I knew that.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

with my partner and in my own relationship, and I like, this is real, it's not matching. You're saying yes, but you know, like you said, your

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

different. And they're like, yeah, because I don't, I don't want to do that. But I'm

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

do it. Like you said.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And even for like an example for listeners, listen, who aren't therapists, maybe you're really good at reading your mom or your parent caregiver, or even siblings. You're really good at reading that. And so you automatically think, well, like I'm really good at also reading my spouse or partner. That might not be the case. It might not translate just like our work doesn't always translate into real life.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Right. Yeah. Yeah. It really doesn't. It

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Well, I wouldn't say, let me take that back. Not real life, but like personal life.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yes.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. I would agree. Personal. In our home. Yeah. It doesn't always pan out the same.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Oh yeah. We also have to like take our therapy hat off when we come home because it can sometimes hurt us. Then help us. Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah, agree. Yeah,

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

back around'cause I had said I would come back to this, but, you and your partner are, you said y'all have different circles. What is that like for y'all? Because I know sometimes people are kind of scared to branch off into a different circle because they think that's gonna pull them and their partner apart.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

so ours was kind of placed upon us. She's in the military for one, so her profession is completely different from mine, and I have my private practice and I'm virtual. So I'm also a new entrepreneur, so I'm figuring out that world as well. I've been doing this for like two to three years a virtual

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm-hmm

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

I'll say.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. And private practice owner.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Private practice owner. So our worlds are fairly different in that. And for most people who are employed or have their own businesses that takes up most of their day. So she's at work 12. a day sometimes. And then, I mean, like right now she's gone, she's not even, not even here. And then as business owners, we are working, around the clock as well. So we're not in the same circle. I'm at home, she's at work or traveling. So yeah, we don't have a lot of time to collide. So that intentional piece of. Having mornings together when we can, we go to the gym together when we can in the morning before we start our day. And then I see her when she gets home after everybody's bedtime. So really trying to find the balance of the day to day and the moment of where we can come back together because we don't run in any of the same circles.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. So for us, my husband and I, we share friends and it's funny because it, it kind of happened accidentally. Like we didn't all go to a barbecue and like met each other's husband and wife or anything or our partners. It was, I somehow met the wife and he happened to be working with the husband or a partner. And then we just like. Ended up somewhere and I'm like, Oh, you know them and they know you. And it was kind of, those things happened a lot. So it just happened that I knew the spouse and he did too.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

that's

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

that's and then like they knew other people. It just kind of worked. I don't mind blending different friends. I know some people are like, I don't like to mix my friends,

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm hmm.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

it makes it so much easier as a parent. You can just all get together at the same time. But recently I've made different friends who we've just been getting together, so it's a group of women and we all run together and so I've, done kind of my own thing too, but he has his own thing too. That he goes and works on the ranch and does that. He takes our youngest son, but we're like doing separate things and we have like kind of our own, our own thing to do, which is good because we have our own space. We have, it's like kind of like our own hobbies that we're doing

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

enjoy doing on our own. Which I don't always like to go to the ranch. I would rather stay home and catch up on chores than go hang out at the ranch and then still have to do these chores that are my responsibility.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yep.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

I mean, he has, I'm not saying like I do them all. He has his own But sometimes my, my stuff, I do, I like to do it on the weekends. I don't like to do some of it during the week. I just would rather wait till the weekend. But so like, it's totally okay to have separate things and do separate things. As long as you also have something that's connecting you as well. It's when your life is totally separate. I think is when we can get a little bit in trouble because then we're, we're losing that connection to our partner. There's nothing anchoring you to back together. Right.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I've seen that too, you know, like with clients or even in my past personal life where there is nothing that anchors. So we kind of just wing it and also wait until something does come together. And that doesn't necessarily work either. So I like. The system that we've created, which is really focusing on our individual time, those individual hobbies that you mentioned. And then what's the thing that does anchor us? Like, I mentioned travel and vacations is our thing. That's what we love to do. So We're going to figure out a plan to make sure that we're getting a vacation or a couple's trip. And then also where's our family time fit in because we're a

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

and, you know, my daughter goes to spend time with her dad in the summers. Even so, what are we doing there? Are we doing a couple's trip or are we taking the time to do some solo trips for our

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

But looking at those four key pieces for us really allows our system to work.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. I love that. I love that you brought up even like being able to do a solo trip because I know some people who can't even wrap their mind around doing something on their own and so like traveling on their own, it's like almost out the window, but it's totally healthy as, as long as you and your partner are on the same page and you can express What that gives you and what that does does for you.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Mm hmm. Yeah. I agree too. Like I completely encourage it. But I know all of the barriers that can come with that too. And the insecurities and not within ourselves, but just our relationship, you know, like if there's trust or skepticism, we have to work through all of those things. So it does take, you know, a process, you know, it is work to get to those points of feeling secure and safe enough to go on solo trips and that be a healthy thing for your relationship.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Oh, yeah.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

just being mindful of that.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yeah. Well, we're about out of time and I don't want to like us to accidentally go over I want to respect your time But if you want to talk a little bit about your private practice and what you specialize in You can go ahead.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Oh, thank you. Yeah. So I service adults and I'm all virtual right now and I do service. Kansas, Missouri, and Texas. I do a lot of relational and EMDR therapy, so I'm working on that attachment based trauma. People tend to come to me for wanting to let go of unhealthy relationships or past relationships, and we use that past present. Approach with the relational therapy and then EMDR for that trauma focus to really work together on how to move on and just be present and healthy in your current relationship. Or if you're wanting to move forward, having healthy relationships with others. So a lot of attachment base,

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

That's awesome. No, it's really important. Really important work. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Alyssa, for taking the time to join us. And if you're listening and you thought this was a great episode, be sure to share with your friends. The more you share, the more this podcast gets out there and the more we can help each other out as moms and in our partnerships and marriages.

alyssa-myatt--she-her-_1_02-13-2025_110944:

Yes. for having me.

kayla_1_02-13-2025_110944:

We'll see you.