Episode 59: Finding Balance as a Millennial Mom with Special Guest Allie McQuaid, LCPC

Are you feeling the weight of motherhood, mental health, and the endless expectations placed on moms today? In this heartfelt episode, Kayla sits down with Allie McQuaid, a licensed professional counselor and perinatal mental health expert, to unpack the realities of modern parenting. 

Together, they explore: 

• The surprising ways social media impacts parenting perspectives. 
• How millennial moms are breaking generational cycles and building emotional resilience. 
• Strategies for balancing mental health, motherhood, and self-care. 

This episode offers an honest look at the joys and struggles of parenting while navigating anxiety and the mental load. If you’re craving practical tips and a refreshing perspective on motherhood, this one’s for you.

🎧 Tune in now and let us know your thoughts!

Helpful Links:

Website: https://www.treehousetherapyllc.com/

Social Media Handles

IG: @millennialmomtherapist

About the Podcast Host
Kayla Nettleton is a licensed therapist based in TX, business owner, mom of 3 kids and coach for therapists who want support and guidance in their journey in creating an aligned business model so that they can live the freedom based life they've always dreamed of without sacrificing their own needs.

In her private practice as a therapist Kayla specialize in helping women overcome anxiety, perfectionism and people pleasing tendencies so that they can lead a more fulfilled and authentically aligned life

Find Kayla on IG
@kaylanettleton_lcsw
@themodernmomsroadmaptobalance

Email: kayla@kaylanettleton.com

TX Residents can Schedule a Free 20 minute therapy consultation here.

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Transcript

Kayla Nettleton: 1:02

Hello everyone. And welcome back to the modern mom's roadmap to balance podcast. I'm your host Kayla Nettleton, and I'm so excited to introduce my guest today, Alison McQuaid. Ali is a licensed professional counselor based in Maryland and is certified in perinatal mental health by postpartum support international. She's been working with children and families for over nine years and has spent the past five years specifically helping moms. Navigate the many challenges of motherhood. Allie also brings lived experience to the table. Having struggled with anxiety since childhood, she's faced anxiety during pregnancy and postpartum, particularly during the height of the pandemic. Currently, Allie is in the process of finding her own confidence as a parent to an energetic preschooler, who I'm sure many of us can relate to. Welcome Allie.

Allie McQuaid: 1:54

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to talk today.

Kayla Nettleton: 1:58

Yes. And I'm so excited for you to be here. You also have a toddler and you said that your daughter is in preschool. So she started school. How has that felt kind of transitioning from like not being in school to being in preschool? Was she in daycare or was she at home with you?

Allie McQuaid: 2:16

Yeah, so she was in daycare. And I think, you know, as we were talking before the show started recording, about life with four year olds, four and a half, five year olds, you know, there was a lot going on early in their lives where we maybe were wondering like, what is daycare and preschool going to look like, you know, there were kind of a lot of unknowns with the world kind of being turned upside down during the pandemic. so we actually had to be on a wait list for a daycare. We live in an area where there was a little bit of a scarcity in terms of daycares that were open but we got her in around when she was two, and she's really enjoyed it. She's been at the same, learning center, like, child development center since she was two. So now she's in, the pre K classroom, and I'm like, how did we get here so quickly? But it's really cool seeing her learn. she seems to really love school. So we're hoping that. That stays that way.

Kayla Nettleton: 3:08

That's awesome. And so were you home with her for those first two years or how did you manage that? I mean, you've been doing therapy for nine years. So was she home with you? How did that work? Yeah,

Allie McQuaid: 3:21

so she was home with us. so my husband during that time, he was also going through a career change. So we had a lot of changes going on in 2020. We also moved. So it's like, why not just like turn our life around in 2020. But she was home with me while I was doing telehealth. sessions, which I think so many parents can relate to having their kids home while they're trying to work remotely or virtually. And we found pretty quickly that that wasn't working for anyone. Our house isn't very big. And, you know, of course, with the walls, I could hear her, she could hear me. You know, I was breastfeeding at the time, so it was just very complicated. So I'm very fortunate that my mom actually moved up to be closer to us. In 2019 So while I was pregnant we didn't know the pandemic was going to be happening, that we would need her so much in terms of those early years. But she really helped us out a lot. So she would watch her a lot if I was working from home virtually and then gradually shifted into more of a, like a hybrid schedule. So yeah, we've gone through kind of a lot of changes especially in those early years, but now it feels like, okay, this is, You know, I know you, you're going to ask me about feeling balanced, but I'm like, okay, now we feel like we're going to see the flow a little more balanced. I'm not feeling like she's so fragile anymore. You know, she's. Jumping off of things and Four year olds do so. Yeah

Kayla Nettleton: 4:46

Yeah, and you're absolutely right. I was going to ask you so what is your definition of a balanced life? Because this questions really fits in right now with what we're talking about in this recording.

Allie McQuaid: 4:59

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think it's one of these things where the balanced life is something not only just parents, but I think people in general are striving for. And in some ways it can feel like it's this unicorn mythical thing that like, do people actually achieve a balanced life? But I'm glad that you ask your guests. this in terms of how they define it, because I think it is so unique on the person and how they view what balance feels like for them. and I was thinking about it when you kind of proposed the question and I don't know about you. I'm I'm a nineties kid, so I used to play the game Tetris, you know, where, like the shapes come down and you have to try to fit them in. And that's what it feels like. life, Feels like sometimes where some of the shapes still easily be able to fit in and it seems to go smoothly. And then you're like, okay, next, next level. I'm on to the next level. But then sometimes it feels like they pile up and pile up and then you're like, Oh my gosh, I lost the game or I have to reset the game. And so that's kind of how I feel like. Each shape can represent something different for a different person. So, like, for me, it's really important to have leisure time, like, time to fulfill things in my identity. It's really important for me to have, a sense of, like, work life balance, which, again, I know feels, like, Unattainable for some people, I think something with the pandemic shifted that for a lot of people where they got the sense where they maybe try to incorporate that more in their life, or they wanted to make it more of a value and priority to have more work life balance. I ended up Building an office on our property so I could have more work life balance. and that's been really great in terms of my business, my practice. So yeah, and then other shapes, you know, quality time with friends and family, a sense of focus on my mental health, my physical health. You know, those are kind of, I guess, the different boxes that I would maybe try to achieve a sense of like feeling balanced in life, but knowing that it won't always feel balanced every single point of life, obviously.

Kayla Nettleton: 7:00

Oh yeah. I like the idea of. Thinking about it as the Tetris game, because you might be a season in life where you're at like those top levels where those shapes are coming at you really fast. And you're like, Oh my gosh, I'm trying to put all these shapes make them fit, make that line, right. Versus you might be kind of in a slower season where it is easier. It feels like easier to make those shapes fit.

Allie McQuaid: 7:25

Yeah, yeah. It feels to flow more easily. And like you just said, there's that moment where it feels like it's piling up. And then obviously once you get one pile, then when the next shapes come, you're like, Oh no, I'm not caught up yet. You know? So yeah. Yeah. And I think also just Again, with the analogy, like it then resets. And I think that can be hard for a lot of parents is like, how can I find my moment to reset? How can I find that chance to catch my breath to have some reprieve? And I know that that's the struggle because then that leads to burnout because it's like everything just keeps piling on and there's not the opportunity to feel like Mm hmm.

Kayla Nettleton: 8:06

And sometimes in order to reset, you have to Not, I wouldn't want to say like start from scratch because you're never really starting from scratch, but you have to kind of tear something down in order for it to be built back up in the way that is sustainable for you and sustainable for your family.

Allie McQuaid: 8:22

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, that kind of is the whole process of entering into motherhood. I mean, it feels like your identity is stripped away your body, your life, your. Your sense of like, what is time? You know, everything feels like it's oh yeah away and then you're like rebuilding it back up and I think, you know, I'm sure you've seen these messages before where you know I'm trying to get my body back or I'm trying to get back and it's like, Maybe those messages need to be shifted to like, well, first of all, you never lost those things. we're not trying to get a body back. If your body is still there, I know it's very different. I know that can be a big adjustment for so many new moms. But it's the sense of like, okay, I'm stepping into a new identity, a new role. I'm rebuilding this versus like striving for something that was in the past.

Kayla Nettleton: 9:12

Oh yeah, absolutely. And when we think about it as moms, a lot of us will spend lots and lots of time looking through social media, especially in those early stages when we feel like we can't do anything but sit on the couch or lay in bed with the baby in our arms. If you have the luxury to do that before you have to return back to work or whether you're a stay at home mom and social media is something that can really Negatively influence the way we view our life or the time that we're spending with our children, the time that we give to ourselves. What have you been seeing like with the clients that you work with and the impact social media has on them?

Allie McQuaid: 9:55

Yeah, I think that's been such an important factor of this new generation of moms, you know, that we weren't seeing so much. Even recently, like, say, 7 to 10 years ago, I think there's been a big shift and if there had to be a moment in time, clearly, I think the pandemic was so impactful, you know, because like you said, so many people were home, people were on their phones more, there were so much more need for support that we weren't getting in our, like, real life. That I think people sought out connection through social media and you know, you can't fault anybody for doing that. I think so many of us either download TikTok, I'm feeling proud, I still haven't downloaded TikTok and I don't plan to because I spend enough time on Instagram. But yeah, I think we're just seeking out this sense of like validation, connections, support, information, you know, that's I think a big shift in terms of social media. It's become such a info driven. Place where you can really actually get some valuable information. But then, like you said, you get into tricky territories where you're being fed certain information that you're like, maybe it isn't helpful, but you don't necessarily realize that at the time, you know, it may

Kayla Nettleton: 11:10

cause feelings

Allie McQuaid: 11:11

of guilt or shame or anxiety. And then you're feeling this need of like, well, I got to listen to this person or I need to get this product that they're linking because it's been life saving for them. So maybe it'll be life saving for me. You know, there's this. sense of unknown and wanting to feel more control, wanting to feel more confident. And so something in our fingertips, it just feels like easy access, you know?

Kayla Nettleton: 11:35

Absolutely. Yeah. And some of that stuff is What I found if we aren't stopping to take a look of what is it that we're really looking for? What is it that we're really trying to achieve with whatever product we see someone using or whatever it is that they're kind of promoting, then we forget that it's not all about the products. It's usually, we're looking for some type of support that we haven't maybe found the courage or don't know how to ask for it.

Allie McQuaid: 12:07

Yeah, no, I think that's, that's spot on, you know, because if you see something like, for example, in probably like almost the first full year of our daughter's life, she wasn't a strong sleeper. So I really got pulled into the sleep aids, like, you know, whether it was a certain swaddle or a certain, you know I'm forgetting the name now, cause it's been so long, but I mean, we had the one that made her look like the marshmallow. Oh, my God, it would kind of help with the more reflex and it would really strap her in. She looked hilarious in it. But you know, I just was striving for like, okay, I have to find the solution, you know, because you're right. The, the issue there was lack of sleep. So I needed support and, getting something like a night nurse was, you know, One, not in our budget, but two, also this was the height of the pandemic. I wasn't going to bring someone into our home in the middle of the night. So it gets really tricky. I think also when you think about the division of labor in the home, I know that's, It's a topic that is really skyrocketed in terms of discussion on social media, which again I think is valuable. Social media can be very valuable to provide information about the mental load and invisible labor and, how things are so imbalanced, typically within a household. And we fell into that without even trying. It was one of these things where I was breastfeeding, I was getting up, you know, every night with our daughter. My husband had to work. He got no. Paid parental leave, obviously. So he was back at work within a week and a half later after she was born. And with commuting, I'm like, well, I can't have him tired. then the self sacrifice comes in where I'm like, okay, I will sacrifice my needs. I will get up with her. But then of course, then like we just talked about, I needed to find a sleep solution. I needed sleep courses. I needed experts. I needed products, you know, so quickly the slippery slope goes.

Kayla Nettleton: 14:03

Absolutely. Especially with keeping all of that in, like, one of the things you said was, with the commute, I couldn't have him tired. I'm not going to go into the specifics about what you did or didn't do, but a lot of times I will find that moms or other women, they're not going to have that conversation with their spouse. Like they kind of have that conversation with themself of, I can't have them tired. So that's not even an option versus. Going to their partner and saying like, Hey, one of the kind of things that popped into my head is having you help at night, but what I'm worried about is that you're going to be so tired and something happened to you at work and then having that conversation.

Allie McQuaid: 14:44

You're, you're spot on. Yeah. Yeah. And you nailed it on the head in terms of like that internal conversation that we have with ourselves and, then feeling like this perpetuation of. Sacrificing our needs for what we think is the betterment of the household, for our kid, for our spouse, you know, for maybe other children in the home. And we think, okay, this is going to be what's best for everybody. So I have to kind of take the fall for that. And then, yeah, it just kind of continues from there. So maybe the baby eventually starts sleeping. But then we fallen into this pattern where maybe I become the default parent because I know how to soothe her better, or I know, you know, so then it just continues into toddlerhood because it's like, you know, there's become this dynamic, that happens where it becomes really hard to break unless there is a conversation that is had, which we did have in three you know, I mean, that's a conversation I talk with my clients about all the time is that, well, it's just easier if I do it, versus trying to initiate the conversations or they try and then it maybe kind of goes south. So yeah, you're, you're spot on. It's like, it becomes this internal dialogue of like, well, I mean, I'll just, I'll just sacrifice my needs. I'll do it.

Kayla Nettleton: 16:02

Yeah. And I mean, we're not like as moms, we're not happy. Like that specific thought, like, I'll just, I'll just sacrifice myself or I'll just sacrifice my own needs. But it's something that will like slowly kind of happen. And we've made that small choice partially. Yes. There is some accountability for our partner too, to be able to step into help, but ultimately we have to advocate for ourself. Hopefully in the future, our partners will also already know kind of how to step in because they're going to be influenced by our generation. of having this issue be at the forefront of conversations, but it's something that I've struggled with myself in terms of having that internal conversation with myself or not allowing my husband to kind of figure things out for himself. So we have three kids and our first, I remember taking over a lot. So if like my husband was struggling with something, Whether it was trying to soothe our son or figure something out with him, or I don't know, make something. And I saw him struggling or something. I would just step in like, Oh, I got it. I got it. It's okay. and part of it was like me being uncomfortable with them being uncomfortable. And in the moment. Seems easier. And it probably is. It's probably easier to just step in. But when you look at this over time, it's not because then I end up doing the everything because I never gave my husband the chance to figure it out. Yeah. Oh man. I, if

Allie McQuaid: 17:38

I had a dollar for every time I've heard a story similar to that, but you're so right, because it's that discomfort that we're, feeling and feeling like, oh, well, it's just easier if I take over because then I don't feel uncomfortable. with the discomfort that's happening either with my baby or with my spouse. So yeah, you're right. It's part of that is accepting some discomfort, accepting, you know, kind of a chance to adapt and be flexible and encourage your partner to, do the same it's one thing if the partner is kind of just handing the baby over, like, well, I can't deal with this, you know, and unfortunately that can happen. That dynamic can

Kayla Nettleton: 18:14

happen.

Allie McQuaid: 18:15

But I see what you're saying where the mom swoops in even before, the partner has a chance to attempt to try to, you know and that's a big thing that I think also like not to switch gears, but it, I mean, that's a big proponent of like anxiety treatment and that's all I mean, something that across the board, whether it's a child or an adult, I'm like, Part of working through managing anxiety is experiencing that discomfort when anxiety comes up. You know, you have to learn how to tolerate that. So I know it's really hard. I mean, I think that was one of my biggest challenges is becoming a new mom is how much dysregulation and discomfort came up in those moments. When I saw my baby, especially when I saw her at that, that I almost just wanted to like make that go away. I'm like, no, like, I don't want this to happen right now. I need to make myself feel comfortable. And I think a lot of that was the anxiety talking.

Kayla Nettleton: 19:08

Yeah. And, as moms, we don't want our, see our kids upset or, um, Like having these strong emotions that they do need to learn how to work through and it's just hard but we have to let them figure out and us teach them how to work through those emotions and at the same time learning to do it ourselves because A lot of the times it's because we, we don't even know how to manage those emotions, how to process them and how to just sit with them. Yeah, yeah.

Allie McQuaid: 19:39

Yeah. I mean, that's a big focus on my page even is just talking about the millennial experience in particular, because that seems to be a big demographic in my client load is, people, in their, Like early thirties, the early forties, roughly and just talking about the experiences that we had in childhood where we weren't taught these things and now we're having to learn them as adults well into adulthood and also teach our kids at the same time. So it's almost like we're learning a new language while we're teaching our kids a new language and it just feels, it feels. Overwhelming, especially when you're already depleted and burnt out and feel like you have low support then you're taking on this big undertaking that feels like we're responsible for the mental health of our kids. I mean, that's, that's quite a load to carry.

Kayla Nettleton: 20:30

Absolutely. I'm a millennial and you're right. as a millennial, our parents. For the most part did not parent us in the way that we're trying to parent our children. So we are learning this language as we're trying to teach it to our children. And it's so difficult and frustrating and brings up a lot of emotions and sadness. Sometimes I wish I had already had these tools. I wish this wasn't something that I was having to learn while I'm trying to teach my children the same, my child, the same.

Allie McQuaid: 21:03

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It feels like such a internal kind of tug of war experience where, you know, there's a sense of grief or loss almost of like moments in childhood that we didn't get to experience and now we're having to kind of morph things in real time and give our children these experiences. But then I also feel like there's even some pushback either within our own generation or with the older generation that may be involved with caretaking where they're like, Oh, you know, you're raising your kids too soft or we didn't talk about the other. And have tantrums like this or this would have never flown when you were growing up kind of thing. And so then that feels like a conflict with like the sandwich generation where we're then having to almost like kind of teach our parents how we want the next generation of kids to be, you know, raised. So it just feels like, yeah, again, this just. load this sense of pressure where we want to get it right. I think that's something that I hear so much with the moms I work with is, you know, I don't want to screw up my kids or I don't want to give them trauma because so many people are in therapy to reprocess and work through trauma healing. And, you know, there's this idea that if that happened for their Children, that that would maybe reflect a failure. Experience. And so there is some work in terms of reframing that thought there that going into therapy doesn't necessarily mean that your parents failed. So, you know, there's a lot of nuance that goes into that. But but yeah, there's a lot of kind of self criticism, self doubt going on in the moms in this generation.

Kayla Nettleton: 22:42

Oh, yeah, like going back to social media. There's so much information out there, and there's so many people trying to tell you what you should be doing or how you should be parenting or what's It's the best way to parent in that particular way that you're wanting to parent. Like if you're doing gentle parenting or I don't know, there's so many names for it now, right? Like, but it, it comes down to you're doing the same kind of parenting style. It has different names or there's maybe one unique point about it versus the other one. And there's, and it can be so confusing. It's like, okay, what am I, what do I do? How do I do this? What is the best way? But there's not going to be a. best way it's going to be, what's the way that's going to work for your family. And that comes down to thinking about your values and how you want to raise your family. And even reflecting on things you want to bring in from your childhood that you did enjoy and kind of how do we not bring in those things that we didn't enjoy or didn't like about how we were raised.

Allie McQuaid: 23:44

Yeah, yeah, you're so spot on in terms of this idea that, okay, there's almost like a script or there's a method or a manual that now feels like it's out there in the world, you know, from the messages we get from social media that, okay, if we follow this, then that means it's almost like, A one way ticket to feeling like I'm a successful parent that I, I did it right, you know, with air quotes. But you're right. you could try a method and it could totally fall flat. Like in your child may not respond well to that method. You know, each kid has their own temperament, their own traits. You also have your own sense of style as a parent, even if you don't feel like you know it yet. But if it's going to feel robotic, if it's going to feel scripted, you know, kids, they're intuitive. They can read through that. They're like, okay, this is it. You know, this doesn't feel right. So yeah, it's about finding what's really the priority in terms of your parenting experience and what are the values that you share within yourself and also, your partner or anyone else involved with caretaking. You want to feel on the same page. And I think the one thing that stands out to me probably the most with this generation in terms of what we're doing differently that a lot of us didn't receive growing up is the art of like repairing and apologizing to our kids. Because that also really aligns well with the idea of being an imperfect parent, which is something I preach all the time is that we are imperfect beings. And so of course, How could we imagine if we're imperfect and then we become a parent now and we're magically perfect And it's like no that doesn't make sense so I really encourage my clients to Have a lot of compassion and accept this idea that we cannot be perfect all the time. We are going to mess up up. We are going to maybe yell or, you know, do something that wasn't in our values for how we want to parent. But then there's the opportunity for repair. There's the opportunity to show your children that, Hey, you know, mommy yelled, I shouldn't have done that. you don't deserve to be free that way. You know, really showing them kind of the next generation of like, okay, how do relationships work? it's this give and take and just really focusing on that.

Kayla Nettleton: 26:01

Yeah, and I mean, because the give and take it's like you said, we're not going to be perfect. So the repair is so helpful because we're going to make mistakes.

Allie McQuaid: 26:12

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But, you know, back to kind of like what we started talking about with social media, it often feels that way in these little. you know, quick reels and these posts and these little sound bites that we see that it's like this is what you need to do. And if you don't do it, then X Y Z will happen. Or, this is what's gonna help your kid, not have tantrums anymore. And so it feels like Who wouldn't want that solution? You know like we talked about before, with the discomfort that comes up inside of us when our kid is tantruming. Yeah, we want to end that. You know, who wouldn't want that to, you know, experience that discomfort? It doesn't feel good. So yeah, it is definitely this, this conflict of like, well, I'm getting these messages that tell me that, I could do this this way, or I should be doing it this way. But then maybe I'm hearing from other people such as like a supportive friend, a therapist, maybe even someone from a different point in their parenting journey. And they're telling you, like, No, don't worry about that stuff. So it can feel like this concept when you're a new mom and you're experiencing this for the first time. Like what messages do I listen to? How do I filter these things out? So it can take some time, but I think like you mentioned with values work, I think that can really help to piece apart. Like, how am I feeling after doing this content? am I feeling a sense of shame? Am I feeling guilty? And that may not be the type of content that you want to keep viewing and then curating your feed from there to maybe unfollow or really highlight other supportive information.

Kayla Nettleton: 27:46

Oh, yeah. Yeah, and I often will tell clients this. All of the time. And I know I've said it a few times on the podcast that if you're following someone and it's not uplifting you or making you feel better, and it's actually making you feel worse or making you second guess your own decisions in parenting, feel free to unfollow those. Those are the accounts that you need to unfollow for your own wellbeing, for your own mental health.

Allie McQuaid: 28:11

Yeah, I fully support that message. I tell my clients that all the time. All right. Do we need to go through and do some spring cleaning? Do we need to look through things? Because yeah, I think at one point maybe some of those accounts would have been helpful. And I think they're again, back to like the information that you can receive so quickly through social media versus like nobody really has time to sit down and read a book when they're early postpartum, you know, maybe some do, but you're. Up at 3 a. m., feeding your baby. Yeah, you might pull out your phone and you're scrolling. And so maybe you do get little bits of soundbite information that can be helpful. But at the same time, yeah, it can, Be a slippery slope and take you down a path of spiraling and doubting yourself and, and all of that. So, yeah, I think having these points in time throughout your journey of looking through and saying, like, okay, like, how do I feel about this account? Is this really helping me and giving yourself permission to follow?

Kayla Nettleton: 29:06

Yeah, I mean, because there are tons of accounts out there that are actually helpful. Like there's accounts. The first thing that's coming to my mind is like lunches and food. And so there are some accounts that are realistic and really helpful and helping to create family meals that all the kids are going to enjoy that are easy and quick and Use ingredients that I already have in my pantry, but then there's accounts who they're making it just like an aesthetically pleasing photo, but they're using ingredients that you don't really have, or maybe not even in your local grocery store or it's just. Not something that is part of your diet or something. And so it's not attainable or it's not realistic in your life. Yeah. Or you don't have hours to spend chopping everything or cleaning everything in that way of how they're telling you to. So it's those types of things. It's not to say don't follow these accounts. It's choose the ones that are going to help you versus make you feel overwhelmed.

Allie McQuaid: 30:06

Absolutely. And think about the purpose of some of these accounts. Like some of these accounts, it is like a highlight reel. It's very aesthetically pleasing. And that may be the intention of the account to be almost like, I like to call some of those sometimes like palette cleansers. Like there's this one account that I follow and she makes these really gourmet dishes. And they're like, Small and beautiful. And I'm like, I'm never going to make any of these, but I like watching her cook it because I've always had an interest in cooking and things like that. I'm starting to slowly have time to get back into that. But just seeing her even make and prepare these things. I'm like, that's really cool. It's like watching like a mini cooking show in a way. or I have a lot of dog videos that pop up all the time and I'm like, I'm not going to buy more dogs. But I like looking at these cute dogs and what they're doing, you know? So I think also. Some of the times you have to think about, like, what's the intent of me following this account? why do I have this on my feed? Mm hmm.

Kayla Nettleton: 31:00

Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's even some that I follow just because I like that influencer, because she tries on and the, frame of her body is more like mine. So I'm like, the only option is really to order online. And this lady orders online. She's showing me what they look like. That's probably going to be what it looks like on my body. And that's helpful for me and her style kind of matches my casual button style too. And so those accounts make me happy. But I do have to be careful because sometimes I'm like, Oh, I really like that sweater, but I don't need any more sweaters because I already have over 10.

Allie McQuaid: 31:35

So I think what you noticed that you needed to do for yourself and this is something I'm starting to do is like pause, pause, let me think for a second, you know, if you need to add it to your cart and then like maybe walk away for a second and then look back in a day or two and be like, do I really need this? You know, taking that moment to pause instead of. Being so impulsive and like, Oh, it looks great on her. I got to have it now because that's going to make me feel confident in my body. In my late thirties, you know, that's, part of the whole identity shift is finding way, finding yourself again. And sometimes it can feel so appealing. Like, Oh, she looks so happy. She looks so cute. I want to look like that. And then it's so easy to kind of get caught up in that world. But but yeah, you're right. Like finding someone that you feel like you can relate to that you can see yourself in, I'm all about that.

Kayla Nettleton: 32:19

Yeah. so I know this episode is not going to come out probably this year, but even with thinking of gift giving, we can think about gift giving in terms of like birthdays, it doesn't just have to be for holidays or whatever holiday that you celebrate, that's not necessarily. Christmas or this type of year. But one of the things that I did when I was scrolling, I was like, Oh my gosh, I love this. But instead of following that account, I ended up just commenting so I could get whatever link. that they were going to send me. And so I have that to look back on in my messages. And I hadn't thought of doing that, but I'm like, I don't need to follow another influencer account, but I liked what this was offering. And if I feel the need to follow her later, then I'll do it later. But even stopping to pause in that is also can be helpful.

Allie McQuaid: 33:05

Yeah, yeah, and you're right that I think is a somewhat new feature in Instagram where, you know, you can get a link to a specific either template or guide or product or, you know, whatever it is. So you don't then have to add more. Noise even to your feet. You're like, okay, I just wanted this one specific thing and that that can be very helpful to kind of weed out certain things or just filtering things more. So, yeah, that's a great point. Yeah,

Kayla Nettleton: 33:32

so. Allie, can you talk a little bit about some of the services that you offer?

Allie McQuaid: 33:39

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So I'm located in Maryland USA, and I'm only licensed in Maryland. So at the time, that's where I see my clients. I see them in person. I. offer kind of a unique setting where I have like a little she shed on our property. So very comfortable kind of almost nature based oriented therapy where it's just a very kind of homey setting. So that's where I offer in person in virtual clients through my Instagram page. I offer just a lot of Free resources, content, humor, connection, you know I don't use my page to offer early coaching or groups or anything like that. But I really love creating a sense of millennial community. Like we all are kind of getting it. We were in it. We're feeling the struggles. So I offer a lot of content on my page there. So I love to connect with people through, through that.

Kayla Nettleton: 34:35

That's awesome. Well, thank you so much for giving us your time today. I loved this conversation, especially talking about kind of being aware of how much we're spending on social media and how that is influencing us and our moods. Because We really have to stop and think about like, is this actually helping us or is it hurting us?

Allie McQuaid: 34:59

Yeah,

Kayla Nettleton: 35:00

yeah, you're so right. And so I hope you have a good rest of your day, Allie. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I really enjoyed this. Have a good day. Thanks.