The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast

Episode 53: Practical Tools for Assertive Communication and Empowerment with Special Guest Dr. Zoe Rapoport

• Kayla Nettleton • Episode 53

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Do you struggle with setting boundaries, saying no, or speaking up for your needs? In this episode, Kayla Nettleton chats with Dr. Zoe Rapoport, licensed clinical psychologist and expert in women's health, about how assertive communication can transform your relationships and daily life. Together, they explore the challenges of balancing motherhood, perfectionism, and people-pleasing with actionable strategies for creating a life that feels more balanced and fulfilling.

Key takeaways from this episode:

  • What assertive communication really means (and how it’s different from aggression).
  • Practical tips for setting boundaries and saying no without guilt.
  • How assertiveness can help teach kids healthy communication.
  • Strategies to break free from perfectionism and people-pleasing.
  • The role of self-care in curating a balanced, empowered life.

Whether you’re a mom, a professional, or simply someone feeling overwhelmed, this episode will leave you inspired to take control of your time, energy, and voice.

🎧 Listen now and take the first step toward a more authentic, empowered you!

Helpful Links:

Website: https://zoerapoportconsulting.com/

Social Media Handles

https://www.facebook.com/zoe.rapoport.9
https://www.linkedin.com/in/zoerapoportphd/

For the full show notes visit:  




About the Podcast Host
Kayla Nettleton is a licensed therapist based in TX, business owner, mom of 3 kids and coach for therapists who want support and guidance in their journey in creating an aligned business model so that they can live the freedom based life they've always dreamed of without sacrificing their own needs.

In her private practice as a therapist Kayla specialize in helping women overcome anxiety, perfectionism and people pleasing tendencies so that they can lead a more fulfilled and authentically aligned life


Find Kayla on IG
@kaylanettleton_lcsw
@themodernmomsroadmaptobalance

Email: kayla@kaylanettleton.com

TX Residents can Schedule a Free 20 minute therapy consultation here.

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Kayla Nettleton:

Hello. Hello everyone. And welcome back to the modern mom's roadmap to balance podcast. I'm your host Kayla Nettleton. And today my guest is Dr. Zoe Rappaport. She is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 10 years of experience in New York city, specializing in women's health and empowerment, life transitions, and identity changes. She uses a woman centered collaborative approach to empower women in their personal and professional lives as the founder of Zoe Rappaport consulting, she also coaches women leaders, helping them enhance their communication skills and assertiveness in all areas of life. Dr. Zoe offers one on one sessions, group masterclasses, and soon to be released self paced courses to support women in becoming confident, effective communicators. She brings a deep understanding of the unique challenges women face during all stages of motherhood and life stages and how challenging finding balance truly is. Well, thank you so much for joining us, Zoe.

Zoe Rapoport:

Thanks for having me.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yes. And with the question that I ask every guest, what is your definition of a balanced life?

Zoe Rapoport:

That's a great question. I think it is different for most people, but it's going to involve some things you say yes to, and some things you say no to, and curating what you commit yourself to. You cannot do everything. So, I think it's about what are your goals. What do you enjoy? What do you have to do? And what do you need to do? And finding the balance between those three things.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yeah. I love that. And I love that word curating because for me, what comes up when I'm thinking of curate is you're intentionally choosing what it is that you want in your life and what you don't want in your life.

Zoe Rapoport:

Exactly. Yeah. It's not random. It's not chance. It's chance. It should be active decisions on your part. I know we all have to do some things we don't really want to do, but that's where the balance comes in. Some things have to be done and some things want to be done. So how do you balance that? And that involves being intentional with what you say yes to and what you say no to.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yeah. And I know that, in our talks, before we hit the record button, I know that you work with people pleasers and perfectionists. Do you find that this is even more difficult for women who identify as a people pleaser or perfectionist?

Zoe Rapoport:

Yeah. absolutely. Recovering people pleasers as you might put it, or just people pleasers who are ready to. Put themselves in the mix, really have trouble saying no to anything because they're so focused on how other people feel that they lose track of what they even want. You could see that not just with mothers, but women in general, like on dates, things like that. I'd have clients who talked about worrying about how they would come off to other people. And I'd say, well, what about you? Did you like this person? They hadn't even thought about it.

Kayla Nettleton:

Oh my gosh.

Zoe Rapoport:

even more so with moms and your kids since pretty much were hardwired to care so much that they put the kids needs first in terms of social, nutritional activities to the point that. We can get really burnt up and I'm guilty of it too. And I'm not a self proclaimed people pleaser, but I am a mom and it still takes conscious effort all the time to balance because it's very easy to kind of just go straight into what does everybody else need and go into problem solving and fix it mode and forget you're being present and focused on a balance.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yeah. And I had actually recently read a perfectionist guide to losing control. And I highly recommend that book for anyone who feels like they're perfectionist. It is so good. and this is part of the reason why I started this podcast, not because of the book. I mean, we've been on for over a year now. But To highlight how everyone's definition of balance is different and this idea of like all of the scales being balanced and even that's not the reality, but us being able to choose what it is that we do want to balance in our life. Not that everything is going to be perfectly balanced and aligned in our life, especially in different seasons. And so this is kind of what came up for me as you were talking about that. And especially with the cure rating and being intentional and how as people blazers it can be really difficult to remember that because that can drive you to want to make everything balanced, not just for yourself, but like your family and everyone in your life. And it's just not possible. you have to return back to yourself.

Zoe Rapoport:

I think that's such a good point. And I think also as therapists, we find ourselves trying to solve problems for other people all the time, people, pleasers and perfectionists too. And that further takes away from us focusing on our needs, on our wants, on our fulfill, you know, lifestyle and balanced lifestyle. So remembering, right. I'm not here to fix everyone's problems, especially when I'm not at work. Right. I can support and I can be there, but I don't actually have to find the solution to everything. So I love that. Yeah. And the idea of that perfectionist guide to losing control, because perfectionists are trying to control every outcome, which you can't. I imagine that's part of the book. I'm not sure, but I feel like that's such an important. And it's, it's a great piece to remember that you can control what you bring into it, but you can't control how it's taken or what the outcome actually is.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yeah.

Zoe Rapoport:

So that's, I'm definitely going to look into that book. That's great.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yeah. And for listeners here, I'll definitely link it in the show notes. So if you want, you can find the link directly to, Amazon

Zoe Rapoport:

Or your local library, which I love. I love my e library.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yes. Your local library. That's funny. I didn't even bring that up because earlier I was on my library catalog looking for a book that I had found on Facebook. I think someone recommended it. And so I was just on there trying to figure it out cause I had never used their online portal to reserve a book. And so I was doing that earlier today.

Zoe Rapoport:

So we are big fans. We also take out books for our kid and put it back. We buy the ones that we take out over and over again. But Yeah. Your local library is a great resource for everything. Oh, Yeah. Parenting books that you only want to read once.

Kayla Nettleton:

Oh, yeah. Or parenting books that you think you like and then you're like, oh, well, actually this is not for me.

Zoe Rapoport:

Exactly. It's a great trial.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yes. And I was not the greatest library person. I had a really hard time. We don't live that far from the library. It probably is like a five minute drive. And I was really bad at returning the books. And then it would get so late and like, Oh, well, I'm going to have to return these, but I want to do it in person. So I know that they're checking them in and I'm like, Oh, that's, that's what I'm saying is all. I was like, Ooh, that's a bit of perfectionism coming out.

Zoe Rapoport:

I was thinking the same thing. Oh, that's the perfectionist guide

Kayla Nettleton:

because they have a drive through where you can just. Drop them in so that was one time, so I had to pay a fine. And then the second time I tried recently, I, again, forever, it was probably like six months late with my books. And part of it was cause we had lost one. And then for some reason in my mind, I'm like, well, I want to return them all together, which is. One like, hello, Kayla, you don't have to turn them all together. It's okay. And so for the first time ever, I renewed my books. And then they sent me a text message and they were like, Choose one of these responses. And one of them was renewing. So I renewed them. So I feel really good about that.

Zoe Rapoport:

They want it to be easy. And that's the good thing about online books. Of course, they either automatically take them back or automatically renew. You cannot have a late return online.

Kayla Nettleton:

That's true. Cause I would just like pull them away automatically.

Zoe Rapoport:

Just pull them away. Exactly.

Kayla Nettleton:

And all of these that I had were physical books. So that was definitely on me.

Zoe Rapoport:

No, I'm not great at returning books on time either, to be honest. And it's about a two minute walk for me.

Kayla Nettleton:

Oh, okay.

Zoe Rapoport:

Yeah. I don't even have to get in the car.

Kayla Nettleton:

So going back to our conversation, one of the things in being able to balance our life or figure out that balance, how we want it to be, we have to be in communication with our people, whether that's our partners or our family members, however, your family looks. You have to be communication. And when I was reading through some stuff assertive communication came up in your application. And I know assertiveness is. Like a dirty word It's almost like, Ooh, that person, doesn't always bring about confidence when I'm thinking of assertiveness, I'm also thinking of someone who's confident, but that's not always a picture of people picture. Especially for women, right? assertive man and an assertive woman. Different images come up for people when they're thinking of the two.

Zoe Rapoport:

Absolutely. I write a lot about this in my blogs and actually this will be what my course and group program is heavily focused on. one of the main things I have found is that people equate assertiveness with aggressiveness for women.

Yes.

Zoe Rapoport:

And it's not the same thing. They're completely different. So I actually, made a little chart about different types of communication with passive on one side, assertive in the middle, and aggressive on the other. So you can really see the differences and a nice visual. I'm a very visual person. I love tables and graphs, all that stuff. So if you think of assertive, it's actually in the middle, and it's ideal because it basically just means you're being clear, direct, You're respecting my space. You're respecting your space. There's room for collaboration and feedback, but aggressiveness. It's basically a bully. Honestly, an aggressive person talks over you. There's no room for input. There's no room for collaboration. it's direct, but also not necessarily even caring about being clear. It's very different. But as women, we are so heavily socialized and expected to be passive, permissive, submissive, that any little bit of assertiveness is met with resistance and like, whoa, calm down, you know, like, why are you upset or something's, you know but it's not, Picture a man saying the exact same thing. Would it be aggressive or would it be direct and clear and considered leadership style? So trying to remember all that, how would someone else say it? Or even how do you want to say it? Remove the filler words, remove the maybe would you do you mind? Like all of that is not necessarily to be clear and assertive, but assertiveness is not aggressive, but I work with so many women who have not been assertive that any little bit of directness, even forget assertiveness, just being a little more direct feels aggressive, but it's just something completely outside your comfort zone. And you're worried about how people are going to a huge difference. It's not a dirty word. It's a really healthy way to be, I think.

Kayla Nettleton:

No, it really is. And what have you found the most challenging for the clients that you work with in being able to practice and implement assertiveness, assertive communication?

Zoe Rapoport:

Worrying and actually dealing with pushback. From people other people kind of challenging their direct speech or their direct communication or their wants or needs. And it's something that's actually to be expected when you're changing how you communicate. People are going to be a little surprised if you work with any therapists, you know, and family systems, it works in any relational dynamic that someone does try to keep it at the status quo and shifts are possible, but there's always a little like. Adjustment period and pushing back and people learning your new boundaries and being surprised by them. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. But what I have helped people do is even say, hey, with a close friend or family member, someone you're pretty comfortable with. Cause I also recommend starting with people you're comfortable with. I want to try some new ways of communicating. I want to be more direct. Can you support me in this? And they can even, talk about the process and that helps make it a little more doable, maybe less threatening to themselves and others, you know? So yeah, a big part is. It's trying to predict the reaction one of the most common things I hear is being afraid of like hurting other people's feelings or being seen as rude.

Yeah.

Zoe Rapoport:

For a moment. Those are big, big ones. I hear on repeat. I don't know if that resonates with you and yeah,

Kayla Nettleton:

I actually had like a specific client coming into my mind because this is one of the things that they struggle with in terms of. Being more assertive and when assertiveness is really about being more clear about what it is that your needs are in your communication style. And that fear is there in terms of, I don't want this to come off a certain way, right? Or I don't want to be seen as aggressive, but assertiveness and aggressive are two different things.

Zoe Rapoport:

they really are two different things. And you got to ask why are we so comfortable being passive?

I mean,

Zoe Rapoport:

that's not clear at all. People don't know what you're thinking. It leads to being passive aggressive because you've built up resentment and frustration and feeling like you're being ignored, dismissed, and stepped on. And that also doesn't create authentic relationships. So being assertive is better at work. It's better at home. It's better for balance. Cause you know, sometimes we're not honest with ourselves either. So let's be assertive about what we do not like and what we really hate and limit what we hate doing. As much as possible. Obviously, you gotta have to make lunch every day and things like that, which is tedious, but maybe something that comes up to is what work right when people are being asked to stay late or do things past their working hours or do tasks that are not part of their job role, and they end up just taking it on and on and on as opposed to setting a boundary and putting their phone on. Do not disturb if it's not 9 to 5. Mhm. Those are their hours and taking on every crisis, you know, of their direct superior, things like that. At home, it might be spending too long with the in laws. That's just overwhelming. As opposed to saying, here's my time limit. Can we try to work within it? Or taking space or just communicating what. You want, and what you feel like you really have a limit about, because when you go past that limit, you're probably not that fun for anyone anymore. You're not having fun. We don't hide it very well. I'm pretty annoyed and cranky. And most people appreciate direct communication, even if they have to get used to it a little bit.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yes. And also when you're communicating in that way, You can come to some sort of compromise or understanding. So it's funny that you mentioned spending more time with your in laws because in the beginning of the relationship between my husband and I, the family dynamics. like my parents and stuff, we would spend a lot of time together. My husband was not used to that. He did not have the same family dynamics for one. His mom didn't even live in the area. She lived in a different city in Texas. So that was one thing. And he didn't have the. Closest relationship with his dad. So he just wasn't used to spending a lot of time with family. And I was totally opposite. we lived in the same area as my parents. And my grandparents live right next door in the same, five acre property. So I was so used to being around family. And when we would hang out, it would be for hours. This was not just 30 minutes or an hour. It was, we're going to be there all day. especially if it was like a celebration. So okay. Exaggerating a little bit. We're not there all day, from morning to evening. But if we would go over there for Christmas or Thanksgiving, we could be there from, Five or six to like 10 or 11. So that's the day. Right. And so he was not used to that. but that was my expectation. And so whenever we were there, before he even brought this up as like a problem or an issue for him, or just that just wasn't his expectation, I would get upset because I'm like, why are we leaving? Like, why do you want to leave? We've only been here for this long. But my expectation was like, Oh, I'm used to this. This is, he did not have an expectation. So it wasn't until I chatted about it with him, because for me, the problem was, is I was enjoying my family and I could understand that we didn't have to be there at like those times. Every time we went, but for special holidays or celebrations, I ended up telling him like, Hey, I want to be here for this time. And if you're okay with that, just let me know. If not, we can take separate vehicles, but we had to figure out like what was going on for both of us because resentment could have really been infused in there. If this was not something that. Either of us had paid attention to

Zoe Rapoport:

that comes out all the time, right?

Kayla Nettleton:

Yeah Yeah, yeah, because I would get annoyed that he wanted to leave early and he was probably getting annoyed that I wanted to stay so Yeah, and so I had to be assertive in what my needs were and being able to spend time with family And only from there were we able to come up with compromises

Zoe Rapoport:

Right because then he could actually hear what your needs and expectations were and vocalize that his were different Sometimes it's hard if you don't say what it is. You don't even know that they're different He just knows he's hit this limit and it's done right now and it's probably already been done and he tried to stick it out And now he can't anymore Yeah Like in our my early days of being a mom and we would go to my partner's family honestly, I went up and took a couple naps because that's what I needed and Might have been hard at first but they were really open and welcoming about it. And I talk to him saying, you know, Hey, this is a hard time. I want you to see your family and the baby, but I'm just not feeling it. And they were like, go take a nap. And it was, it was good, you know, but if I hadn't said it and tried to stay awake or just gone through it without speaking, I probably would have been super cranky, ruined it for everyone and not want to go back again. Then it makes the next times even where, if it's different and everyone kind of understands that We can all spend more time with our own family than our partners can with our own family and vice versa. Right. So knowing that, okay, if I want to be there for a weekend or even like, six hours, my partner's going to need a break and that should be okay. But I think when there's no clear communication, we get nervous when our partner is dissociating or separating or like disconnecting from the moment as opposed to, are you okay? As opposed to, I'm taking a mental break and that's rewarding and really easy to accept if you have a secure communication line, I think.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yeah. Yeah. And even just going about what you said in terms of we can usually spend more time with our family than our partner's family. Yes. There are cases where it's reverse, where we feel like we can spend so much more time with our partner's family than we do our own family. It just depends on the relationship. But my point here is in order to have these conversations. We have to confront the issue with our partners and confrontation is also seen as a dirty word and assertiveness, and they kind of go hand in hand, because when you're going to confront someone with a specific issue or complaint. You want to be assertive in that communication so that you're clear and that There's no confusion of what it is you're trying to say, or you're trying to beat around the bush about something.

Zoe Rapoport:

Yeah, absolutely. they really are similar. So you think of, okay, assertive communication confrontation, and then I would ask you, okay, what if I said confident communication instead? Does that have the same feeling? Right. It sounds more empowered a confident discussion would involve confrontation and discuss, back and forth, which is what a confrontation is. It doesn't have to be an aggressive one. And what if I told you, you know, they're the exact same things. And I could name a course, assertive communication or confident communication or leadership communication, and they'd actually all teach the exact same thing. It's all, like you said, it's about perspective about what words have been taught to mean to us. We're supposed to be afraid of being assertive or uncomfortable with it. And to be quite frank, I think part of society depends on us being uncomfortable with it, unfortunately. I'll tell you actually I was invited to speak at yeshiva university in front of about a hundred of their female scholars. I was pretty nervous about it and they found me because I wrote very openly about assertive communication, but when I was asked to speak, they asked me to change it to confident communication, same programming, same information. And they found me cause they looked it up as assertiveness. And then felt softening it would bring more people in or invite more people to feel open as opposed to, you know, push them away with the term assertiveness. So I fully respect that. People are open to receiving things in different ways, which is also why it's important to know that direct communication doesn't mean harsh. It doesn't mean you can't find the right way to say something. It doesn't mean there's only one way to say something. It doesn't have to be rude or anything like that. I love helping women find their voice, not my voice

because I'm more

Zoe Rapoport:

comfortable being kind of aggressively direct sometimes again, that's me, but helping other people find how they're comfortable saying it. You can still be so much more direct than you're being in your own voice It usually involves actually removing some of your filler words It's actually usually pretty simple to get started, you know, removing those qualifiers of like, do you mind maybe if you thought, you know, anything along those lines.

Oh yeah.

Zoe Rapoport:

Yeah. I'm just

Kayla Nettleton:

emailing you or I'm just, wanting to know. Right. Spiller words.

Zoe Rapoport:

Yeah. Exactly. Wondering if you thought this maybe would be a good idea. And meanwhile, you're saying all those words you haven't even gotten to the point.

Kayla Nettleton:

Oh, yeah. People stop

Zoe Rapoport:

reading.

Kayla Nettleton:

Uh huh. No. They do. Or they're like trying to skim. They're like, what is she trying to say or what are they trying to say?

Zoe Rapoport:

Yes, exactly. So actually something I like doing in my previous group workshops is I made a little worksheet where basically you're going to talk about the three points you want to get across and make bullet points. How do you want to say it? What are three different ways to say it? Take a look again. Can you remove 50 percent of the loop?

Kayla Nettleton:

Oh yeah.

Zoe Rapoport:

You know, so it's a process. It's a learned skill. It's the same point. But you can usually get it across more simply. Maybe that's another way to put it. Communicate simply. Yeah. A little more simply can really be more direct as well.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yeah. And I also want to highlight what you just said. This is a learn skill. This is something that you can learn. This is not something that someone is just innately born with. We are innately born to follow our intuition. And we're oftentimes pushed to not think about it anymore, not pay attention to that anymore, but in terms of our communication styles, we're not born with those things.

Zoe Rapoport:

No. And, as a mom of a toddler, he's about three and a half now. I've seen the development and I, you know, growing up in the eighties, it was kind of different. There was not always this, like, what are you feeling? Let's bring that out. Like what's going on? Let's do hot cocoa, calm breathing, you know, cocoa. And like, it's so funny. And I see all these opportunities where someone could have squashed his curiosity and development. As opposed to trying to understand where he's coming from, recognizing where he is developmentally and also learning to deal with tantrums and that he'll be okay. You know, when you first start, like, I have to stop him crying. This is so bad. You know, It's hard for you as a new mom to deal with your child being upset because maybe you don't trust they're going to be okay. And then as they get older. you have to say no to things because you don't want them to eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and you learn that they actually recover from disappointment and hearing no, and having limits that like, Oh, maybe I could do this in the rest of my life too. And that people may be upset, but they will be okay. if you're, relationship is so sensitive that you think setting a limit will harm it, you definitely have to look at that relationship again.

Kayla Nettleton:

Oh, absolutely. And that's when it comes to the limits and the boundaries, like the boundaries are in terms of like what it is you're needing and the limits is what it is you're willing to accept from other people. Yeah.

Zoe Rapoport:

Right. Yeah, it's also, I think, really important to note that your limits and boundaries can change over time. And that's okay. Like you said, with seasons, right? So in the past, I probably could have hung out with my family anytime, anywhere, whatever. And lately I was finding myself being kind of really annoyed when they would come over Because I realized Sunday is just the worst freaking day for me. And I'm recovering from a long week and the weekend where my son's not in school or didn't have daycare or whatever it is. I'm just like focused on how to get the house back together. What food do I need for lunch every week? You know, things like that. And I realized that, you know what, Sunday is not the best day. So if we do hang out on Sunday, I need to keep it to two hours. But it wasn't until I, also took a self reflection look of why am I so irritated and agitated, you know, but those are cues for you that you might be hitting a limit. You don't realize, you know, it's a really good thing to reflect on. And that's why some of the journals have like, how am I feeling? What was my experience? What worked? What didn't work? You know, those are things to help you learn. Innate self-reflection. I mean like, oh, okay, I was rude and I was cranky, and I was tired, and I was stressed, and I wonder why. And so that's about being clear with yourself too and communicating clearly with yourself, which journaling can help with a lot, I

think. Yes,

Zoe Rapoport:

but more like absolutely less free flow. I, I like the guided journaling a little bit more. Otherwise I'm like, what did I do today? I, you know, I like thoughtful prompts To direct me in my. reflection, I guess.

Kayla Nettleton:

I definitely have in the past been more towards the prompt journaling, but recently I've been more in a stage of Free flowing journaling, but that took some time to get used to because I used to be that person who would like have all these journals and then never wrote in them because I was like, Oh, well it, this, I don't know, like, I don't really have anything great to write about or I don't have anything good to say, right? These journals are for you. It doesn't have to be perfect. So I had to let go of having sound a certain way and just be able to free flow. And that, that took some time.

Zoe Rapoport:

Yeah. practice. Yeah.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yeah. I mean, sometimes I can write a whole page. Sometimes it's just a few sentences. Sometimes I start with, okay, what was my dream last night? If I could remember it, then I'll start from there. And that helps. But I find that when it is that someone is struggling with the free flow journaling, it's because they're getting stuck in what exactly it is that's going to be written down versus not having Anything to write about

Zoe Rapoport:

that's yeah, that's a really interesting point. Yeah, my younger self my 15 and 20 year old self with my angsty poetry stories who never had a shortage and my adult self was like And I can think of is what I need to buy for groceries And I think the direction helps me get out of my own head actually So I think that's part of it too. And it definitely if I did it enough to integrate it and internalize it maybe free flow would help but it's like, Meditation too, right? Like I like a guided maybe even like body meditation because that helps me ground it and makes helps me push out the other thoughts that are just constantly my never ending to do with two businesses and a kid and a home and a family, you know, so some of that I think helps in terms of just relaxing my brain to focus on one thing

Kayla Nettleton:

at

Zoe Rapoport:

a time. But yeah,

Kayla Nettleton:

And you created a journal, right? Talk a little bit about that.

Zoe Rapoport:

Yes. Okay. This is a new Kind of passion project I created and it's an empowerment journal.

So

Zoe Rapoport:

it's 30 days of prompts for more empowered thinking and living. And again, I created it, but also because in a lot of my work I give my clients prompts to journal on and it helps them. Release a block, right? Sometimes those prompts help you release a block more quickly than if you had to find it yourself, right? So i've tried to do some of the most common ones I see a lot of it is about Celebrating your wins is an empowering process because we tend to only look at what went wrong for us that day, that year, whatever. So focusing on wins, focusing a prompt on like what you're grateful for, a prompt on when you did something you were proud of, when you stood up for yourself, and then some prompts on what would you want to do differently next time. And then some affirmations in there, about Something along the lines of your voice deserves to be heard. You deserve to have a voice. You have value for no other reason than you exist. things that we tend to wonder. Does it matter if we say anything? Yes, it does.

It matters

Zoe Rapoport:

if you say something. So it kind of has that flow of guiding you to certain ways of self reflection. That's all journaling. It's self reflection, it's guidance, it's what you want to do. So yeah, I put together things that have really worked for clients, I think, to help through blocks. And I'm pretty excited about it. it's a free download, so I'm not, not gatekeeping or anything like that. I'm just excited. No, I love that. Share it. Yeah.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yeah. And then also in terms of like what you were saying about the blocks, a lot of the times it doesn't take a whole big thing to overcome blocks. Sometimes it's just Bringing it into awareness that this is a block for us that helps us to move through that block.

Zoe Rapoport:

Especially if you're the kind of person who would even download a journal, you're ready to be guided, right? You're ready to do the work. So I think that's a big part of it too. Like this isn't going to work for someone who's, focused on staying in the resistance. It's going to work for someone who's ready to come at it from the inside out, right? And then take action forward as well. Right. And that's why this would go well with the empowerment calendar of 30 days of empowered living, where you could take a small action each day towards more empowered living, whether it's a day to reflect and realign a day to say no more a day to speak up about something you want. It doesn't have to be something you don't want. We don't even tell people what we want, right? It's not always about saying no. What do you want? You know I don't know how many women, you know, that don't tell their partners what they have to pick for their birthday and want them to guess and then get disappointed when they don't.

Right.

Zoe Rapoport:

Yeah. Mind reading. Yeah. I call it my recipe for disappointment. So what do you want to tell someone? That you want today, or even complimenting someone is actually an act of empowerment because you're speaking up, you know, Oh, you like that person's dress. Oh, I love your dress. It looks great on you. End of empowerment action for today, right? Sometimes it's about just expressing yourself verbally and openly. So that goes well with the journal if you're ready to both reflect and then take action. I think it's a little combo. I hadn't thought of that until now, actually, why I created that literally at the same time.

Kayla Nettleton:

Well, as you were saying that, I was like, oh, do these go together? Can they be done separately? But it sounds like it would almost improve the other's, Experience of doing what?

Zoe Rapoport:

Yeah, because I just created it and haven't really talked about it until now. I didn't see that somewhere inside. It made sense that they go together. Reflection, action, right? Reflection and action. Each day you can reflect and then take a little action.

that's a

Zoe Rapoport:

great. So yeah, see, sometimes we know things inside and don't realize it until it's all visualized in front of

Kayla Nettleton:

Yes. about the calendar, what comes to mind is like a challenge, right? This empowerment challenge to. Empower yourself.

Zoe Rapoport:

Yes, exactly. When I say empower living too, a real big part of it is just living more authentically, right? Authentic communication, authentic relationships, authentic work life balance. It's like being authentic to yourself because I really think most of us want to be more empowered inside.

Kayla Nettleton:

Oh, yeah.

Zoe Rapoport:

And that it doesn't have to be a bad thing. So if you can even change the word empower to authentic, it's the same exact process. You can label it whatever you want. Yes. It's about discovering what you truly want, how you want to communicate it. What are your limits, boundaries and also desires like all of that is in balance together for a balanced life. You know, as moms, we really often just put away what we want I think for the first year. My son really liked fruit. I don't think I ate a single fruit because I wanted to save it in case he felt Oh my god, you know what I mean? And it's like that's not even My innate nature and it still happens and it still takes of like, oh i'm i'm i'm anemic and I'm not like actually, cause I take vitamins, but like, Oh wow. I always have a thousand apples and I don't eat them because he eats four apples a day.

Kayla Nettleton:

Oh my goodness. Yeah.

Zoe Rapoport:

So I think that's important to recognize even if you're so used to being empowered, there's different seasons and changes in your life that can make you forget.

Kayla Nettleton:

And I think this is so important too, because. Oftentimes we're not aware how much we've kind of changed or not just changed. But we're so far removed from the person we were before motherhood that might not even recognize herself, but even just like listening to this podcast can even spark things for you. Like, Oh, I used to love doing this. Why don't I do that anymore? I need to make more space for that. And how can I do that? And when you're talking about the calendar and the journal, it really, I think ties back into that, if you could do this, then you'll really be able to curate that balance that you want. even more authentically for yourself because this will a learning process like learning more about yourself and your needs and your wants.

Zoe Rapoport:

And that's, I mean, that part of that is the idea behind 30 day challenges because everyone says on this podcast and that book, you know, it takes 30 days for 33 days or something to establish a habit.

And

Zoe Rapoport:

that's why doing something small, five minutes a day, is more likely to establish a habit than doing something once a week, twice a week, or for 40 minutes twice a week, right? A habit is created by consistency and repetition. So that's part of it, even if you only write one sentence a day. That's a starting point and it will usually flow to more, right? the initiation is always the hardest part. Once you start doing something, you're usually able to keep going and then you might even have motivation to do something else you were avoiding, right? It's like, what's the opposite of inertia, right? An object in motion stays in motion. Oh, yes. Yes.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yeah it's funny because I was just thinking that as you were talking in terms of it takes the most energy to start something than it does to continue it.

Zoe Rapoport:

Exactly. Right. So start as small as you need to, and then you'll be able to keep going. Same with communication. The more you set a boundary, even a small boundary, the better you'll be able to expand that boundary. So that's something I'd love to share how it's easier to add a habit onto an existing habit. All right, like if wanting coffee and scroll on your phone, can you put in two minutes of journaling into that already existing routine as opposed to trying to start a whole new routine? So adding it on might be more helpful, right? Yeah, just as a way if you're really ready to start something. And again, if you're listening to podcasts, downloading journals, you're ready to start something. So make it as easy as possible for you.

Kayla Nettleton:

Yes. absolutely. Well, I know that there was one more thing that you want to talk about in terms of the new, Group that you're starting in November.

Zoe Rapoport:

Yes. Yeah. Thank you for bringing that up. Yeah, I'm pretty excited about it. I've been doing one to one coaching for a while, and I've done a couple like four week workshops, but I really am excited to launch them. It's either a three or six month empowerment group.

Okay.

Zoe Rapoport:

So working on all things, assertiveness, all things, empowerment, all things, communication, and it's relevant to anyone, whether they're trying to. Improve their possibility of getting a promotion at work or a higher raise or setting boundaries at home It really is all related and it's all the same skill set Learning in one area will help you in another and learning from someone who's working in one area will help you in another So it's an opportunity. It'll be a combo of course plus weekly group coaching I love group coaching. I'm in a coaching group myself and I love it because you are indirectly coached all the time by everyone else sharing their feelings or thoughts The mindset work that goes into it. It's a lot of mindset work. Learning how someone says Something better. Honestly, you're probably thinking the exact same thing. So I love the group aspect of it. And I feel like I can help more people at a lower price point and save all of us some time and energy and trying to figure this out on our own.

Kayla Nettleton:

Oh, yeah. I'm huge, huge believer in the power of community and learning in community because you're getting more examples out of the experience.

Zoe Rapoport:

And honestly, you have built in cheerleaders. validating you, right? You're not alone in this. You're never alone in what you think. There's always someone who thinks the same thing, but you're not alone. You could be reminded over and over that you deserve these limits. Your happiness is just as important as someone else's happiness. Your comfort and safety is as important as someone else's feelings. So it's really such a supportive environment. And I've learned so much from my groups that I am just really excited to offer this now.

Kayla Nettleton:

Awesome. Well, thank you for sharing. And if anyone's listening here, what is the best way to get in contact with you or to get into your world?

Zoe Rapoport:

I'm usually on Facebook. That's probably the best way right now. But my website also has, you can email me, but I have a free Facebook group right now called women who rise leadership and mindset strategy. And that's where I check in the most and that's where I put all my trainings come there first. All my collaborations will come there first. And yeah, that's a totally free group. Just answer a few questions. About, you know, why you're here and you're in

Kayla Nettleton:

awesome. And then I will definitely link that up in the show notes. Thank you so much. So we, for giving us your time and hanging out with us today.

Zoe Rapoport:

Thank you so much for having me. It was great.