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The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Is it really possible to find balance as a mom? Each week, I'll be bringing you inspiring chats, interviews, and dialogues all based around helping moms like you unlock their potential and lead the balanced life they want. If you enjoy listening to topics that help you lead a more balanced life, then you've come to the right place. I'm obsessed with helping moms lead the life they want without the guilt.
With the right information and support, you can find balance in motherhood without sacrificing your needs.
The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Episode 51: Rethinking Alcohol and Connection: A Mom’s Perspective on Sobriety With Special Guest Annalyse Lucero, LMFT
Ever felt the pressure to balance motherhood, personal identity, and societal expectations all at once? In this heartfelt episode, Kayla sits down with Annalyse Lucero, a licensed marriage and family therapist, to unravel the complexities of being a modern mom. From people-pleasing tendencies to navigating the challenges of alcohol-free living, Annalyse shares her personal journey and professional insights on reclaiming identity and fostering healthier relationships.
Together, they explore what it means to find balance—not through doing more but by being present and grounded. Annalyse introduces powerful strategies for moms to schedule intentional rest days, prioritize self-care, and build emotional resilience. They also delve into the societal pressures around alcohol consumption, its impact on family dynamics, and how to embrace an alcohol-free lifestyle without fear of judgment.
Discover how cultivating personal power, vulnerability, and healthy communication can transform not only your relationship with yourself but also with your children and partner. Whether you’re a mom seeking to redefine balance, navigate sobriety, or simply find more joy in the chaos of parenting, this episode is packed with relatable stories and actionable takeaways. Tune in to uncover how you can thrive as a mom while staying true to yourself.
Helpful Links
Website: https://annalyseluceromft.com/
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About the Podcast Host
Kayla Nettleton is a licensed therapist based in TX, business owner, mom of 3 kids and coach for therapists who want support and guidance in their journey in creating an aligned business model so that they can live the freedom based life they've always dreamed of without sacrificing their own needs.
In her private practice as a therapist Kayla specialize in helping women overcome anxiety, perfectionism and people pleasing tendencies so that they can lead a more fulfilled and authentically aligned life
Find Kayla on IG
@kaylanettleton_lcsw
@themodernmomsroadmaptobalance
Email: kayla@kaylanettleton.com
TX Residents can Schedule a Free 20 minute therapy consultation here.
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Welcome back everyone to the Modern Moms Roadmap of Balance podcast. My name is Kayla Nettleton, your host, and today my guest is Annalise Lucero. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist who works with couples that have codependency dynamics. She also works with individuals that struggle with people-pleasing tendencies. Annalise also provides mindfulness and support for clients looking for an alcohol-free life. She is also a mom of three kids and knows about the stress of balancing or trying to balance, personal needs, relationship needs and family needs. Welcome, annalise.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to be here.
Speaker 1:I'm so excited for our conversation. I know we kind of already started a little bit pre-record and we're like let's just hit the record button, let's get into it. We just talk about it without recording. But before we get into that with the question, I ask everybody what is your definition of a balanced life?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love this question and I think it's important that we take time to kind of come to our own definition. So I think that's so wonderful. You ask all your guests that for me, balance is really about being grounded, Like if I think about a scale and like how we balance on a scale, right, the scale itself is grounded and then we kind of assess by being present. And that's why mindfulness is so important to me, because it's the tool I use to help myself stay present. And so, as life changes life moves fast, especially with kids our needs are gonna change and we have to be present in order to know okay, how do I balance on this scale? Because some mornings I wake up and I'm like, oh, I just need a cup of coffee.
Speaker 2:Other mornings I wake up and I'm like I need three shots of espresso. But like you don't have to be present in the moment, I have to be present with myself and kind of have that sense of groundedness in order to be able to balance that scale and know what I need in the moment.
Speaker 1:No, absolutely. I really like that You're saying being like knowing, being aware and recognizing what that balance is for you and how do you want it to be?
Speaker 2:I love that you're using the word being and how to be rather than doing, and I think that is often what moms struggle with the most. I mean, in my mom journey, I've experienced that so much is I feel like in order to find balance, I have to be doing, doing, doing, and it's more so about the being being in the moment, being with myself, being present, being with my kids right, rather than doing things for my kids, being with my kids. So, yeah, I love the difference between being and doing.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah. Well, what I've been finding out in my own journey in motherhood is, when people are talking about balance, for moms it's usually like balance these things so that you can then do more stuff and balance more stuff. It's not necessarily like, okay, find balance so that you feel good in your body and you feel good as a mom or a woman with your family. It's balance the stuff so that you can do more stuff, and so that's kind of where I'm thinking. It's more about the being. No one is teaching us how to just be. Everyone is trying to tell us how to keep doing.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's so true. Oh, that's so, so true. Oh, and it's even like it's. It's bringing things up for me as I'm thinking about just even the day I'm going to have today, like, okay, I've got to make sure I get all these things right so that I can do all these other things that I need to be doing.
Speaker 2:One thing that we did in my family, probably sometime in the last year, was we started scheduling in our schedule time to rest, because I have three kids. They're eight, 10 and 13, all boys, all very active. We do travel soccer, so lots of weekends we're gone traveling and my husband and I said you know, we need to schedule weekends or days in the week where we do nothing and the boys and us have the freedom to say today's not a day to clean, it's not a day to organize, it's not a day to show up for anybody else. Everybody gets to just do whatever they want, and that has been so special for our family. I think it's really helped us even just to know we have that day to hold on to like, oh yeah, but I can rest, I've got that day coming yeah, oh, that's so nice.
Speaker 1:So does it work that if your boys don't want that rest day, they still get to choose if they really wanted to go to a friend's house?
Speaker 2:Or is that a?
Speaker 1:mandatory rest day. Okay, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's sort of like teaching them to be aware of, like what they need and helping them to ask those questions of what do I need today? I need more social time. I mean, all three of my kids are really social extroverts, which for me is challenging because I'm like, oh, I don't really want to social extroverts which for me is challenging because I'm like, oh, I don't really want to display dates as a childer. It's better because you know we can do hangouts and just drop them off, or if we're open and willing.
Speaker 1:My husband and I have pretty firm boundaries on like, no Saturdays or Sundays, but Friday nights, yeah, we're the place to hang out you know, so it's like kind of just figuring out what works for your family and doing that, no, but I love that you brought this up, because we do that, but not thoughtfully. Usually Sundays are kind of a rest day, but we'll use the language after Saturday has been crazy and not. It's not like an intentional thing, but my son, who's's nine, he's well, I have two sons, my oldest son. He's starting to catch on and so he started using the language too and he started asking like, hey, mom, is it okay? Today's just a rest day. And so I started noticing that and just hearing you, I'm like I want to be more thoughtful about it.
Speaker 2:You're highlighting the importance of language and I feel like, as therapists, we know that because you know we are so mindful and aware of the words we choose to use with clients. But it's amazing to see the transformation in people's lives when they start having language to use to not just get what they need or want, but also to express their experience, and it's so beautiful that you're teaching your kids the language to be able to express what they need and what they're experiencing.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and it's so fun to do. It's not. It didn't come naturally Like, yes, I'm a therapist and I work with clients and I help them figure this out, but in my personal life it's not as easy. That also helps me understand my client's perspective in their own struggle with doing this.
Speaker 2:One of my favorite like therapy things to use, like when I self-disclose. I love saying it because it just gives me a little bit of a smile. But I'm like, I'm a therapist, I went to school, I trained, I've done hours, I see clients every day and it's hard for me. So, like, give yourself a break, don't expect perfection, because even with all the skills and the tools and the support, doing these things is so hard. So, yeah, I just I love saying that to clients because it's like let's just be humans together.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I love that you self-disclose too. I know there's many therapists who kind of have that fear, I mean for good reason. A lot of our schools kind of put that fear in us to not self-disclose, but there's so much power in our clients seeing us as humans and not as these. All knowing people, because we don't know everything. All knowing people because we don't know everything. We've studied things that work best right, best practices but it's different for everybody and best practices don't work for everybody.
Speaker 2:I mean, I totally agree with you and I think in my experience, especially working with people who want to be alcohol free, there's some sense of like. If we can normalize like that, this the experience of what it's like to especially be a woman who's going to stop drinking, that can be really helpful and empowering. And not necessarily just in the addiction area, because I did work in addiction and having peer support workers was essential to the work. Having people who've been through recovery is essential. But on the other spectrum of people who are sober, curious or just figuring out for themselves like I don't want to engage in alcohol it's helpful to have somebody who's been there and gone through that and who can say, yeah, I know what that's like and this is what I tried. What do you think? Because it kind of normalizes how difficult that experience of stopping alcohol is.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and I love how you tied that in for me. Thank you so much. This was what we were talking about. If this was, that was kind of an inside joke, but we had. Before we hit the record button, we started talking about how we are both trying to live this alcohol freefree life. I have been alcohol-free for nine months. I had not asked Elise how long she'd been alcohol-free, but she had talked about how her husband was alcohol-free for five years. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I remember my last drink of alcohol was August of last year and kind of like you shared about it being a journey of discovery like this is the outcome I want for myself. It had been many, many years for me of asking those questions, of the regret, the shame, the guilt of you know drinking, binge drinking, and the next morning saying why did I do that? And it really ties in for me into that people pleasing aspect that I feel like. For me, people pleasing is the way that I tried to connect and sometimes I still fall into that, trying to connect through pleasing others. And alcohol and people pleasing was like in a really dysfunctional relationship in my life. I mean they were like mom and father and and so to get away from drinking alcohol I had to understand my people pleasing tendencies and they had to be kind of looked at together.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I had a similar experience in after I had done my own work in overcoming like my people pleasing tendencies, acknowledging them because they're always there, right, it's just our awareness and choosing not to people please and choosing what we want to do, what we want the outcome to be After doing that work is when I really questioned my relationship with alcohol and then recognizing I never questioned my relationship with alcohol or in terms of I never really had the choice to drink or not to drink. This was so ingrained in my culture and part of my life and family life for as long as I can remember. I had found alcohol.
Speaker 1:Recently, like a few months ago, my mom brought me this like trunk and it had trunk. It's not this giant thing, it's like more of a box but it looks like an old style trunk but it's small and it had like old stuff from when I was a kid, like projects and just little mementos from when I traveled or whatever I did, and one of the things was a little book that I created of my life and I think it was in seventh grade. My husband pointed out he goes look, every adult picture, every picture of an adult that you have is holding a drink like a beer or a glass of wine or a margarita, and I was like, oh my gosh, I did not even that, didn't even phase me because that was normal, that's normal for me when I was growing up. And so back to what I was saying is, I never really chose. I kind of fell into the drinking culture.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I think what can feel very harsh and strong language is to say that you were groomed, and I think that a lot of parents don't want to hear that. But when you drink alcohol in front of your kids, when you take shots, when you have friends over, when you're drinking at the bar or the restaurant or the football game, you are grooming your children into this culture of consuming alcohol. And one thing that I remember reading in quit like a woman, great book, quit like a woman highly recommend for everybody, is that nobody is meant to be able to tolerate alcohol. No body, no human body is meant to be able to tolerate the poisons and toxins in alcohol, is meant to be able to tolerate the poisons and toxins in alcohol.
Speaker 2:And so when we think about, like, okay, this awareness of, oh, if I'm drinking in front of my child, I'm normalizing this behavior and it can have these sort of really long lasting negative impacts on their life, and this is the one thing I always think about, because I have a teenager now, if I drink alcohol and I normalize alcohol, I cannot be surprised, I shouldn't be surprised if my teenager starts drinking alcohol. And not to say that if, because I don't, they won't. But it's to say that if I'm a part of this normalizing it, I'm a part of the grooming behavior of saying, hey, this is what we do. You know, oh, go to college, it's expected for you to get wasted and pass out. No, it's actually, it's not. And I think the more that we as parents have become aware of that, the less that kids are drinking, because statistically, teens and young adults are drinking less and less which is great I think.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's awesome and it's interesting because kids I don't know how aware people are of this, but kids are very intuitive, they're very self-aware and they're usually kind of pushed. Like, all of that intuition is kind of taught out of them or pushed away from them by their parents, us, right, unintentionally, sometimes intentionally, but they're so self-aware, they're so intuitive, they're very aware of everything around them. My son made a comment after I was not drinking anymore and he was like oh, that's awesome, mommy, you're not drinking anymore. And so every time I was drinking something in a social setting, he was like are you drinking, mommy? Or what do you have? It's like nope, it's like a seltzer, or it's water, or it's a alcohol-free beer or something you know, because I like the taste of beer and so I still get to enjoy that, but I don't need the alcohol to enjoy the beer.
Speaker 1:But back to my point my son noticed my relationship with alcohol that I hadn't quite said out loud would come to terms with for myself. And he was he's nine now, but he was six, seven, eight when he was making these realizations for himself.
Speaker 2:I just love kids. I feel like the best of us and I think you're absolutely right. They're so intuitive, they're so perceptive because they're watching and they're learning and they're those little sponges and soaking everything up and making sense of the world around them and when we are doing things that impact them, that are in front of them, that they get to witness, it creates the structure of how they kind of make sense of that world. And so you know, it's so beautiful that your child could ask you those questions and talk to you about that and be received, and I wish that for every family to have kids who are curious, have space to ask questions, because I was a curious kid and I didn't have that space and so it took me a long time to figure out the world around me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I allowed him to ask that question. I didn't shut it down because there could have been a lot of shame around that. Yeah, but I had done my own work I was confident. But then when I made this decision because this was the kind of perfectionist in me I was very confident in my decision, like, okay, I don't need to drink alcohol, I don't want to drink alcohol, this was not something that I want for myself. And when I decided to like I'm not going to drink alcohol anymore, that's it. I, the perfectionist in me, was like, well, let's just tell people we're doing dry January, let's just tell people we're trying it for the quarter and then. So finally I'm like, no, I'm doing this forever?
Speaker 1:And that fear of was like also came from. Well, what if I like, quote, unquote, mess up? Or what if I, you know, decide that this isn't working for me, up? Or what if I, you know, decide that this isn't working for me, or this is not what I want?
Speaker 2:but it was that perfectionist piece. Yes, and I think too that that ties so much into our culture and how ingrained alcohol really is. Because I had the same experience. I had some friends over for Cinco de Mayo and I made alcohol-free margaritas and I was like, oh, we're like the unfun people. And I'm like, why did I say that? Like we're fun just because we're not drinking alcohol?
Speaker 2:And I really was like I got to be more conscious of how I'm presenting myself, because that's not really how I feel about myself, but I think because there's so much of alcohol ingrained in our culture and like so what is the thing that people say all the time? Alcohol is the only drug. You have to explain why you're not using it. Because when you say you're sober, when you say, oh, no, I'm not drinking, or when you even just say, oh, I'll have a water, people are like well, why aren't you having the margarita? We're at a Mexican restaurant, why aren't you drinking? It's like hold up, you know. So there's so much context and nuance around even just saying no, thank you to alcohol. So it does make it hard to explore like how do I want to show up and even my own soberness around people?
Speaker 1:And these are excellent examples of why it can be so helpful to work with a therapist as you're navigating your relationship with alcohol or navigating how you want to live out your alcohol free life and have those conversations.
Speaker 2:I have this amazing client, and one of the things that we're working on along with the people pleasing and getting away from alcohol is the grief of how friendships change when you stop drinking, because suddenly you're reflecting to others something that they don't necessarily want to deal with themselves. So when you say no to alcohol, it brings up well, do I have to? Can I not drink around you? And it changes your friendships and that's just a part of it. I mean, not every friendship will change like that, but it is a part of it, and so I think that there's a lot of grief and having the support of a therapist through that grieving process is, I think, essential and I will always say everybody needs therapy.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, yes, and you made that point of when you choose not to drink alcohol. It's not that you're pushing this on people around you although there are some people who will do that. I don't recommend that but your own choice to not drink alcohol confronts other people about their own relationship with alcohol, which would be uncomfortable for them, and I had recently heard Mel Robbins made that exact point about how her husband had chosen he wasn't going to drink alcohol anymore. But there was one day at dinner she wanted to drink a glass of wine, but she didn't want to drink alone. And she was asking her husband like don't you want a glass of wine? Like it's okay If you can have a glass of wine. And he was like no, and he goes. If you feel so weird about this I'm butchering what exactly said, but it was something along the lines of if you feel so weird about this, maybe you need to sit down with your own relationship with alcohol and think about that.
Speaker 1:And she was like, yeah, whoa. That was very confronting for myself, but that wasn't his intention. But I already felt confronted about my own relationship with alcohol. I just didn't want to acknowledge it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's hard to do, I mean, it's challenging. Again, it's not just, oh, I'm going to stop drinking, it's oh, when I stop drinking, all of these things will happen and change. And I think that, from my experience and just knowing and understanding family dynamics, I think that from my experience and just knowing and understanding family dynamics that pull to get back into the dysfunction, to or struggling with misuse, back into that behavior, because it's what they know and they're familiar with, and if they're not the helper or the enablist, then who are they? And so it's just so textured. These experiences and that's something that I think has become more normalized in, at least in my circles of culture around, like mental health and therapists is we're starting to give people language to talk about being sober, but also how to engage with people who are not drinking right. We're normalizing that it's not okay to ask people why they're not drinking. Everyone has reasons and it's not just because of addiction.
Speaker 2:And so we don't need to assume someone's addicted and therefore they're not drinking. Everyone has reasons and it's not just because of addiction, and so we don't need to assume someone's addicted and therefore they're not drinking. But yeah, I think the more that we do talk about it, the better it will be for people to start having a look at that relationship for themselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh yeah, and being able to choose the language that you want to use. So I won't say that I'm sober, that's my own stuff, right, like I don't want people to think I have a problem Not that there's anything wrong with that, but that's, that's not my story. So I do intentionally use alcohol-free.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like alcohol-free as well. I interchange, though I'm like. Oh just whatever you know, whatever words going on, I'll use it. I do prefer alcohol free as well, Cause I feel like that does reflect most accurately my life.
Speaker 1:I'm alcohol free, yeah, yeah, and sober does not naturally like come out of my mouth. Or I would just like, oh no, I don't drink. I don't drink alcohol, or I'm alcohol free, even alcohol free. Now I'm thinking about it. That sounds funny to me. But so I just say, like, I don't drink alcohol and I've been lucky in terms that, like, no one has tried to pressure me.
Speaker 1:But that just might be my personality, where the people in my life know that when I make a decision, I'm sticking with it and there's no changing my mind, and the people that I'm close to know that. So no one. And I really, I really only hang out with people I'm close to. So maybe that's why I haven't had this pressure. Like, no one's been like, oh, come on, just one. But I know that's a real thing. That's what I was afraid of. That's part of the reason why I was saying, oh, like, just, I'm just trying to try January, or I'm just trying this for you know a quarter, see how long it can go. No, this is, this is my life. Now I don't drink alcohol.
Speaker 2:I'm curious, because this is something I've been thinking about Like when your kids get old enough to experiment or explore alcohol, how do you think you're going to navigate that Cause? That's something that I've been thinking about, just as I reflect on my kids getting older, because it's happening so fast. Oh yeah, I'm like how will I deal with that part of all?
Speaker 1:of that. It makes me think about my own experience with drinking alcohol in the beginning, when you drink alcohol in the beginning. Drinking alcohol in the beginning. When you drink alcohol in the beginning, did you? Like it, no-transcript, or like taste um, I was probably 13 or 14 when I had my, I think yeah, yeah, I was 11, okay, and I remember.
Speaker 2:This is a problem. My family always tells me you remember everything and it's like I'm not one of those people that has like a photographic memory, but I do have vivid memories. Yeah, and I was at a friend's house and we mixed vodka with orange juice and it was almost like we acted out what it was like to drink because we had been modeled, you know. I mean, I grew up around alcohol all the time and I just remember like dancing around the bedpost and we were home alone at 11 which is so wild to me now to think about but like a full cabinet of alcohol. We mixed vodka and orange juice and we were playing, play, we were playing and we were drinking alcohol, which is wild, and I don't think we like had so much where I got sick or anything. It was just like we just wanted to play, pretend, and I think that was how my experience with alcohol was.
Speaker 2:For the rest of my time. Drinking was all of. It was about pretending and playing and putting on and it was just almost like a prop in my life, like, oh, this is. I remember it was when I lived in New York. It was the same with cigarettes, like it was a prop it. Oh, I'm just acting out this person. I'm cool, I'm fun, I've got the vibe going, and I think that was how alcohol was modeled. For me was just, it's like a part of the scenery, it's a part of the set, and I grew up in theater, so I think that's part of my own narrative too. But yeah, I think that was my first experience with alcohol was play and pretend.
Speaker 1:Have you thought about how?
Speaker 2:you're going to have the conversation with your kids. I I tend to come off really judgmental, so I'm like struggling Cause I'm like I got kids. My oldest is 13. I mean, we definitely talk about drinking and alcohol and vaping and all that stuff, and my father-in-law is in AA and so when he visits he's like I got to go to my meeting, so it's a normalized conversation in our family. It's not something taboo, of course, but when they want to try it, when they're offered it and they have their first experience, I really want to come from a place of curiosity, because that's how I've approached other things in parenting. But I'm afraid I'm scared that I'm going to be judgmental and push them away. So that's probably my own stuff coming up I got to deal with but yeah, I have a lot of fear around how I'm going to be.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, for me it's more of I'm going to be honest with them that this is a choice that they get to make, but then this is when they're adults choice that they get to make, but then this is when they're adults, they'll get to make this choice. But because my husband still drinks alcohol, that's the other thing too. But giving them the knowledge about what alcohol really is like, yes, it can make you feel like things are great, but it can also make you feel horrible. And a lot of people drink so that they don't feel bad or they don't feel anxious, and having those conversations so that they can eventually, in that moment they're not going to like be able to make those choices because they're kids, but as they get older and have these questions, being able to have these questions, I didn't get to have this questions, I didn't get to question, I just just, I just wanted a drink because I saw everyone doing it and then I couldn't do it and then finally, when I could, it was like I went wild around it Sometimes.
Speaker 1:There was this one time I was in college. I know I kind of went around in circles, but there was this one time in college I it was Christmas break I came home I got so drunk at a party I couldn't tell my dad where I was. Yeah, like I couldn't tell him the address, I told him I'm in. So there's this, this neighborhood called San Felipe, and so we say San. I was like I'm in Sanford, somewhere on this side, and he knew enough because my dad was in law enforcement and so he very much knew the area of Del Rio like back of his hand. So I was able to give him enough information that he knew where I was and I had previously talked to him about where I was going and where I was going to be. So that was helpful too.
Speaker 1:But if I hadn't already done that, they maybe would not have found where I was and I would have had to stay the night wherever I was because I didn't drive to that party. I went with a friend. Luckily I didn't drive to that party because I probably would have tried to drive home. So that was in college and so that's where I'm saying like I didn't, I never got to question. This was just a part of life. I was, was excited for it. I didn't get in trouble after that. Like I don't have a memory of getting in trouble. It was more of not that you need to get in trouble, but it was just like you need to be careful.
Speaker 2:But it was kind of like easily waved off yes, I have many memories of that for myself, but more memories witnessing my siblings.
Speaker 2:Kind of like this oh, you're just learning how to tolerate alcohol. This is a part of the process Like you have to go through this kind of initiation in college or being, you know, young, and then you mature and learn how to handle your liquor. It's like, oh God, the gauntlet of like. Torturing your own body. Just to what. Continue torturing your own body, just to what. Continued torturing your own body. Yeah, yeah, I think it is such a normal part of like. Oh, we all went through that, we all. We all learned how to handle ourselves.
Speaker 2:It's just a part of life.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah. And for me in college, drinking alcohol was definitely about fitting in, like I felt like I had to drink alcohol in order to fit in with this crowd, in order to make friends have a boyfriend or whatever. I had to drink alcohol and there was no like if answer buts about yeah and so it. So that's why I say it's been this like long journey, probably like 10 years, of me slowly starting to question, because there was these two girls in my sorority that I was close to and they didn't drink alcohol and I was like huh.
Speaker 1:That's interesting, but I didn't think about it enough. But I remember thinking that like huh, and they're still cool they still have friends and they have boyfriends, like why, why is it so attached?
Speaker 1:Why do I need to drink alcohol? But it didn't really go any further than that, other than like I noticed, and so that's why I say it's kind of been like a 10 year journey for me. Yeah, my decision to my own recognition like, oh, I don't need this, I am confident in who I am. Yes, it's sometimes uncomfortable to go to social settings and not have that drink that I used to have to like calm down, but I feel more myself. I actually feel like I can engage with people a lot better because it's me fully showing up as myself. But that is not easy and it can be scary.
Speaker 2:I think what was so interesting to me in learning about alcohol addiction, substance misuse, was that two-thirds of people who identify as having a problem they get sober or they stop using on their own. I'm completely on their own and I'm like that's a really high number, two-thirds of people.
Speaker 2:And it's because I think in my experience people develop personal power and so when parents ask me how do I keep my child from using or getting addicted or turning to alcohol to cope? If you want your child to be healthy and avoid those kind of risky behaviors, you need to help them develop a sense of personal power, which means that they believe they have influence over their own life. And you do that by some of the examples you've given in your own family, by making space for kids to ask questions, to have a voice, by allowing children to choose and also you showing curiosity in what their decisions are and many other ways. But I think that that's kind of the biggest thing, and many adult women I know who have made the choice to not drink or to be sober alcohol free. It is because they have had this sense of personal power that's developed.
Speaker 2:They're coming off of a divorce or an affair, or maybe they changed jobs or they've gone back to school, but something in their life even especially having kids that stage after their toddlers, or they've gone back to school, but something in their life even especially having kids that stage after their toddlers when they go back to school suddenly you're faced with this question of, well, what do I want to do with my life now? And that moment becomes a huge moment of personal power. And when you can nurture that, whether it's in your social group or with your therapist or your partner. I feel like that's often when I see most of my clients turning away from alcohol and finding other ways of really showing who they are and experiencing kind of to tie it back into what we talked about in the beginning the balance, right, because alcohol takes you away from that groundedness and from being present. And so you know, in the search for the balance and the search for feeling present, alcohol can't really be invited into that in my opinion.
Speaker 1:No, I love that, and I love that you say alcohol can't be invited, because we're choosing to invite alcohol or not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Well, annalise, thank you so much for joining us today. I've absolutely loved this conversation that we have and I know it's going to be a really good episode. But if people are wanting I I know because I follow you on Instagram, but I know you have this beautiful retreat that you created that is for couples that they can do on their own I would love for you to talk a little bit about that really quick. And then also, if people are wanting to work with you or wanting to get into your circle, how do they find you?
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, thank you so much because I worked so hard on this retreat and I love it so much. So I created the ultimate staycation retreat guide. Because I'm a mom of three my husband's in the military we are away from our support system I mean, we really don't have a support system so I know that it's not easy to spend thousands of dollars to go to a retreat site and spend five days away from your kids. So I created this retreat guide that can be used for couples anywhere, at any time. You can do it at home, you can stay locally at a hotel and leave the kids with a family member or whatever works for your family. And that's really what it is. But it's three days of guided exercises, journal activities. I recorded some videos of mindfulness to help introduce you to that if you're new to that, and I love it. So you can find information on that at my Instagram, which is aluceroMFT, and that's where all my information is.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I'm licensed in New Mexico and Florida, so if you want that individual kind of therapy work there, you can find information about that on my Instagram as well. But I also have a free guide for people pleasers, because I don't like to keep information, and so if you're looking for something that's just quick and accessible, right now.
Speaker 1:That's on my Instagram as well and I think we'll have that linked up in the show notes. Right, and Annalise also does these really cool tips.
Speaker 2:There we go.
Speaker 1:Sips and I wanted to say sips and chats and I was like that's not right. And tips, there we go, sips and tips I wanted to say sips and chats and I was like that's not right, where she's giving them like a quick tip and she's also making a fun alcohol-free beverage. So if you need some ideas, definitely go to her page, because she makes some yummy things and she even showcases some alcohol-free beverages that I had no idea were alcohol-free, like, one of my favorite beers was mango cart and I love that. Now I know they make an alcohol-free version. Favorite beers was mango cart and.
Speaker 2:I love that. Now I know they make an alcohol free version and it's so good. Oh, my God Cause I also, too, love the taste of beer and my favorite beer I like Mexican beers and Corona has an alcohol free. Corona tastes exactly the same and my husband and I both love drinking that in the summers by the pool, like it's just so much fun to enjoy the things that feel like tradition.
Speaker 1:But out the unhealthy part yes, yes, we didn't talk about that, but that is so important because, as a hispanic family myself, I enjoyed dos equis and they also have an alcohol-free version, the salt and lime. So I really loved that one and I did recently try the corona. But yes, it tastes. They taste exactly the same. Yeah it.
Speaker 2:It's so amazing. I love it. Well, thank you again for having me. I'm really grateful to be here and to share my story and my information with your audience.
Speaker 1:So thanks for having me. Yes, absolutely, and I hope you have a great rest of your week. Yeah, you too.