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The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Is it really possible to find balance as a mom? Each week, I'll be bringing you inspiring chats, interviews, and dialogues all based around helping moms like you unlock their potential and lead the balanced life they want. If you enjoy listening to topics that help you lead a more balanced life, then you've come to the right place. I'm obsessed with helping moms lead the life they want without the guilt.
With the right information and support, you can find balance in motherhood without sacrificing your needs.
The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Episode 49: The Secret to Quality Time with Your Kids: Simple and Effective Tips with Special Guest Rachel Newman
Are you tired of trying to juggle the roles of mom, partner, and professional while feeling like you’re losing yourself in the process? In this heartfelt episode of the Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance podcast, Kayla Nettleton sits down with Rachel Newman, bestselling author, speaker, and mom coach, to talk about redefining what balance really means. Rachel, who wrote the must-read book Mom Me, shares her vision of balance as harmony—where each family member’s unique contributions come together to create a more joyful and supportive dynamic.
Rachel dives into the power of intentional quality time and why even 10 minutes of undivided attention can make a world of difference for your kids. Say goodbye to guilt and discover how focusing on connection can strengthen trust and make your parenting journey more rewarding. Packed with practical tips and relatable stories, this conversation is a must-listen for moms who want to build deeper connections with their families without burning out.
Rachel also opens up about her own life transitions, from teaching to homeschooling, and how she managed these changes while still pursuing her passions and prioritizing self-care. She emphasizes the value of building a supportive mom community to lean on, because no one should have to do this alone. Tune in to learn how to navigate motherhood with more grace, stay true to yourself, and find joy in the chaos.
Want more from Rachel? Connect with her on Instagram @therachelnewman or visit therachelnewman.com for resources, inspiration, and support.
Helpful Links:
Webite: therachelnewman.com
Social Media Handles
@the.rachel.newman (on IG, FB, and YT)
@thejoyfulmomme (on pinterest)
About the Podcast Host
Kayla Nettleton is a licensed therapist based in TX, business owner, mom of 3 kids and coach for therapists who want support and guidance in their journey in creating an aligned business model so that they can live the freedom based life they've always dreamed of without sacrificing their own needs.
In her private practice as a therapist Kayla specialize in helping women overcome anxiety, perfectionism and people pleasing tendencies so that they can lead a more fulfilled and authentically aligned life
Find Kayla on IG
@kaylanettleton_lcsw
@themodernmomsroadmaptobalance
Email: kayla@kaylanettleton.com
TX Residents can Schedule a Free 20 minute therapy consultation here.
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Hello, hello everybody, and welcome back to the Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance podcast. I am your host, kayla Middleton, and today my guest is Rachel Newman. She is a bestselling author, speaker and mom coach. She is a mom to three children ages five and under, including twins. Rachel develops systems to maximize her time, reorient her mindset intentionally, connect with her husband and prioritize herself in the chaos of raising young children. She shares these strategies in her best-selling book Mom Me and supports other overwhelmed moms so they, too, can find joy in motherhood. Thank you for joining us, rachel, and as I was reading your bio, all I could think of was like hell, yeah, thank you for doing this, because this is definitely something many, many moms struggle with in terms of how do I balance all of the things and also like have my own identity, have time for myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you so much for having me. And I agree completely. That's the entire premise behind the book was like I didn't feel that we had a roadmap of sorts there for us to show us how to not just be a mom and not just be the professional worker you, not just be the wife you, but how to really figure out who you are again now that you have all of these additional roles. And I thought you know what. No one wrote the book, so I guess I'll write the book.
Speaker 1:Yes, and thank you for writing that book. And just to be what, is it Transparent? I have not read the book, but everything that I have read about the book sounds amazing. I'm like why haven't I read it? I'm going to add it to my read list. I've been needing a new book to read anyways.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, thank you for the support, and it is a very quick read. I will say that the intention here was like an hour and a half or less, even at the slowest reading pace. I do because we don't have time to sit down and consume lengthy books. So it was supposed to be short, sweet. Have you nodding along the entire time, being like yes, yes, and then have some practical application. So it's not just you know, a book that you're like, yeah, that's great, and never do anything with.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I mean there's plenty of those books out there, right?
Speaker 2:Where they're so long.
Speaker 1:It's like how, as a mom, with all of these things I'm struggling with, am I supposed to have the time to read this book, when I first need to learn how to make time to read this book? Right, I need the strategies first, so that I can incorporate it to have the time. Yeah, so before we continue on our conversation and I apologize because I didn't give a heads up and I normally give people a heads up, but this is the question I ask everyone on the show what is your definition of a balanced life?
Speaker 2:Okay, I don't love the term balanced because to me I'm envisioning and I was a teacher for many years, so I envisioned this like mathematic scales here of like, how many things can you add in this pile to make this one equal? And I don't really feel like, with everything going on in my life right now, that a 50, 50 equal is ever an option. So I like to think of it as more as like a harmony. How can we? You know, when you get singers together, you've got somebody who's leading for a certain part of a song and someone's in the back, and then you know they come forward, they're all at the same time and managing everything. So I try to think of it more like how can I do all of the things where I feel like I'm doing them in a way that feels good to me, right, it's success is what we define it.
Speaker 2:So how am I showing up as a mom, as taking care of myself, in my business with my spouse? How am I doing all of those things where I feel like each of my buckets make me feel good and I feel like I'm showing up for the other people? So for us that really looks like making sure I'm taking care of myself every day, making sure I'm very intentional not with the 100% of my day, because that's not real, but I have intentional time every day where I'm focusing with my kids. I don't have my phone out. I have intentional conversations with my husband. Every day, same thing. The technology is away and really then, of course, just kind of playing by ear with everything else going on, but making sure those foundations are there. So I'm taking care of myself and I am taking care of our relationships.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love the visual that you brought in, too, in terms of like the choir, because it's right when, when you're, when there is harmony, it's all of these different pieces or people in the choir who make the harmony happen. It's just not one person. You can't have harmony with just one person. It's just going to be a single tone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I feel like, yeah, and I feel like, especially when we're talking about, you know, marriage and having children, you have all of the multiple voices going on here and sometimes you're going to have one child or one person that needs more of the multiple voices going on here, and sometimes you're going to have one child or one person that needs more of the attention at that given time, right.
Speaker 2:So, especially when we're looking at like my husband and myself, like his job is a lot more demanding right now than mine is where he is needing to travel more for work, so we're letting him take that and we are in partnership. So partnerships, partnerships again, act like a team. Sometimes you're gonna have somebody who is like leading and really on that day and they're the person that is showing up and putting forth the most effort, while somebody over here is still supporting but maybe isn't scoring 40 points in a game. Okay. So kind of like playing that balance of who is. You know how are you working together on the exact same team and giving what you can at that point in time?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, absolutely, and so one of the reasons that I invited you on the show and we got connected was I had seen on your website that you had this dates for the family guide, which includes family and individual dates with the kids.
Speaker 1:And when I saw that I was like, oh my gosh, this is so amazing Because at the time, I was really struggling with how do I spend more quality time with my kids, because, for one, I also work and so sometimes at the end of the day I'm a little bit tired, and then the weekend comes and you're like, oh well, we have so much time in the weekend but then it never happens because stuff pops up or we have other things, that parties and all of the things and I was sitting with. Okay, I want to have relationships with my children, so that means spending some quality time with them, but then also thinking I have to figure this all out and that also takes time. So when I saw your guide, I was like this is an awesome thing that you have available. Can you talk more about it and what's in there?
Speaker 2:Well, thank you so much for saying that you found it to be valuable, because that was something that I struggled with a lot too. So we have children that are very close in age, two of them being a minute apart.
Speaker 2:We do have four-year-old boy-girl twins, and then my oldest is 18 months older than them, so she's five and a half, and for a very long time about a year and a half, I would say with the twins, it was just constantly me and all three of them trying to balance everybody's needs at the exact same time and I didn't really feel like anybody got quality time. So that's one of the things that I wanted to change and we started doing this by simply having dates. And this is a loose term here because it doesn't mean what you think of probably, when you think of traditional days where you have to go out and you have to have the dinner and the expensive activity to go with it. Date really simply means intentional time together, whether that's at home, just simply reading a story together or, you know, going and doing something outside the home. So just kind of to clarify that it's not making you have to spend money and just that quality time.
Speaker 2:So we started implementing that to really kind of show my oldest that she is again still a very much wanted, needed, loved child, because she felt left out, because the other two were a unit, even though now we're dealing with the.
Speaker 2:You're a unit but you're individuals, so we also need to make sure we have those dates for them. So the guide really shows the dates that we have found to be both inexpensive. There are some ones that if you wanted to put a little bit more effort or planning into like going to a concert or you know a musical or something that those are included in there too as ideas. But most of the ones we do are really just 30 minutes a week. We try to get each kid solo and give them a little bit of our time with whatever interest they're into right now and sometimes, like the other kids, are just playing in the other room. So it gives you some ideas on how to do that, how to do it inexpensively or, if you want to be more extravagant with it, just kind of gives you ideas in all of the areas.
Speaker 1:One of the things that I really enjoy doing is my son likes to kind of my oldest is nine. He likes to scroll through YouTube shorts, and so him and us like being able to scroll together and him show me what he's interested in. That's easy, quick, like one-on-one time that we get to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and YouTube shorts are great too, because then it can give you an idea of, okay, he's really into this particular thing. How can I take that and maybe make it an activity? Or, even further, if that person has something else going on, the person who he's watching YouTube short of you can make it and say, hey, I found this and there's another intentional bit of time you can have together.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean my son. He's like really into music, like he wants to play the piano. I haven't, I haven't put him in the lessons yet he wants to play the piano, he wants to sing. So a lot of the YouTubes that he's YouTube shorts that he's watching are like kids, other people singing and playing the piano, and so not only am I getting his interest, but I'm also now like getting to know his taste in music.
Speaker 2:That's really fun. And then, of course, you can play music that interests him in the car, and that's a special way to connect too.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, the being the radio DJ is, he loves that, but sometimes they do have to be like okay, no, we're just listening to the radio, because he's in the stage where he'll play the same songs over and, over and over again, and so it's like the same four songs right now and I'm like, okay, I'm done with those songs for right now I have the same problem, but it's with stories.
Speaker 2:We bought the kids Yodos for Christmas and if you're not familiar, it's these, think of them like little audible boxes for kids, so there's no screens or anything like that, it's just where they can listen to stories. And mine are all very much obsessed with the brain bots and they are little robots that travel around and they gather facts about different things and they are on all kinds of different topics, like the human body, the weather. I think they're listening to one right now about different kinds of dinosaurs, whatever it may be, and they want to listen to that in the car all the time. Oh, my goodness, and it's great. But you're also like, can I get something different, please?
Speaker 1:yeah, I know, yeah, I totally get that. What are some of your favorite dates that you do with your kids? What on one time? Okay, you're right, yeah, so it does bring up that image of like we're going and doing something and we're spending money yes, yeah, and sometimes we do, and sometimes we don't at all, or we also like to, okay.
Speaker 2:So here's a good one. If we have to do a mundane task like going to the grocery store, I try to find a way to just take one kid with me, if possible, and then, at the end of that or before that, pack on something fun that they would like to do. So right now it's too hot to play outside. It's like 108 today. Yeah, we're both in Texas. Yeah, miserably hot it is, but when it's a little bit cooler, we can maybe go to the park before we do that, so you just get one-on-one time with mom at the park before we do that.
Speaker 2:My girl twin right now, my youngest actually she is obsessed with cake pops at Starbucks, so, like, so obsessed with Starbucks cake pops. So what I will do sometimes is she will be my grocery store helper. There's a Starbucks right across the street from our HEB, and we will just pop in for a cake pop afterwards. And my favorite part of this, though, is that, yeah, we're spending $3 on a cake pop, but she's thinking. Part of this, though, is that yeah, we're spending $3 on a cake pop, but she's thinking about her brother and sister, knowing that at home they're going to want a cake pop too. So she's like hey mom, can we get Bubba and Sissy a cake pop too? And I'm like all right, we're bringing home cake pops too.
Speaker 2:So I like that in her own moment and my son does this as well that they're thinking about each other and saying, okay, well, this is like my time, but I also want to make sure that they know they're loved and cared for too that's so sweet, so I mean that's also like teaching them to care for each other too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then they'll go back and forth and do it. My son's the one who actually started that and it was very funny, because he is not the kid that likes cake pops at all. He'll eat them, but they're not his favorite thing. So he's just like mama, let's go get cake pop, bring cake pops to sissies.
Speaker 1:And I was like, oh, we'll get a cake pop, yeah, and I mean even just taking the time to spend time with them is showing them you care about them and building that connection of okay, now I can connect with someone else like them, learning to do that themselves.
Speaker 2:Yes, and another area that we do this cause. So that was an example of like we're leaving the house, we're spending a little bit of money but we're trying to make a chore more enjoyable and they will truly fight over who gets to go to the grocery store with us and that's highly entertaining. But in the home we also like to just take one of the kids and do something with them while the other two are doing something elsewhere in the house. Maybe if, like my husband's traveling, it'll just be me giving an extra couple of minutes to my oldest during quiet time, or pulling somebody out of quiet time a couple of minutes early to just read a story. Or right now we're super into building Legos, so we are building Legos and just doing little things that interest them with just them, so they have our full attention for that 10 to 20 minutes. You know, when we can't really build anything else in the day, that's just a way to give quote unquote here a date to that child and give them that little bit of attention.
Speaker 1:Yeah, quote, unquote here a date to that child and give them that little bit of attention. Yeah, and also, like for those who are listening, it doesn't have to be this long extended period of time, it can be as little as 15, you know 10, 15 minutes that you're spending. But even just knowing that you're giving your child that much time in the whole week, that that's going to alleviate some of this guilt that you may be carrying and sure you might still have some but that is that will get better and alleviate more as you incorporate more of this one-on-one quality time with your kids.
Speaker 2:I found it to be true. So I've heard the saying multiple times that the kids don't need a hundred percent of you there all of the time with like 10% of your focus, right? So if you're there but you're only focused on them 10% of the time, it's actually better for you to be there 10% of the time, a hundred percent focused on them. So if you're even giving them, like you said, that 10 to 15 minutes of a hundred percent of your focus during the day, that builds more connection than them. Just like my kids are home with me all day long, every day, but we have so many other tasks to do, that focus time is my way to make sure that they know hey, mom is here. You can talk to mom. This is when I am available. My phone is away. No one else gets my attention but you. I mean, you know, barring emergencies, this is your time.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah and and yeah and. For this not to feel natural is okay, because you might not have been raised in a household where this quality time was spent on you, whether that's because your parents weren't around or that you just, like, naturally, want to do because it's it's you know you're an adult trying to be a kid, that that's going to feel different. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I think it also is just, in general, good for us to remember that this is not another should do task. We're not shooting all over ourselves here. This is not meant to be another thing that you're supposed to do. It's a way for you to see there's ways to build connection in intentionally, through all the busyness that we all have going on all the time.
Speaker 2:And we really started seeing the disconnect where our toddler at the time, netta, was two when we really started figuring this out. She would have more outbursts, she would be more angry, she'd be more clingy, wanting more attention. And when you see your kids start giving you the signs that they're needing your attention, this is a simple, although can be challenging, way to make sure that you you have that time with them and you're getting them back into you know their normal emotional state that we usually expect them to be in. And it's just an easy way to have the toolbox there for you saying like, hey, I'm gonna take 10 minutes and do something with this one, cause I see that she's needing more mom attention and just kind of, you know, go ahead and take care of that. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And simple never really means easy, it just means like it's simple to understand. You get it. Okay. Now it's. The harder part is like how do I fit this into my life? How do I start making this routine part of something that I do? That's kind of like the harder part, but it does get easier the more that you incorporate it in there. And that's not to say that this is a magic fix, that you know spending, you know a week giving your child a little bit more one-on-one time is going to fix all their behavioral problems. No, but it's there to help build that trust, because when something happens, they're going to know like if I go to mom or dad, they're going to be there and support me. Through this, they're going to give me the attention that I need whenever something goes wrong or whenever I need help.
Speaker 2:And part of what the guide does too, is show you the blueprint for how you can implement this, and especially if you've got a lot of children, that's a lot of time to go around. We rotate, we, yeah, and we rotate. It's not every single day Everybody is getting 30 minutes a day because, again, our schedules don't always allow for that but we do try to go through the order of kid one is getting some attention, then kid two, then three, and then we go back to one, two, three and we make sure we're keeping it fair and down the line, and it's actually really fun to see the kids be like no, it is Otto's turn.
Speaker 1:Otto gets to go do that and they of course with time they've started to recognize like no's Otto's turn.
Speaker 2:And then they're all like, yay, Otto gets to go on the date and you know they celebrate it for each other. So it's just a way to again make it more fun to have that one-on-one time with them oh, that's awesome.
Speaker 1:How cute, like I can just like picture. I don't know what your kids look like, but I'm imagining small children like being happy for their siblings yeah, and sometimes crying and for those who are like but aren't they gonna know like that you're, you know switching they're? They're not like. Sure they know, like Rachel just said, they recognize it, but they're not thinking like, oh, they don't want to spend time with me and they're just doing this to do it Like. The kids are not thinking in that way.
Speaker 2:No, and if they are, you can also take that chance to explain to where. So sometimes again, because my oldest is not part of the twin set, she has her wonderful own individual and sometimes we have to remind her of that. Like, yes, otto and Issa are twins and they are twins, but they're also individuals and they want to do things by themselves sometimes too. So it's important for us to get alone time with each of you so you have that chance to do whatever it is that you want to do with mom and dad and it was just kind of explaining it that way on the kid level, where they can understand that this is something that they need, just like you need, and making sure you know you're going to get a turn to do that and letting them be involved in the planning process.
Speaker 2:So we also ask, like, hey, you have a date coming up with mom or dad, who do you want to go with? What would you like to do? And they get to kind of help with that. So my oldest likes to pick tea parties and one thing she's really excited about right now is a tea party. So she wants to do a princess tea party. We're going to do it right here in the kitchen, we're going to make tea. We're going to dress up like princesses, and that is the date that she has planned for us.
Speaker 1:How cute, yeah, and I like that you're bringing up this planning too, because I know for my like overthinkers you know that are listening it's they can feel bad about having to schedule this time. And what's also kind of coming up for me too is like when I've worked with because I also work with couples, so when I've worked with them, I will sometimes have people get frustrated that, like their partner has to put this on the calendar. And there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean that they love them less. It doesn't mean that you love your children less because you cannot think of them in the moment to do this. It's just we're busy.
Speaker 1:And there's nothing wrong with reminders to help us or to be able to like plan for these things. There's nothing wrong with that. And, if anything, if someone does ask like why do you have to have this on the calendar, it's you can be intentional about it. Like I want to make sure that I get to give you the time that you deserve with me, like everybody else. We all get equal time and this time is for you and I don't want to forget that.
Speaker 2:I agree, and I would even flip it on its head, like I. I hear that a lot with couples as well as moms that I'm working with Well why am?
Speaker 2:I the one that's responsible for planning this. Why am I doing this? We have weekly planning meetings, my husband and I this is a side tangent, but I think it would be helpful to this conversation where we have our weekly planning meetings, where my husband and I sit down on a Friday night after the kids go to bed, we plan out what we want the weekend to look like. So, again, nobody's expectations are we're going to do this thing and his expectations and mine don't match. So nobody gets what they want and we talk about okay, what are we doing on our date night? Our date nights are Wednesday night, whether we go out or stay at home. More often than not it's staying at home. It's our intentional time for us. And then we plan loosely again, allowing flexibility here, but saying, hey, it's Annetta's turn for a date. We kind of not had a date with her in a little while.
Speaker 2:What day do you think would be a good day to put this in? And I don't think scheduling in dates means that you don't care. I think it actually is the opposite. It means that you do care because you want to make sure you're doing this, because you care about that person. You care about that person. You care about that relationship and it is being intentional and ensuring that's not going to be something that slips through the crack, and connection is one of our family values, so it makes sense that that is at the forefront of what we're talking about when we're planning our family meetings.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and I'm really glad you brought this up, because, yes, this is a podcast dedicated for moms, but that does in no way mean that mom has to be in charge of all of this. You really should be bringing your partner in and planning this. This is not something that you need to take on on your own.
Speaker 2:I think it's unreasonable to ask you to do that to take it all on on your own? And also, what is that teaching our kids if we're doing that all by ourselves? So that's the thing I like to bring back and especially, especially if we're talking about dates here, if I'm the one always planning all of the dates, they're learning that mom cares.
Speaker 2:They're learning that you know, you're going to have mom there in your corner at all times. You also have dad there. Dad may not be as skilled sometimes as thinking the creative side of things, but just from our standpoint here I'm more creative. He is more of the like do and teach, but he is the person that can go and execute. He can teach you things differently. He will show up and do that. And if we want them to see that a partnership has both of those characteristics in it everybody loves and takes care of each other then we need to model that and that's a conversation that you can have with your spouse about it in terms of your relationship with each other and with your children.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, absolutely, and I really enjoyed this conversation. But I do want to kind of go off a little bit, because you had mentioned before we get the record button, that y'all are going through this pretty big transition and you had offered to you know, talk about how you are trying. You are also taking care of yourself while also going through this really big transition we are in the process of to give a little backstory here.
Speaker 2:We're moving again. So my husband and I don't love staying in one spot for more than two years apparently. So we are leaving our. We currently live in Lubbock. I left my full-time job so we are able to, at some point in the near future, move back to Houston for my husband's job. But we're kind of in that I like to call it like this stasis right now, where our home hasn't sold yet, so we can't exactly move yet, and so we're in that weird transition period and because of that, so I'm staying home with the kids and we've decided to homeschool them again. So a little backstory to give a little bit of clarity here. So I was a teacher for about 10 years before we had our twins in 2020. So then I stayed home with them for two and a half years. I came back and taught for a little while and now we're transitioning again, at least temporarily, while we're trying to figure out this whole transition.
Speaker 1:Moving time period okay, that's, yeah, that's a lot. And then from going to I'm assuming here, like you were, you were a stay-at-home mom, homeschooling, and then you went back to work and maybe had a little bit of breather, to now going back into staying at home and homeschooling, how?
Speaker 2:has that been?
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm assuming that that is rough. I don don't know. I haven't done that, but please correct me if I'm wrong.
Speaker 2:I think everything is a matter of perspective and just knowing that this is my second transition to it.
Speaker 2:What I learned from the first time I've been able to take with me this time and also because the force the first time was more of a forced situation financially and with the twins' health just due to that time that COVID times, great times that was a really rough transition and this time I think it's been a little it's grant, it's challenging. I think it is a little bit easier for me to wrap my brain around it and to also know what I need to do for myself, because I have experience doing it and I'm not the same person I was in 2020 when I had to figure everything out for the first time. So I think that makes a big difference too where I am. Well, I have done the work to take care of me. I know exactly what I need to do. I can recognize those moments where I'm like all right time to take a break and take care of me. So I think that really helps with the transition is just knowing what my boundaries are and holding them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and how? How do you do that, like, how are you recognizing, like, okay, I need to take a break now because it's just I've maybe spent too much or I've been giving too much, especially as not just a stay at home mom, but also the mom who is homeschooling? Because I think when moms make this decision, it's really all about the kids and how this is great for the kids, but then we forget to think about, like, how this is going to affect us as moms and our lack of time about, like how this is going to affect us as moms and our lack of time.
Speaker 2:This is actually one thing that I wrote a blog about recently is what things you need to be considering if you are going to be homeschool, and one of those is exactly exactly that question. Do you want to be doing this and really laying out why and what the impact is going to be for you, not just financially? Because if you ask me two different times, like yes, I did not want to be a stay-at-home mom the first time that I was a stay-at-home mom, because that was not my goal. Like I was a teacher, I very much love teaching. That's where my passion is and I would have been like heck. No, it's not happening. And then, of course, you know life circumstances and this time, when we're reevaluating it, I don't think my end goal is to stay home with them forever, but we are looking at what does it actually do for our family? It's allowing us the flexibility we want to come back out to Lubbock for football and the as as in Texas.
Speaker 1:You know the truth doesn't really allow for that.
Speaker 2:My husband travels a lot for work, so it gives us a little bit more flexibility to do this and because I do have a pretty solid support system here, when I need to do something for my own job, then I am able to have somebody come in help with the kids and we just orchestrate our schedule. So I am still having time to do what I need to do and that kind of just playing that puzzle piece. And how do you get everything to fit together?
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, yeah, and I feel like it's easy to consider like the positives of homeschooling, but it's not always obvious to consider like what does that mean for you as mom who's going to be the homeschooling teacher, or like the person homeschooling?
Speaker 2:right, yes, and what it means, at least for and some of the drawbacks here I would say is, yeah, if you're not accustomed to planning, you're going to have to figure out how to plan, because it's not just open the book and here you go. Every child has the different, especially if you're teaching different levels and or even two at the same level who are not the same person and learn entirely differently. You have to figure some of those things out. And then you're also managing the home. While you're doing that, because you're home, you're doing whatever it is that you need to be doing for you.
Speaker 2:And the drawback is, again, time. Everyone will say this, but yes, you have a finite amount of that, and it's really figuring out what are your priorities and more so to are your actions in alignment with those priorities. Because, yes, you can say you don't have a lot of time, but if you're spending three hours on your phone every day, guilty sometimes, then that's not really a use of your time and you're a good use of your time, rather. So that's a drawback is you just kind of find yourself in the same spiral loops if you don't have the strategies and the skills and the systems in place to ensure that you are taking care of yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I know this is not exactly what you said right in this moment, but a minute ago you were. You had talked about, like, the financial benefits of homeschooling, but that's, that's not always a benefit, and this is something that I've heard, you know, my own clients say in terms of, well it's, it's not worth it for me to go back to work if I'm just paying for daycare. But it can be worth it If you're finding joy in your work and you really love it and it's getting you out and you're getting that social interaction that you need. That is absolutely worth the cost of just, you know, making enough money to cover daycare costs.
Speaker 2:I'm so glad you brought that back up, because that's actually why I stopped being a stay-at-home mom the second time or the first time, because I never, I never, wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I needed something for me, and a lot of my identity which, again, is something that we as moms all face is that we have a lot of our identity tied to what we do as a profession and then that changes for good or worse when you become a mom and especially if your circumstances change. Like we made the decision that I needed to stay home when the twins were born. One because there was a high possibility that they could be preemies. It turns out they weren't, yay. But so we made that decision.
Speaker 2:As a teacher, you are often susceptible to sicknesses and during that timeframe I have three kids under the age of two. That was not something we were willing to risk and I would be paying more than my salary and childcare for three children. So at that time that was the best decision for us. But another thing that we did my husband and I had the conversation that we're going to constantly reevaluate this. We're going to reevaluate the circumstances if there is an opportunity where it makes sense for you to go back. You go back and we will do it, and in December of 2022.
Speaker 2:So, about two years in, we had the. We had the opportunity and we jumped on it because that was what I needed, because I wanted to be doing something that made me feel fulfilled Not that parenting is not fulfilling, but when you go from something that you feel like is your calling, my calling is to be teaching, and at the time, two-year-olds are not really as able to converse and show you that they are understanding things as they are, say, now, when they're four and five. I needed that, so that was the change that I needed and in the last two and a half three years, I've had the opportunity to grow and change. I wrote a book, I started the coaching program, have given me more purpose outside of just my role as a mom and outside of my standard profession, that I'm happy to be going back home because, again, I'm not that same person.
Speaker 2:I have that different you know outlook on things now and again, if the circumstances change, we're going to reevaluate again, because life is always going to be changing. We need to know that it's not just set in stone Like, yes, I am going to be a stay at home, homeschool mom and I can never be anything else. It's not real and I encourage you to just know that it's okay to say. This may serve me right now and no, six months from now. It could be something different.
Speaker 1:Yes, no, I love that you brought that up because I think that is what people think that okay, I made this decision, so this is it, we don't get to change. But that's why it's important to have these conversations and to actually set that standard of, okay, we're going to reevaluate this because even if you like thought that that's what you wanted and then figured out like, oh no, that this is not for me, you should be able to make the choice change, Cause that was my case. I mean, I didn't, I didn't choose to be at home with my son, but when I first had him I'm glad I did when I first had him, I had just graduated my master's. We moved back to our hometown.
Speaker 1:There really wasn't a lot of job opportunities and I was home for like six to nine months with him and, oh my goodness, I was climbing the walls. That's how like I was, like this is not for me, I am not. And granted, like sure he was under a year, you know, nine months, it was like postpartum stuff, but still it made me realize like I am not, I'm not the mom to stay at home with my kids because I just love what I do so much and like it. I just knew that wasn't for me and it's okay to make that decision. But part of me like felt so guilty, like why can I? Why am I not enjoying this?
Speaker 1:and then for one also this was before Netflix had a lot of really good stuff on it now so, yeah, my, my oldest is nine soflix was still like b and c movies and not what it is now with all the binging and all of that stuff. So I feel like that that's weighed my decision. No, I'm just kidding, but yeah. So I'm definitely not the stay-at-home mom and homeschool them, even though the idea is nice. But anyways, what I was trying to make is you can change your mind sometimes. What your expectation is is doesn't actually come to fruition in reality, and it's okay.
Speaker 2:Definitely it is. It's okay and that's one of the things that we need to be teaching our kids, too. Right Is that things are going to change life. The one constant in life has changed, and being able to adapt to that and flow is like why would you expect yourself, like at 22 or whatever we're assuming to be a mature, adult woman? Age here, that's it. That's who you are forever. I feel like I am definitely not the same person now in my mid-30s that I was 10 years ago and like, thank goodness, because that woman will not be able to do what I'm doing today. There's no problem with changing. There's no guilt, shame, anything for whatever you choose to do what I'm doing today. So there's no like there's no problem with changing, there's no guilt, shame, anything for whatever you choose to do that's best for your family, because what your kids need more than anything is a happy and healthy mom and whatever you need to do to make that happen is what's best for your family.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely, and I know we're running out of time here, but I would love for you to talk a little bit about your book. And I do have a question, because I was reading some of the bonuses I guess I don't know what else to call them like bonuses of the book which included a guide for, like, creating your own mom group. So my question is does your book incorporate, you know, having your own like group of moms?
Speaker 2:Yes, so the book is. Yes, lots of questions there. We'll address them, but so the book really is. I call it a guide, but it's kind of like a journey of how I got to being what I call a mom me. So I am a mom, but I am also me.
Speaker 2:I am a woman in my own right and not just a mom bot right, and part of that is having your mom group, your mom community, and I did not initially have that when I had the twins and when I was working a full-time job. I had a lot of really close friends who this is, of course, before the twins I had a lot of close friends who had kids the same age, so we had the ability to hang out and do all of that. I had a lot of close friends who had kids the same age, so we had the ability to hang out and do all of that. And I felt like that was lacking in 2020 and onward because my friend groups changed. Everything changed, so we had to create our own kinds of groups. Whether that, for me, one of them was virtually like my now closest twin mom friend is a lady who's on the other side of Houston was not in the same mom group, anything. I found her online.
Speaker 2:Her twins were born at the same hospital as mine, two days after mine, all of these things that I wouldn't have known, we wouldn't have known without technology and creating our own group. So, yes, it does go through how to create a physical group, how to find your core group of mom friends, and you know, sometimes you have to look in places that you maybe wouldn't think. You have to try some of them out, cause I tried probably like six groups before I found the one that I thought was a good fit for not just me but also my children. So it goes through how to create one, how to vet one and many, many other things. But just to touch on that, yeah, it definitely tells you how to create your own tribe.
Speaker 1:That's awesome, and the reason I asked that specific question is because I am a huge believer in the impact that community has on us. Like we are not us as human beings we're not meant to do things solo. But for for so many different reasons, we've kind of moved away from like relying on each other and what you know know what is appropriate enough to rely on something you know. Like to rely on someone for, like one of my really like one of my best friends. She helps me with picking up my kids sometimes if I can't or my mom can't pick them up, and so it was the first time I asked I felt awkward, like oh, is this something that I can ask? Like is this too much? But you never know, you ask and we should trust that someone would say like, oh, no, I can't do that today or no, that's not something I can do because I'm too busy. But we we've we've come into this like just assuming what everyone may say and that's hurting us.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I am an Enneagram one. So if you know anything about those, those are the people who, basically, it's it's a pride point where we have to do everything ourselves. And if, if I am that person that's asking for help, it means like I desperately need help. And it it became a thing with the twins where, when they were still little, I had to learn to ask for help. It's not something that was natural and surrounding yourself with women who, and being that woman who was willing to go out of your way to help another mom Like earlier today we were at a play place and mom dropped some things on the floor Like no, let me bend down and pick that up and give it to you, because you're carrying all of the things and just being that mom that really throws you're doing a good job around like confetti, and being that mom that you want somebody to be for you and leading by example is a great way to just start that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. And was there anything else specific about your book that you really wanted to touch on before we have to say goodbye? I?
Speaker 2:mean obviously I encourage you to go check it out if you want to learn how to really prioritize yourself. And I don't just mean the like traditional self care go take a bubble bath but what it means to actually take care of yourself whole body wellness and, of course, learn some of my favorite tips and tricks on how to make motherhood more enjoyable through the chaos. There's a lot of really good practical tips in there, some funny stories and it's definitely just a fun, feel good read too.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Yes, thank you. And then if someone is listening, they're like I really want to get into Rachel's world. I might want to hire her as my coach. I want to work with her. What is the best way to get in your world? Get in contact with you work with her.
Speaker 2:What is the best way to get in your world, get in contact with you? My favorite place to hang out is over on Instagram. It's at therachelnewman.
Speaker 1:The website is therachelnewmancom and I cannot wait to connect with all of you. Awesome, well, thank you so much, rachel, for taking the time to be here with us today.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Kayla, for having me. It's been so much fun.