The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast

Episode 29: Easing Financial Anxiety

• Kayla Nettleton

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Money woes got you tossing and turning at night? Join me, Kayla Nettleton, and the insightful Nicole from Arise Financial Coaching, as we unravel the often ignored tie between financial stress and our overall health. It's not just about numbers and budgets; it's a delicate dance of nurturing our relationship with money and managing the anxiety that can often shadow it. We'll tackle the discomfort many feel when broaching the topic of finances, even in therapeutic settings, and how breaking this silence can lead to a more fulfilling life. From personal anecdotes to professional strategies, we're here to guide you through transforming your financial outlook from one of scarcity to one of abundance.

Prepare to explore the vital mind-body connection as we discuss how to ease the physical symptoms of financial stress. Despite a well-crafted financial plan, those knots in your stomach might still persist – but fear not! We've got techniques like deep breathing and havening to help your nervous system switch from panic to peace. Plus, I'll share gems from my journey with Kate Northrup's Relaxed Money coaching program, which was a game-changer in how I view and attract wealth. Whether you flinch at the thought of checking your bank balance or simply want to enhance your financial confidence, this episode is packed with insights to help you signal safety to your body, making room for wiser financial choices.

Helpful Links:

Save Your Seat for Wide Receiver Today:
In Kate’s FREE 3 day workshop, she’ll be walking you through some pretty transformative exercises and frameworks in real time! Exercises like:

  • The Cycle of Relaxed Money Manifestation
  • The Relaxed Money Activation Process 
  • The 13-Pillar Relaxed Money Blueprint  

 https://go.katenorthrup.com/t?orid=367799&opid=157


About the Podcast Host
Kayla Nettleton is a licensed therapist based in TX, business owner, mom of 3 kids and coach for therapists who want support and guidance in their journey in creating an aligned business model so that they can live the freedom based life they've always dreamed of without sacrificing their own needs.

In her private practice as a therapist Kayla specialize in helping women overcome anxiety, perfectionism and people pleasing tendencies so that they can lead a more fulfilled and authentically aligned life


Find Kayla on IG
@kaylanettleton_lcsw
@themodernmomsroadmaptobalance

Email: kayla@kaylanettleton.com

TX Residents can Schedule a Free 20 minute therapy consultation here.

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Speaker 1:

Hello, hello everyone, welcome back to the Modern Moms Rope-Nap to Balance podcast. I'm your host, kayla Nettleton, and today I'm gonna do things a little bit different, because I am repurposing an episode from an interview that I had done with a good friend of mine, nicole, and Nicole is the founder of Arise Financial Planning or Arise Financial Coaching. I am so sorry I'm probably butchering this name, but she interviewed me discussing on the topic of financial anxiety and how I help my clients work through their own financial anxiety, and so I really enjoyed doing this episode. I thought it had so many great points and I thought that this would be a great segue, because I want to talk about an experience that I had in a coaching program, but I wanted to start off with this first.

Speaker 1:

The other thing I wanted to point out is, if this is the first time you're listening to an episode of the podcast, warning that this audio, because it's a recording of a recording, it's going to be weird. So if I just don't want you to think like this is this audio of all my other recordings, so if it's not like sitting well with your ears, like, feel free to move on to another episode, I promise the audio is going to be so much better. I hope you enjoy this episode. Here we go.

Speaker 2:

Hello, hello everyone we go. Hello, hello everyone. Welcome to our live stream. We are streaming for the first time on Facebook. We are so excited we're going to wait a few seconds for people to pop on here. But I have Kayla with me, licensed therapist, where we are going to be talking about one of the biggest topics that people struggle to talk about in therapy money. We're also going to be going live on Facebook or, sorry, on Instagram. I'm going to hit live there so you might see us kind of popping back and forth between the two options.

Speaker 2:

But for those of you on Instagram, hello, we are talking about how to lower your financial anxiety with a licensed mental health therapist and a good friend of mine, kayla Nettleton. So I'm going to add you here to the live on Instagram and then we're going to get this conversation going. Or we are going to be talking about how to lower your financial stress using some of the tactics you use with clients. Here we go View requests. I am adding you, so we should both be here going live together. Kayla, do you want to say hi to some of the people popping on?

Speaker 1:

Yes, hey everyone. I'm so excited to be here, okay.

Speaker 2:

Can you hear me now? Yes, okay, perfect. So I have an idea. Let's start with the Facebook and then we'll come back to Instagram. Sounds good. That way, it's like an easy way to just broadcast the conversation and then restart it again. Perfect, perfect, okay, kayla, let's get going.

Speaker 1:

Let's talk about you. Let's talk about what makes you want to talk about financial anxiety as well. I'm sure you see it with your clients. Tell us a little bit about you and your history, with one of the reasons why I am so like, I guess, passionate about talking about money anxieties because that's something that I've struggled with for a long time myself and have learned to better my relationship with money. Because when we come down to it.

Speaker 1:

I mean, I know, you know is that it's all about the relationship that we have with money, and the relationship is like with any other relationship that we have with money, and the relationship is like with any other relationship that we have, that's with, like actual people, like if we're not cultivating that relationship, it's not going to get better. And so money is a relationship that we also have to cultivate.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely. Are you finding, like, is it something that people easily talk about in therapy? I'm curious, if you find that it's something that people avoid talking about, you have to kind of bring out of people like, um, yeah, what do you find is the comfort level that people have to talk about their money, even in therapy?

Speaker 1:

even in therapy. Yeah, usually people are not comfortable talking about money and it's something that needs to be deliberate or intentional, having that conversation. Honestly, I do end up having a lot of conversations with my clients about money because I am a cash based private practice, so my fee is something that I have to talk to them about, and sometimes we have to have a conversation on, like, what is something that they're comfortable with? Have they thought about a budget for therapy? And so that's really where the conversation with me and my clients start is really in the beginning, which is so helpful, because if we can break down barriers in our financial anxiety, that's only going to trickle down to all other areas of your life.

Speaker 2:

Wow. So okay, that is interesting because you're right, like, therapy is an investment that people make and sometimes it's not the cheapest thing people can do, but they know they need it and so it kind of opens the door. I'm curious, like you said that you have, it kind of opens the door. I'm curious, like you said that you have struggled with this in the past. Tell us a little bit more about that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so what? Growing up money wasn't necessarily talked about in terms of of this relationship piece that I'm talking about now. It was talked about in the framework of, like a scarcity mindset, really Like money doesn't grow on trees. Those are the messages I heard. Right, money doesn't grow on trees. You have to work really hard for your money. Money doesn't come easily, like.

Speaker 1:

All of those types of messages were messages that I grew up with and that's because of the financial knowledge that my parents had, right, and so, like we're in a smaller rural town and so there you don't really see. Well, now you do, our town is flourishing and it's growing, but back then you didn't really see the opportunity or there was not a lot of people with a positive money mindset in my area or to surround myself with, because I definitely am a believer that the people that you surround yourself with the most are the people who are what does that word? Who, um? Have the most influence on you? Yes, yes, they have the most influence on you. Their beliefs are going to rub off on your own, their values are going to rub off on your values, and so if you're not surrounding yourself with people who have this positive money mindset or a positive relationship with money.

Speaker 1:

You are not also going to be able to cultivate that as easily. It's going to be something that you have to intentionally shift, and so, in my experience with that, it took a really long time and there was a lot of restriction that I got into, which which never ended up well, like restricting my money was never fun. I mean, who likes restriction, right? Um, it's almost like when you restrict something, the opposite effect happens. You go into this I'm thinking about in terms of, like food, but you can even look at in terms of money, like you end up binging, right, because you've restricted for so long, um, in ways that you don't want to be spending your money, or you look at it as like oh well, I earned it, I should be able to spend it. However, however I want which is true, you should be able to spend it however you want, but you have to have some kind of plan and it should be values based.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So I'm curious, like what are the biggest areas that you see your clients struggling with financial anxiety that maybe they don't even know? Like maybe they do know, but like what are the things that you see in your practice that you say I think there's more to this? Like what are some of those symptoms or things that you see as a mental health professional, that kind of raise your flag? Like I think we might need to work more on this?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah. So definitely, when people, when people are saying, or when any of my clients are saying, like I just wish I had more, or if, if, like my, my really or not my relationship, they're not using that word If my finances were better, in a better place, then, like my life would be so much better. So those are kind of like that, coupled with whatever they're describing in their day-to-day. So maybe they're talking about how they are, are struggling in their finances, but maybe they're going on vacations, maybe they're traveling a lot, and so that's that right. There's a disconnect, right? So, like you were struggling, you're struggling financially, right you're. You're traveling, often for leisure, which is fine, there's nothing wrong with that but there's a disconnect there because if you're really struggling financially, in the terms of you can't keep a roof over your head, you can't, um, pay for your food, or maybe you can't, you know, make ends meet for your bills, that's not in alignment with how you're living your life, right, almost like a cognitive dissonance.

Speaker 2:

I'm sorry, almost like a cognitive dissonance, like they're yes, they're. You know what I mean, the two things being separate and not in alignment with each other.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, and the thing with that, too is sometimes it's not necessarily the numbers, right, like if they go and look at the numbers, excuse me, that might not be the reality of what they're telling themselves, and so that's. Another thing too is and I'm sure you bring this up with your clients as well is have you looked at your numbers or are you avoiding them? Is your financial, is the state of your finances really where you think it is, or are you just projecting? Because this is how you were grown up like, this is how you were raised to believe your finances to be Right.

Speaker 2:

And you must see too, that a lot of people's financial stories are coming back to like either what their parents did or what they learned as a kid, right Like we don't always realize that those same kind of just money habits. We are subconsciously just doing what our parents did and they're doing what their parents did, and we have this opportunity where we can you know, we can steer the ship Right, and many of us don't realize that until well into adulthood, that maybe we've been doing the same thing we saw our parents do and that we have the ability to start to shift. You know the way we've been going. So like I'm curious, kayla, like tell me a little bit too. Like how do you? I'm sure?

Speaker 2:

Like you know, financial anxiety is just one piece of the stress that we feel in everyday life. It's not everything. Do you find that there are like mental health, like almost like exercises or grounding techniques that people use or help your clients with for people who do experience just like stress about their spending often? So like, let's give an example, like somebody who you know, I work with a lot of people who are making good money. They still have some debt. Their savings isn't as high as they want it to be. So they experience stress on grocery store not because they don't have the money, but because their experience with money when they spend it is like oh, I shouldn't be, I should be doing this, I should be doing that. Like how can they help lower some of the stress they feel day to day about those things? You know, my thought as a coach is like well, we got to make that plan, we have to make a spending budget, like that's going to help helping into the future, but like there's still just the bodily reaction and stress.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, how do you help your clients with that?

Speaker 1:

yeah, and I am really glad that you brought that up and that you made like this distinction of like the plan, because you could have everything planned but your body might not be caught up yet. So like, cognitively, you know, right, you know you have the money in the bank, you have this plan and you're following it, but internally your body might not necessarily believe you yet, or it's just not quite ready or not not necessarily ready, but it you haven't practiced signaling safety to your body. What I mean by this is this new plan is unfamiliar to you and to your body and so when things are unfamiliar, it signals on like that you're not safe. It's signaling or sympathetic nervous system to respond. So what that is is like the fight or flight response and when that happens you can feel that like the anxiety creeping up, maybe your heart's racing, maybe you're, you know, struggling to breathe a little bit. So like taking deep breaths is one way that you can start signaling safety.

Speaker 1:

I know sometimes people like roll their eyes about taking some deep breaths, but really because you want to be able to slow your heart rate down. That's not the only way you can do that, but that's essentially what's going on is your sympathetic nervous system is being activated because this unfamiliarity is signaling that you're not in a safe place and our like, our mind is so powerful. So if we're're having these thoughts, like while we're at the grocery store, like oh my gosh, am I going to be able to afford this? Like I just bought this at you know, I just went to the mall and bought, you know, a new outfit and although, again, you know that you can afford your groceries, you have enough in the bank. But if that is your norm, if those are your go-to thoughts, that's activating that sympathetic side of your nervous system. Okay, and so what we want to do is we want to signal safety, and so signaling safety is getting back to a more regulated place, and that can be, done with with the deep breathing.

Speaker 1:

It can be done with um, like there's so many techniques.

Speaker 1:

There is havening, which it really stemmed a little bit from acupuncture, and what that is is like having skin-to-skin contact with yourself.

Speaker 1:

So, for example, if pretending like you put lotion on so slowly, you know moving your hands like this, if um, as in you put lotion on so slowly, you know moving your hands like this, if um, as in you put lotion on, or if you don't have sleeves I have sleeves right now, but you can like slowly go up and down and these are things that can help with your relationship with money, because it's still important to go slow, because when we don't go slow, when we're trying to make all of these changes all at one time, it really can just regulate us. And, using some nervous system, regulating exercises which you can google and look up and you will find so many because there's a ton. It's just you have to find what works for you, because not every, not every regulating technique is going to work for you, because it's personality based really Like, like I said in the beginning, like some people might roll their eyes about taking some deep breaths and that's just showing you, like that might not be the one for you Like there are so many others.

Speaker 1:

but the point, like the big point, is being able to signal safety for your body and going in that as a practice. This is something to practice so that eventually you're going to feel you're not going to feel that anxiety piece of them anymore when you go to the grocery store, because you've practiced so long signaling safety that now you've built up a new habit, you have new go-to thoughts.

Speaker 2:

I love that, like going slow, keeping an expectation for yourself, like this is a new thing, and also I've never heard that phrase before like learning how you can signal safety to yourself, because there's so many ways that we can feel unsafe with money, like, just you know, unexpected bill comes up going to the doctor and having the bill be higher than you thought, getting your bonus and seeing how much the government takes in taxes like there are so many experiences where right yes, it's next season, so like people are feeling that right now.

Speaker 2:

I really like that, like figuring. You know, for me as a coach, I'm always thinking how can we have, how can the plan show us safety? But I'm not good at helping people with their body right, like. All I can do is build up the experience of like we are safe, how are Right. But sometimes we do really need to retrain our mind and our body to also feel safe, because it can be years after we are logically safe with money. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1:

And that's like why you don't want to rush this process and you definitely have to be working with someone who you can be honest with, because I know, like what I in terms of like the clients that I work with, a lot of them are like people pleasers and perfectionists, or recovering people pleasers and perfectionists. So when they're going through a like a coaching program they can get, they might not always be as honest, like oh yes, this is working great because there are people pleasing and perfectionist tendencies might come out.

Speaker 1:

so if, if anyone is going through like a coaching experience, they have to be comfortable and honest with their coach, because if they're not, then they just they're just recreating that pattern again, Because that's like oh, if I'm not being good enough in this, right, then you're just rewriting that story again.

Speaker 2:

Like as a therapist like you, this is only one part of all the things that you work with people through and helping them feel just more at peace, more capacity for joy, like. I saw this quote yesterday that I wanted to like put up, and I don't normally feel that way, I'm not like a quote girl, but there was something about how, like going to therapy and like working on healing is not just about being able to handle trauma Like we're used to that. It's about learning how to handle joy.

Speaker 1:

Yes, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:

And so, kayla, can you tell us about just the clients you work with and what you know? People who are listening to this and are thinking about maybe getting a therapist Like who are you for? How can they find out more about you? Tell us a little bit about that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so I love working with women who are big feelers or highly sensitive people Like those are my people, because I myself feel the same way. So if you're someone who's like always nervous about being too much or people or like you find yourself getting emotional for like the most random things Like for me, I would get emotional.

Speaker 1:

Or like watching competition shows, like I don't know if you remember if you ever watched you Think you Can Dance, think you can dance, like you think you can dance, or like, like the voice, like, if people got chosen, I would get watery eyed as if, like, I was that person. Um so, so like. That is not an experience that everybody has. Um, so like, highly sensitive people, people pleasers and perfectionists like y'all are my jam, because that is also experiences that I have had. I am a huge believer that, like, the experiences we have and overcome are things that we can also like be guides for people who are in an earlier stage of recovery, really, and so and I'm also passionate about helping moms I am the host of the modern moms roadmap to balance podcast, uh, where Nicole was also a guest of mine, uh, which was a great episode, so you should catch that too. Um, and you can find me on Instagram that's where I hang out the most at Kayla Nettleton underscore, lcsw, and you can find me on my website at wwwkaylanettletoncom.

Speaker 2:

Love that. Um so, for those of you guys watching, if you are looking for a great therapist who can understand you, help you towards becoming the best version of yourself, it sounds like they should check you out. Um so, kayla, thanks for being on this live with me on Facebook. I know that we are going live on Instagram, too pretty soon, so I want to wrap this one up, but we will drop some links below in Facebook so people can find out more about you. But thanks for coming on today. Yes, awesome, I had a great time. Okay, bye.

Speaker 1:

Well, I hope you enjoyed today's episode and before you click pause or next the next podcast, I really wanted to talk about my experience in that coaching program which got me to that place where I felt confident and no longer anxious about my money, and that is Relaxed Money by Kate Northrup, and right now she is signing up for her free three-day workshop called Wide Receiver and in this workshop she's going to really go deep into why tending to your nervous system is going to be key when trying to heal your relationship with money. Oftentimes you hear like well, it's all about your finances and your budget and all of the systems you have in place, but that's only one part of of what is it? That's only one part of healing your relationship with money and honestly, you really, or I believe that you really can't change your relationship with money and honestly, you really, or I believe that you really can't change your relationship with money just by looking at the spreadsheets and having all those systems in place. You must first feel safe with your money, to receive money and to hold money before implementing the. Well, I wouldn't say before. Honestly, I would say like, at least with and, if anything, healing your nervous system and being able to regulate it optimally is going to just enhance your relationship that you're trying to create with money, and the program that Kate has is amazing and life changing, and I would not be promoting this program if it didn't do anything for me.

Speaker 1:

I honestly, like I was the one who was like so scared to go and check, like order groceries, or I would like put off going to the grocery store because I was just afraid of, like what the balance would say or, you know, my card possibly being declined, and I would also very much avoid checking my bank account because I was just nervous about like what would or would not be there, or really of what would not be there. And it, you know, doing Kate's program has really been a game changer, especially in the way I view money and the view in the way I view the possibility of receiving money. It's it's really been a life changer, a game changer for the way that I'm living my my life and experiencing like abundance and more, my ability to have like money flow to me in a way that it hasn't ever before, and so if this is something that sounds like, yes, I want to do that. I would highly highly recommend at least doing her three day free workshop, her three-day free workshop.

Speaker 1:

And I know Kate and she is going to deliver some really great stuff in this free workshop and I don't want you to think like, oh, it's free, what will I really get? I promise you you're going to get so much out of her workshop because what she puts into her free stuff is equal to the amount of effort and energy and love that she puts into her paid stuff. So I promise you're going to get something out of even just attending her free three-day workshop. So please, if this sounds great for you, I would love for you to click the link in the show notes to sign up for her wide receiver workshop. And I am going to be attending the wide receiver workshop, so I hope to see you there.