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The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Is it really possible to find balance as a mom? Each week, I'll be bringing you inspiring chats, interviews, and dialogues all based around helping moms like you unlock their potential and lead the balanced life they want. If you enjoy listening to topics that help you lead a more balanced life, then you've come to the right place. I'm obsessed with helping moms lead the life they want without the guilt.
With the right information and support, you can find balance in motherhood without sacrificing your needs.
The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Episode 25: Overcoming Barriers in Setting Boundaries and Building Self-Trust with Special Guest Megan Carney
Have you ever tried to perfect a yoga pose, only to realize the key isn't in staying still, but in constantly adjusting? That's how Megan Carney, licensed psychologist sees the pursuit of balance in her life—more like a quest for harmony. She joins me, Kayla Nettleton, to share her insights into setting boundaries that not only keep us upright but allow us to sway gracefully amidst life's demands. In a candid conversation, Megan reveals her methods for carving out a personal sanctuary, such as crafting bedtime rituals and managing client expectations, all while nurturing her family's emotional growth. Her experiences will resonate with many, providing a fresh perspective on navigating the delicate dance of personal and professional fulfillment.
As we venture further into the world of parenting, Megan and I unravel the generational evolution towards emotional openness with our kids and the crafting of compassionate boundaries. We confront the myths that paint boundary-setting in a negative light, emphasizing instead their role in safeguarding relationships and self-respect. Woven into our discussion are Megan's strategies for listening to our bodies and recognizing our needs—critical tools to prevent the all-too-common burnout. Whether you're seeking reassurance on your parenting journey or you're simply a professional striving for a balanced life, this episode is a trove of relatable narratives and actionable wisdom, underscored by a recommended read for those looking to delve deeper into self-care strategies.
Helpful Links:
Website:
www.meganscarney.com
Social Media Handles
FB: @PsychologistMegan
Free Resource:
20 Simple Phrases for Setting Compassionate Boundaries
Book Discussed on the Podcast:
Burnout By Emily Nagoski
About the Podcast Host
Kayla Nettleton is a licensed therapist based in TX, business owner, mom of 3 kids and coach for therapists who want support and guidance in their journey in creating an aligned business model so that they can live the freedom based life they've always dreamed of without sacrificing their own needs.
In her private practice as a therapist Kayla specialize in helping women overcome anxiety, perfectionism and people pleasing tendencies so that they can lead a more fulfilled and authentically aligned life
Find Kayla on IG
@kaylanettleton_lcsw
@themodernmomsroadmaptobalance
Email: kayla@kaylanettleton.com
TX Residents can Schedule a Free 20 minute therapy consultation here.
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Hello everybody, welcome back and thank you so much for joining me today. Today, our guest is Megan Carney. She is a psychologist based in Idaho. She hates small talk and she's been working towards better boundaries personally and professionally for years. Megan is also a mom of one. Welcome, megan.
Speaker 2:Thanks for having me, kayla.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and, as I always ask everybody, what is your definition of balance?
Speaker 2:Well, I think of it usually more as harmony than balance, and I learned this in a yoga class, actually, when we were learning to balance, and the instructor told us the goal is not to be perfectly balanced. We will wobble, we will fall and we get to decide if we're putting our foot down, stopping, darting over or just adjusting, and that the real goal is that we're trying to find harmony in that process. And that is actually what I look for in life, because I mean we can plan things down to a T, but life is never going to go exactly according to plan and things that are never going to be perfectly balanced, especially when you add kids to the mix.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, isn't that the truth? Yeah, but that is such a beautiful definition because it encompasses all of the things that people struggle with when they are trying to find balance in their lives, especially moms, because moms often are holding the load of everything, trying to juggle everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just get this like image of a mom on like the high wire at a circus or something and she's like both balancing and juggling well on this high wire.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah yeah, and I know that because we are friends. If I didn't already say that, I meant to say that. I meant to say that Megan is a dear friend of mine when I did the introduction, but that is being stated now. So Megan is a friend of mine. We actually meet weekly for some accountability stuff with our businesses and so because I know you and I know you do a lot of work with boundaries, how is having boundaries helpful with creating this balance and harmony in life?
Speaker 2:Well, I learned things the hard way and so when I often have the boundaries I've needed in the past, everything tilts to one side. Right, you fall off that high wire because you're focusing so much on this thing over here which oftentimes is your family, and you've neglected yourself on the other side, that you just can't keep it together anymore and it all falls apart and you're not taking care of yourself or your family. So I learned pretty early on that I needed to create time and space for myself, for taking care of me, to be able to show up as the mom and the partner that I want to be.
Speaker 1:And what does that look like for you?
Speaker 2:That comes out in all areas of life. For me it comes out in, like, my bedtime, because it's not just my kids that needs the bedtime, I need one too. Yeah, it comes out in what my availability is to see clients and adjusting that so that it works for the whole family. My spouse and I are both self-employed and we've worked it out so that Friday they're flexible, and two days a week I'm home when my kiddo gets home and the other two days my spouse is home when my kiddo gets home. It looks like saying I need 10 minutes to meditate.
Speaker 2:Please do not interrupt me yeah it has looked like creating a routine of going to yoga and, when I fall out of that routine, like restating it, recreating the routine again. Yeah, because we're not perfect, right, that's harmony. And it also looks like setting boundaries with my kiddo on things like interrupting me over how she might treat us, because she's nine, almost ten and she's got, she's growing the attitude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the tween attitude that often comes out yes, yes, such a sweet kid, but sometimes the attitude is just there. I'm sure there's things I'm missing too there. There are lots of ways that I have set boundaries around my time and around my space. Make life better balanced for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm glad that you pointed it out because those were the main themes time and space for you, when other people's balance and harmony might be around other things, maybe they have samples of time but maybe they don't have enough space or maybe they want more connection with other people in their life.
Speaker 1:Those are really great points to build up, to bring up because, yeah, I think oftentimes, especially when we're, you know, listening to podcasts or listening to self-improvement stuff, we try and mimic what other people are doing and not trying to create something that works for us in what we need.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, absolutely, and you know a lot of what I've done in family life with setting boundaries. I learned the hard way when the pandemic happened and we all had to stay home for a really long time. And I learned the hard way because my spouse and I were both trying to have our offices in the same room and like alternate who? Was in the room when and I like to be neat and organized. He was not very neat and organized when.
Speaker 2:I just remember crying to him one day I was like I just need to be safe for myself, like that's when I was like, oh, those, those are like really, really my need, and the time goes sometimes now to like making connections with other people, having time to like go out with friends, yeah. But I learned by noticing what I was lacking. Right, I didn't have a tidy space that I could work out of and do a little bit of meditation or yoga, and I did not have a moment that was uninterrupted to myself for a little while until I said what I needed.
Speaker 1:And I know oftentimes people get stuck in. Well, how do I know that this is something that I need? And if it is, how do I get past the guilt of asking for it? Because you know, as someone who works with a lot of moms, you're a mom yourself. This is something that comes up often with moms Like, sure, yes, I want to spend time on my own or I want to do something for myself, but when it gets time to doing it, the guilt just creeps up and like no, I should stay home with my kids, or no, I should just, you know, fold the laundry instead or do the dishes.
Speaker 2:And then you end up doing it all. You break right, because the breaking point comes. If you're doing it all, I don't care who you are. The breaking point will come. It does it really does.
Speaker 2:That's one of the things that I work a lot on with my clients as well is the guilt that comes up with asking for whatever it is that they want or need, and the first thing that I always do is just lean into listening to the guilt Like why is that there? What are we so concerned about? Is going to happen? If we don't feel guilty, what do we say that that means about us? If we don't feel guilty and usually there's something bigger there, right, we're concerned about what other people are going to think about us, or that we're not a good enough mom or good enough spouse, or we're not doing enough. And the reality is like that is just not true. No, 39% of us, we are given in our all, and it's hard to see that when you're on the inside of it, because there is always more that you could give, or it seems like there is, but eventually you're well-run, strong.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was actually that's oh, go ahead.
Speaker 2:I was going to say. My kiddo got this book in in kindergarten called how Full Is your Bucket and it it talks about when, like something maybe mean is said or done to a person, how some drops fall out of their bucket.
Speaker 2:When something positive is happening, drops go into their bucket and you can see that the people who have these like almost empty buckets usually look like sad or mad or something, and the people in the full buckets are playing and happy, and that's what life is for all of us, with our energy and how much we're putting into ourselves or others are putting into us, so that we can get our buckets to be almost overflowing, so that we do have something to give. And to me, like that's how that's a big piece of combating the guilt, it's like I need to have it up that I can give lovingly and freely and with compassion and not end up feeling resentful that I'm giving so much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you will. You that resentment will build inside of you. I don't care who you are, unless you're doing something to counterbalance that. Yeah, and that's not bad to your own bucket or cup or however you want to look at it. Yeah, that was actually something that I struggled with myself, and funny thing is is I had I just talked about that in my stories earlier today. I had posted to ask me anything on motherhood and marriage, and that's the first question that I got asked is what was the hardest part?
Speaker 1:And the hardest part is resting, allowing myself to take a break and do things that I wanted to do, even though there were other you know house chores that needed to be done, and it took me realizing there are always going to be other things that need to be done. All of the time, and it comes to life, there's always things that are undone. It's never going to be perfect. Your to-do list is always going to have something on it, and if we're waiting for that to be empty, we're going to be waiting a really long time, yeah, or we're going to burn out, yeah, absolutely. And so once I realized that if I want to keep good relationships with my family, the people living with me. I have to do things for myself. I have to allow myself to slow down and give myself the things that I do need to show up as a good mom in the best, in the way that I want to show up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I have a similar response to that question of like what's the hardest thing for you as a parent? And I always say like to my other mom friends, everyone like sometimes the hardest part is managing your own crap enough that you can handle your kid's crap.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, that's another one. Yes, that one did come to my mind in a moment, but that one is hard Right.
Speaker 2:And for me, like that was part of me recognizing I needed the time and space to handle my own stuff so that I could help my kid out with her stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was me. We struggle with our own stuff because we haven't already been taught how to deal with it, how to work through it, and that's why parenting can be so difficult and so challenging, because a lot of us are trying to do it differently than how we were raised, so we didn't have that model to go off of.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely, and it definitely feels like we're on this generational cuss right when, like we're, many of us trying to do things differently and make lots of space for feelings no matter how big the feelings are, and that's not how most of us grew up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so kind of going back, mm. Hmm, do you have any good boundaries that you usually give to clients to kind of practice with?
Speaker 2:I don't have a standard one that I give them to practice, partially because, even though almost all of them need some help in that area, they have different areas of life where it's easier for them to start with or different areas of life that they're stuck on. So it might be with their parent, even though they're an adult. Like that could be a really challenging person to set boundaries with. Other times I've worked with people where the boundary that needs to be set is at work, because they are working like 80, 90 hours a week and it's not worth it in any way to them. Yeah, so I don't have a standard one that I know people. I usually start with helping people figure out what they need.
Speaker 2:So then they get to that place of okay. So how do I say, how do I say this? Yes, how do I do this? What happens when they push back? Uh?
Speaker 1:huh, and I really asked that question to highlight that. It's because there's a lot of boundary tips on social media with like different scripts and stuff, which are great, but if you're not working with, you know, hand in hand with a therapist who is supporting you and guiding you in that, it might be difficult to know where to start and which boundaries are going to be most important for you In this moment versus some that maybe are for later or you might not even have to introduce yeah, even I.
Speaker 2:By the time this podcast comes out, I will probably have like 20 things to say to set boundaries, compassion boundaries, and I encourage you to just pick a couple out of 20. Right, so really pick the easy ones, pick the ones that matter to you, because there is no set standard way of setting the boundary, of what boundary you want to set, of how to say it, when to say it, who to say it, to like. All of those variables matter. The context matters, and so we might adjust things based on that context.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know when. I love that you said compassionate boundaries, because recently I've been seeing a lot of kind of pushback against boundaries because they feel so negative, like if I'm setting the boundary then I'm being mean or I have to do it in this mean way when, yes, there's some, some stuff shown back there, boundaries don't mean you're mean, right? Yeah, so boundaries are something that you can put in place compassionately and honestly. It really takes compassionate boundaries often for people to hear them and really understand them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I mean just the standard advice is like we'll just say no, like that never resonated with me. Yeah, I will just say no. If, after a few times of saying it like you're still trying to push me, I'll probably say no, because I'm not going to convince you anyway. Right, but for most people, especially like the people that we are in relationship with in any way, are the people that we are going to need to set boundaries with.
Speaker 2:And of course, sort of people that we want to preserve that relationship with. So we want to set a compassionate boundary with them. I set compassionate boundaries with my family. My clients set compassionate boundaries and started there to preserve relationships instead of having to just cut somebody out completely, right. Yeah, that's way more compassionate.
Speaker 1:And I think that's where a lot of people kind of get put off when the topic of boundaries is brought up is because that's their initial thought is boundaries means I'm cutting someone off completely, when that's not the case at all. Boundaries really helps you to continue having this relationship, maybe long term, if that's what you want.
Speaker 2:Yes, exactly, I really love the quote by it's Princess and Phil. They I'm not sure their pronouns, so I'll say they say boundaries are the distance at which at which I can love both of you and me equally, or something to the effect of that. Right. Like, yeah, when you're over giving, when you don't have good enough boundaries for yourself, as we brought up earlier, like that's when the resentment builds towards the person on the other side of it, even though they may have done nothing on, you just don't have enough to give, and you need to be the one to say, like well, actually, here's my line of like, what I can give. And then they get to meet you at that line because they're not in our heads, they're not in our lives, they can't know that we've over given, they don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think a lot of the times when we've given so much that resentment almost forces us to believe these people know. They're just continuing to ask me because I know I say yes.
Speaker 2:When we're taught to believe that to right, like and there is some truth to it because, like in employment for example, right, we know that an employer is going to squeeze as much out of you. Take that view we're as little as they can because their goal is profit Usually I mean not when you're in a nonprofit, necessarily or really good, healthy work environments, because those do exist. Yeah, there are lots of places and lots of people where they are going to keep asking, and maybe it is because you've kept saying yes, but that's also because they don't know what that yes has meant for you, what you have given up, how much you've over given, how exhausted you are because you keep rising to the occasion at the detriment of yourself. Yeah, and no company, no human can know that unless we tell them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I had recently read something that was talking about how, in our childhood, when we're striving for the a, that's kind of what creates this you know cycle in our working life, because there's usually no a to strive for, but we're still trying to strive for it, even in our work environment. Sure, there might be raises or promotions, but that is not the case for everybody. There are some people who are still trying to give it their all to get the a when there's no a that's going to be given which you know will lead you to burnout, is going to put you in burnout.
Speaker 2:Same with parenting, right Like where's my A for parenting? That's never gonna come.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're the.
Speaker 2:A for being like the best mom.
Speaker 1:right, no one's grading us. There is no system that's like this is the best mom ever and she gets this no.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but we have that expectation for ourselves. I mean, I was one of those kids right who was always driving for the A. The A minus was like well, why didn't you get an A? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. So that level of like almost overachieving or it can create like some perfectionism in us right, when we're always trying to be the best, Always trying to get first place or be on the winning team or get the A or have the best job, whatever that means to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I remember in undergrad I got a C. That was the first C that I had ever gotten.
Speaker 1:I was devastated it was so devastated and I had called my mom and I was crying and the first thing that came out of her mouth was like it's okay, cs get degrees. But in the moment I was so mad I was like what, what do you mean? Cs get degrees? Because my entire life they had told me that I need to strive for the A and that if I had gotten anything less I was better than that. So I needed the A. And then here I am in college with a C and it's like, oh no, cs get degrees. What is that? And it didn't. What I wasn't even taking into consideration is I got the C as a freshman in a class that juniors and seniors took. When you look back, you're like, oh, that is probably pretty awesome that I got a C, that I even was able to pass the class because it was at such a higher level. No, I was just thinking I couldn't get this A and it was thinking back on it. How I opening that is that.
Speaker 1:I was so devastated for something that literally had no impact on the rest of my education or the rest of my career or life this one class that really didn't mean anything. I just needed to pass it to get my degree later on.
Speaker 2:Yep, yep, I had a very similar experience where I didn't get below an A until undergrad and I was like what is happening?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I remember it was. I was so stressed out by that class. It was neuroscience actually. So, remember, so remember the class. It was so hard. It was taught by four professors, four different professors, so every, every test was a different professor. So basically, you were trying to learn a whole new teaching style four different times, versus having one professor, and you're like, okay, this first test was like a test to figure them out, right?
Speaker 2:No, yeah, they were different every time. Yeah, yeah, you were figuring it out as you went every time.
Speaker 1:Every time, yes, yeah, but one of the things that I also wanted to talk to you about, because this often comes up with moms and being able to trust themselves. What steps can people take to start feeling like they can trust themselves?
Speaker 2:Well, I think you know what's we have to ask ourselves first is like, well, wait a second. Like why don't I trust myself? Like why is that? And maybe it's the messages that we got earlier in life, maybe it's because we've made some mistakes or bad decisions in the past and we can't even trust that. Like we need to make that mistake to learn.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's one part of it, and I think the other piece of it is when we're caught up in mommy and we're just like dealing with what comes at us. Right, because like it's so fast when you're a mom and it kind of feels like you're in crisis management all the time it can. Yeah, you don't get a chance to pause and really pay attention to what you need, to even know what you need. So, like, how can you trust yourself when you're in that situation where you can't even pause long enough with enough clarity to say, ok, what do I actually really need here or what is this situation really need? So of course, we can't trust ourselves because we haven't even been listening to ourselves, to know what to trust, right yeah, because we've been shoving down our feelings, our needs, our concern, to focus on everyone.
Speaker 1:So the first step into being able to trust yourself is start listening to what's going on within you.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, Because even if you're so well trained, I would say you're so experienced at shoving down your emotion, Even if you can't really access those your body is going to tell you, right, you're going to be getting sick more often, you're going to be exhausted, it's going to take you longer to recover when you do get sick and if you have littles like, you're getting sick anyway, right, yes, yes, I've been sick for like a whole month. I am very thankful to be past that, babe.
Speaker 2:But like it takes longer to recover. When you have just been giving and giving and not taking that time to listen to what your body needs, and when it's taking you a really long time to recover and you're trying to force yourself to push through right, you're trying to like drag yourself out of bed in the morning, then there's a really good chance that you haven't been listening to your body well enough, because your body is like screaming at you to take care of yourself with rest, with water, with the foods that work for your body.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's actually something I've been talking a lot about recently is that your body is trying to send you messages, but it takes stopping slowing down to listen and start becoming in tune with what those messages are. Yeah, and a lot of people I find struggle with slowing down. I recently had done a poll in my stories in Instagram and everyone who had clicked the poll said that they struggled the most with knowing when to slow down, and I think it's. We need to just slow down just because first, so that we can learn what those cues our body is telling us that it's time to slow down. We can't wait till the end because we won't be able to hear those messages as clearly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, unless your body really takes you out and you land in the hospital. Yes, and I don't wish that upon any of you.
Speaker 1:No, no, but that can happen. It really can. It can. Yes, my husband had talked to me about he my husband, has a daughter with a past relationship and she's really gonna be. She's already going to graduate high school. That's how long ago it was.
Speaker 1:But when she was a baby, he worked like a 12 hour shift night and then would come home and be with her while her mom went to work. That means he was staying up so much longer. He he ended up really getting himself in the hospital because he wasn't sleeping and I know I'm talking about a male in this, but oftentimes it's moms who were following those patterns where we're doing so much that we don't stop or we don't sleep, or you know, there's things that we don't do. Well, he let himself in the hospital. I think he said he slept for like 48 hours straight, wow, and he was just so dehydrated, so exhausted and yeah. So you really can't land yourself in the hospital if you overdo it. Your body is going to make you stop because it's gonna do what it needs to do to protect itself.
Speaker 2:It absolutely will, and I don't know if you've read the book Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagaske. I haven't. They talk about one of them ended up in the hospital because they burnt themselves out Like they were really needing some serious medical care because they just ran themselves so ragged. Hence the book developing and coming out highly recommended.
Speaker 1:No, yes, I think I've. This is this second or third time that I've thought that book has come up, so I really do need to put it on my audible cue.
Speaker 2:It's a good one. It is a really good one.
Speaker 1:This whole conversation has really been about getting needs met, what to do to get your needs met. Where should people start in figuring out what those needs are? Because I think that's another thing women struggle with. Mom struggle with is just recognizing what is it that I do need and being able to voice those or even write them down for yourself, because I know sometimes that guilt will make us believe we don't need them or we shouldn't need them or we shouldn't want them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you're out of place where you can't even identify what you need, then there's a really good chance that you need to be looking at your basic needs. Hmm, and to me that means one making time and it doesn't even have to be a lot of time, but making a little bit of time for you to be able to even explore what you might need. Those basic needs to me also means sleep. Are you getting enough sleep? And I know that's hard, especially if you're in like the baby face, right. That's a journey.
Speaker 2:My sister-in-law there is there right now and she's learning like, okay, sleep, when maybe sleep, but sleep is a really big one. And if the problem with sleep is that your brain won't quiet down enough to be able to sleep, and then you need to be looking at do I have enough outlets that work for me to relieve some of this stress, because we really do have to. This is in the burnout book. We have to reset our stress cycle to be able to successfully rest and feel rested right, and there's lots of ways that we can reset our stress cycle.
Speaker 2:But if you're not doing that, then it is gonna be really hard to let your brain calm down enough to sleep. So those would be the areas that I would start with making a little bit of time for yourself to reflect. Make sure you're getting enough sleep, and if your brain's not letting you get enough sleep, think where you can discharge some stress.
Speaker 1:Yeah, are there any common things to relieve that? You find that come up often.
Speaker 2:The most effective for most people is some sort of physical activity. It doesn't have to be traditional exercise, but like going back to the pandemic again, when I was needing that space and time. I was also needing a way to discharge my stress because I had lost some of my other ways and I was going on walks and I didn't feel like enough. And one day when I was walking, I was like I feel like running, and so I just ran like a little and I am not a runner, I promise you I am not, but I actually wanted to. So I ran just a little bit, just like a short little sprint, and it was enough to feel that like wave of relief that you get when you've just exerted yourself. Yeah, so whatever gets those endorphins flowing for you, whether that's running or dancing or a high yoga class or whatever it is that's really effective for most people.
Speaker 2:And if you can't exercise like, if your body won't let you like, you are just way too exhausted for it, then the other really effective way is called the 20-second hug. And in a 20-second hug what happens is bun hormones get released, oxytone then, which gives us a little boost, right, makes us feel connected, because connection is one of those things that helps us reset the stress rifle. And in the 20-second hug you stand there, the other person stands there and you're both supporting your own body weight and you're hugging for 20 seconds. And that can feel a little awkward if you don't realize how long 20 seconds might be, so like you wanted to be somebody that you feel comfortable with. But those 20 seconds, that's a super quick way, super easy way to get a little reset.
Speaker 1:That's actually something that I naturally find myself doing with my husband is. I'm just like going for a hug, and he just knows that that's something that I need and we'll just stand there hugging until I let go, because it's something that I initiated. So then I'll let go and he knows that we don't even have a conversation about it. Or sometimes I'll ask like, are you okay or what's going on? But we've gone to the point where you just know that's, that's what I need to keep going.
Speaker 1:Or to you know, get through that morning. Yeah, or the little whatever was going on.
Speaker 2:Right, like you know, just had a tantrum. I need to reset. Give me a hug, yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean it really. It's really that's like the co -regulation. Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2:And that comes back to like taking care of our own stuff. Well, enough to help our kids with their stuff. How can we co-regulate with them? Yeah, help them. Do that. If we're on the brink of collapse ourselves, we can. Yeah, we can, even if we're like doing everything by the book. Emotionally we're on edge. Our kids can sense that they are very receptive.
Speaker 1:They are, they are and when. Oftentimes it's like that perception is kind of, I guess, taught out of them whenever, whenever they're, they seem not as perceptive. But kids are usually so like they just sense everything and they notice everything and they just take it all in. They do. And I had seen something recently that was like we need to get. We need to start getting away from telling moms that the reason they should fill their cup is so that they can give more to their family. But I can see where they were, this person was coming from. But at the same time, that's a lot of the reason that motivates moms to do something for themselves is so that they can give back and show up for their family in the way that they want to.
Speaker 1:But I think the message underneath that was you don't have to do it for someone else, you can do it just for yourself.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, Absolutely. I think the concern that comes up for a lot of people when you say like you can do it just for yourself is like oh that feels so selfish.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. But for me, what makes the most sense is we're taking care of ourselves enough that we can actually live out our values.
Speaker 1:Right, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Whether those values are family, our community, planet, whatever it may be. That like is most important to you. You're not going to be able to give yourself to it in the way that you want to if you haven't taken care of yourself. Yeah, and so maybe that is your family Cool, maybe it's not. That's cool too. Right, you get to choose your values.
Speaker 1:No one else has to tell you what they are. I think that's a really great way to frame that. So if someone is in Idaho and they're thinking, oh, megan, it sounds like Megan would be a great fit for me, or are there other ways that people can work with you first if they're not in Idaho?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:And if so, what's the best way to get in contact with you?
Speaker 2:Those things, yeah, coming soon. Another way to work with me if you're not in the state of Idaho and I'm giving myself the space and time I need to figure out exactly what it looks like, but it is going to be something that involves community and teaching about how to set those compassionate boundaries that we are taking really good care of ourselves, and you can hear more about that from either getting on my email list or following me on Facebook. You can get on my email list at my website, which is MeganSCarneycom, and my Facebook page is Psychologist Megan. Megan spelled the easy way M-A-G-A-N.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but we'll link all that up in the show notes. So if you're driving and you don't, or you don't have a pen and paper or something, your phone is about to die we will put that all up in the show notes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think it'll be done by the time that this goes out. I will also have a little freebie that you can get as well, so we can put a link to that too.
Speaker 1:Awesome, yeah, yeah, we'll definitely put that out. And if someone is in Idaho and they want to work with you is do they get in contact with you? The same way.
Speaker 2:Yep, they get in contact by my website. There's an easy little button to click to schedule. You can schedule a free consultation with me and that is the most efficient way to get any sort of contact with me, because I'm a mom too. Great, great.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you so much, Megan, for joining us today and giving some of us things to think about in terms of boundaries and thinking about our needs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you again for having me, kayla. It's been fun. It definitely felt like just friends chatting.
Speaker 1:Yes, Well, I will see you soon. All right, bye-bye.