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The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Is it really possible to find balance as a mom? Each week, I'll be bringing you inspiring chats, interviews, and dialogues all based around helping moms like you unlock their potential and lead the balanced life they want. If you enjoy listening to topics that help you lead a more balanced life, then you've come to the right place. I'm obsessed with helping moms lead the life they want without the guilt.
With the right information and support, you can find balance in motherhood without sacrificing your needs.
The Modern Moms Roadmap to Balance Podcast
Episode 20: Fostering Growth in Motherhood and Business with Special Guest Whitney Gardner
Ever wonder how to strike that perfect chord between the demands of motherhood and the yearning for personal fulfillment? Whitney Gardner, also fondly known as Mama Witt, joins us to share her harmonious trio of pillars for a balanced life, including cultivating nurturing relationships, prioritizing self-care, and creating a manageable schedule. As a CEO, mother, and wife, she offers an honest glimpse into her life's symphony, discussing the evolution of her parenting journey and the balancing act of interests and responsibilities.
Transitioning into entrepreneurship can feel like a high-wire act, but this episode is your safety net, guiding you through the process with grace. I open up about my shift from a health and wellness podcaster to a blog and social media entrepreneur, all while nurturing the growth of my family. The conversation turns to the power of mentorship and the art of public speaking, with a spotlight on the role of community support in empowering mothers to navigate their dreams and duties. Listen in as we unveil the secret to creating content that not only educates but also resonates deeply with our audience.
Concluding on a note of inspiration, we emphasize the transformative power of mindset shifts, the crafting of a life by design, and the necessity of flexible boundaries that adapt to life's daily rhythms. Acknowledging the impact social media has on our expectations, we share insights into the art of prioritization and the strength found in direct yet compassionate communication. Whether you're a mother seeking guidance or just looking for a dose of motivation, this episode is a stepping stone towards the life you've been dreaming of, wrapped up with an invitation to join our vibrant community and discover the "Five Unapologetic Boundaries That Every Mama Must Set.
Helpful Links:
Website: www.theboldmamaco.com
Social Media Handles:
@theboldmamaco (TikTok & IG)
About the Podcast Host
Kayla Nettleton is a licensed therapist based in TX, business owner, mom of 3 kids and coach for therapists who want support and guidance in their journey in creating an aligned business model so that they can live the freedom based life they've always dreamed of without sacrificing their own needs.
In her private practice as a therapist Kayla specialize in helping women overcome anxiety, perfectionism and people pleasing tendencies so that they can lead a more fulfilled and authentically aligned life
Find Kayla on IG
@kaylanettleton_lcsw
@themodernmomsroadmaptobalance
Email: kayla@kaylanettleton.com
TX Residents can Schedule a Free 20 minute therapy consultation here.
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Hello everybody. I hope you all have been having a great week. Today we have Whitney Gardner, also known as Mama Witt, and she is a mama to a daughter who is a year and a half, a dog mama and a wife who is the CEO of the Bold Mama Co, which is an online business aimed to help mom set boundaries, say no and let go of what no longer serves them so they can feel empowered and in control of their schedules, relationships and self-care. She is a coach, blogger, content creator and she also has a podcast coming soon. Thanks for joining us, whitney.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to speak to your audience of possibly mamas and just be able to talk about all things boundaries. It's so fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I am. Most of my audience are moms, so we are so glad to have you and, as always, the first question that I always ask everyone is what is your definition of balance?
Speaker 2:So my definition of balance, especially for moms, I kind of revolve around my three main pillars that I talk a lot about and that's having yourself be surrounded by uplifting relationships, by people that make you feel your best, that you don't feel over committed by, and then also being able to fit in your self-care and be able to make that time and schedule that into your calendar to be able to actually have self-care. And then also having a balanced schedule and not feeling over committed or overwhelmed from that and kind of having those three mixed in together of having a really balanced life is taking care of like your mental, your physical, your emotional health and kind of revolving around like those three main topics, cause I feel like those are really the main influential factors when we talk about balance, and like reducing guilt and feeling more present and more productive. I feel like all of those things just really make such a big impact with your balance of your day to day, like schedule and how you run your life.
Speaker 1:Really, oh yeah yeah, thanks for that. And you have a daughter who is one and a half. How has your view of balance changed since you became a mom, since it wasn't not too long ago?
Speaker 2:That's a great question. It's definitely been an adjustment. The hardest part for me was right after I had her. I went back to work pretty much right away.
Speaker 2:So, in addition to being the CEO of the Bold Momico, I was working at nine to five up until like very recently and it was a very stressful, hard experience doing running the Bold Momico, having her watching her full time while I was working online building the Bold Momico, and then also trying to fit in like scheduling and self-care and different you know relationships and my own health and wellness, and I'm someone that very much prides myself on someone who is very much connected to like my mind, body, soul, so I really do a lot of like work with that in my day to day life, and so that was just extremely overwhelming for me, and so my definition of balance has definitely changed because I had to learn how to really be present and mindful when I was with her versus when I wasn't with her.
Speaker 2:Like when you're single or even if you're just married without a baby, you can kind of like do all of these different things without feeling like super guilty about like one being, like letting one go or something, but once you involve your own child and you're like, okay, well, now I feel guilty cause I'm working but I should be with her own. But now I feel guilty because I'm folding the laundry when I should be with her or something and really trying to like work through that balance of trying to figure out, okay, how am I gonna have the best time possible with her and then also be able to work and do like household things and whatever else I'm trying to do in my day to day life. It was definitely a challenge.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I totally get it. I think there's a point where, for me, there's like an age and I can't even tell you which age, but it's an age where you know they're wanting more of your attention, even though right Studies show babies always want your attention and there's actually so much that babies can do. It's just that we're usually not looking and their response time is much more delayed than an older baby. But there's an age and I felt like more of a pool where my like little guilt kind of kept it came in, where I felt bad, like maybe watching a show, because it was easier to watch a show when they're not trying to get my attention.
Speaker 2:Exactly exactly. I thought that too. I love to watch like certain shows at night. I call it like my trash television, like my reality shows and stuff. I like love it.
Speaker 2:And now I'm like, shoot, I can't do that and watch her because she wants to stare at the screen and we do like no springtime yet and now she's starting to bring me like all of these books and toys and being like so much more interactive and like wanting to do like new things, that I'm like, oh my gosh, things are changing so quickly and so the guilt, all kind of shifts depending on what you're doing. But I'm just so glad that I was fortunate enough to be able to leave my nine to five and like slowly transition out. I'm only 50% for a few more months and then I'm completely done. But for those yeah, for those bombs that are trying to still like work full time with their babies at home, like I know how challenging it is. It is so much work and it is such a struggle and I had a lot of like stressed and anxiety from it, because you're just constantly feeling like everything requires your attention and you can't get anything done in a timely manner and there's so much going on.
Speaker 1:It's not easy, but oh yeah, and I don't know for you, but I remember when that started happening and I was so used to maybe watching TV in the evening or something, or maybe I was just used to doing something specific at a certain time. And as they got older and they wanted to come play or read a book. I remember getting annoyed. Like really Like you want to do this now, as I'm trying to relax. I know, Really.
Speaker 1:I don't remember at what point that I realized this, but I recognize. Ok, this really needs to be a mental shift, as this is just not going to be my reality anymore. This is the kids are going to come and they do need my attention. I just can't watch this show at this time. I'm going to have to redo my expectation of how I'm going to relax in the evening or decompress, and so, even just making that realization, things are changing because they're getting older and they're coming to ask more for things as in reading a book or quality time, and that's fine because they're at school or at daycare most of the day. Of course, they're going to be asking for our attention, but it's so normal to feel that annoyance or irritation as in oh can I have my own space, even though I've had space from most of the day.
Speaker 2:I know, trust me, I feel that same way, as it's hard. You're sometimes just like I just really want to do this one thing, but I can't. And it's OK too. But just learning how to balance a little bit of both, or just being like, ok, well, I'm going to maybe go in the room for 20 minutes, 30 minutes, and then maybe the husband can watch him for a little bit, and then I'll come switch or whatever, or just be like you said, adjusting your expectations and trying to figure out what is the new norm, what's going to work for me now. That's been a lot of what I've had to do, as a new mom is trying to, because it's constantly changing. Every period of growth is so different.
Speaker 2:When she was a newborn, you could sit there and watch TV all day if you wanted to, and I'm like where are those days where they wanted to cuddle with you and watch, just chill and do whatever and sleep past the day? I'm like I had so much time. What was I doing? And then, of course, I think back and all I wanted to do was get chores done and do other things. And then now it's just so different, with her being so interactive but I'm lucky she still takes a lot of naps and stuff, just trying to be really accepting of where you're at and your journey to and what your kids need from you.
Speaker 2:And no, it's not going to last forever too. It's always going to be changing. But, like you said too, with the daycare having help or not feeling afraid to ask for help or ask, possibly, a spouse for support, or if you need somebody to come in and help with something else or take something off your plate Like I'm a huge advocate for outsourcing, especially with things like cleaning the whole house or just big projects like that I just feel like there's other things that we could be better spending our time on that are really not something that we should really be worrying about. That could be much better suited for somebody else and then we can spend our time on something else, like that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I know boundaries is one of the things you really focus on and talk about. How did, how was I guess the bold Mamako created and then, like the boundaries work? Was that the boundaries, the thought about boundaries, come first, or was the idea of the bold Mamako, and how did those come together?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I my little story is I actually started my own podcast and had a different platform back in 2020 called Words with Wet. There's nothing out about it anymore. I took it all down, but it was all about health and wellness and personal development for women. That's always been something that I'm very, very passionate about. I love taking care of myself, like I said, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. So I started doing some content creation around that and then I only put out like 10 episodes or something.
Speaker 2:I was like, dang, this is a lot of work right now, because I knew it was coming up to me getting engaged, married, I was going to change my name, it was going to be a lot of work to have to reduce stuff later on, and I knew a lot of content was going to like there's a lot of changes coming up in my life and it just wasn't the right time. So then I was still working my nine to five, I was keeping really busy because I was planning the wedding and all that stuff. And then we got pregnant like right away. It only took us like two or three months and then I was pregnant.
Speaker 2:I had my daughter felt sick the whole time, so I was like I'm definitely not doing anything right now. It was all yeah. And then once I had her, I was like, okay, I really miss doing something for me. That makes me feel super fulfilled, because my personally, my nine to five is not that for me, it never has been. It's kind of been something like security, where you have the benefits and all that. So I was like, okay, so what am I going to do? So we decided that we were actually going to move from California to Texas and we only did this like two or three months ago, but when you got that you were in Texas.
Speaker 1:Sorry, yes, no, no, no, it's okay. It's okay. Yeah, I forgot. Yeah, what state do you live in? Go on, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what state do you live in? I'm in Texas also, you are.
Speaker 2:Yes, texas.
Speaker 1:Yes, what like major area, so I'm not in a major area. I'm actually in a pretty rural area. I'm in San it, two and a half hours southwest of San Antonio, so I'm in Del Rio, texas.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm in like. Dallas, Fort Worth area.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, so that's like nine hours away, but it's always great. Oh, I love that. I completely forgot.
Speaker 2:I love that. Thank you for sharing. Anyways, so we moved to Texas and I was like, okay, so now that I'm not going to have to have a nine to five because rent is literally half the price of our mortgage, I'm like, okay, so I can finally do something for me. I'm not going to have the stress of the nine to five. So what do I want to do?
Speaker 2:So I started doing all this research like best things to do as a stay at home mom or someone that wants to like be present with their kids while they're also doing something. And then I found a blog and then I got really into following these bloggers and I listened to like almost every one of their podcasts episodes. I was like I got to do a blog. So I started a blog, I built my website and then I just I don't even know how I started getting into all this other stuff, but I was like, ooh, maybe I can do a podcast again. And then I found a thing on course creation and I took another course through that and then I was like, oh, social media, this is a real thing now. You could really like do a lot with this.
Speaker 2:So then I started my social media and then, yeah, it's just kind of all come together and I've always wanted to be a public speaker. So that's kind of my next phase that I'm working on, so I have like so much going on. And then also the coaching business. I ended up finding an amazing mentor who's helped me so much and I realized I think I can help a lot of people like one on one or in small group coaching or even like within courses or memberships. There's just I'm literally open to any and all of like the opportunities that go into entrepreneurship. So I kind of started building all of these things and they've just all been progressing and growing as I've been going along with it.
Speaker 2:And it's all been so quick. Like it's only been, I think, like not even six months since I got the idea that I like wanted to start everything. So then I decided, okay, moms really need help. Like we don't have enough support, we don't have enough resources. We have a lot of things that we wish we could be doing that we're not doing. I want to connect with more moms, especially because I'm moving states and I was. You know, like you just never know who's out there, and so then I was like, okay, what am I going to do with this? And again I kind of went into the same thing about, like, personal development, health and wellness, and then I realized this is just too broad, like there's too many things to talk about with all these things. And then I reached out which?
Speaker 1:is a great problem, right.
Speaker 2:It was a great problem, but I was like, if I really like I really want to be known for something and I really want to be in a very specific area, especially because, like the internet and everything is so like, there's so many people, but I really want people to know like I can go to her for this one problem and she will really help me. So then I talked to like 30, like 30 or so of my close mom friends and I asked them what they were most struggling with and the answers were work, life balance, motivation, different things with their relationships, different things with self care, wanting more time. And then I kind of realized, oh my gosh, all of these things really relate to boundaries. Like if these, if all these people really knew how to do like their scheduling right, how not to be over committed, how to say no, how to let things go that don't serve them, they will feel so much better in all these different areas. And I don't even think that a lot of people realize how much all of these things are interconnected and how you can really make massive shifts in growth and improvement in all these areas and then it can lead to like better mental health, better presence, less guilt, and there's just so many problems that it solves that.
Speaker 2:I was like I feel like this is it. So I just started creating some content about it and I loved it and it's really resonating with people like very quickly. And yeah, and I felt so passionate about it, I was like I need to go start doing guest podcasts and just like getting some experience talking to people about it and stuff. And I've seriously like loved it and I definitely know that this is my calling in what all my keynote speech, my speeches, will be about and the rest of my content will be about and really what my whole brand is going to be about it. And so now my, my nickname for the bold momico is Bold Mama Boundaries and that's going to be the name of my podcast too.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, that's awesome. Yeah, one thing I do want to highlight for people who are listening right now, all the moms who are listening and might be thinking I wish I had her clarity, I wish I knew what I wanted to do, but from what I was hearing about Whitney talking about, is she just kept going and digging and trying to figure out what really resonated with her. And one of the people that I follow his name's James Wedmore, and he always talks about how consistency creates clarity.
Speaker 2:I love that story right now.
Speaker 1:Really just is like a really great example of that being so true, because I know we can get bogged down and in the feeling of I just don't know what I want to do. But if we just keep doing and consistently doing, we'll finally figure out what it is that really we want to do or what resonates with us, and I just wanted to point that out.
Speaker 2:I love that.
Speaker 2:I am not even kidding, if you didn't mention it I was going to say one of my favorite quotes is by Amy Porterfield, and she said action creates clarity.
Speaker 2:So it's kind of like the same vibe, yes, and I just feel like that really resonated with me when I went through her course and did some work with her and I was like, okay, well, if I just keep going, if I just try to be 1% better every day, if I just try to do one thing with my business, if I just try to talk to one person and ask some questions, like look at how far you can come even in a short amount of time, by being able to just like stay positive and have like an I'm going to figure it out kind of attitude, that's, that's something that I really think is probably my best quality, honestly, is like I have an I'm going to figure it out attitude.
Speaker 2:I don't care how long it's going to take me, like this time I'm determined really to stick with it, like this is going to be like a huge empire and I'm going to really be able to help people and I know this is it for me. And so it's just having that mindset of like if you're really determined, like you will stick with it and just kind of like evolve over time and a lot of people talk about especially within like the entrepreneur space or like career, is like shit being able to pivot and shift with all your different like ideas and rebranding and stuff and that's all okay, like nobody. Yes, it's like you have to be on like a set path. Doing one thing Like that's why we're a lot of people are doing these kind of jobs is because you have like the full autonomy to do whatever you want. So it's like if I don't like that anymore.
Speaker 2:I don't have to do it anymore, but if I love it, I'm going to stick with it for a long time. So I just I love that idea for especially for, like our entrepreneur moms out there that just like you have the ability to do whatever you want. You don't love something, you don't have to stick with it, but you just you got to give it a little bit of time to figure it out. Yes, but in just going with like what feels right, to like when I was doing some things and I was starting, like when I first started my social media platforms and stuff, I was just looking at the page I was like I think I'm going to delete all this and start all over again. But I'm so glad I did, because what I do, like what I have now, I like love it so much and I believe in it so much and that really comes across like energy too, is so huge to me and I love talking about stuff like that.
Speaker 2:And when you really believe things and you want people to, you know, feel that too, like they will, when you have like that, that confidence and belief in yourself and that's one of my big things with setting boundaries is like when you're asking for, you know help, or you're asking to change something, or you're asking to Do do whatever you want. In being able to set a boundary for yourself, your energy and your confidence is like the number one tip that I have, because if you're unsure with yourself, other people aren't going to believe you or or take it as seriously. But when you come out across like this is benefiting me, this is benefiting you, this is benefiting the whole family, and this is why I need to do this Like people are going to be much more receptive to that. When you want to ask for like time for yourself, or you know whatever you need to do to take care of yourself, if you come at it with that perspective shift of like help, like how this is going to help the whole family, that is like super helpful too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it also highlights how Because I'm thinking well, people might be thinking well, how do I get there? How do I know? Yeah, how do I build that confidence? Or how do I know that this is going to benefit my family? Yeah, and it comes down to having a vision for yourself of how you want your life to be. Because if we're not already thinking, if we're not allowing ourselves to imagine and dream that I could have a more elevated life or a life that I truly desire, you can have the life that you desire. But if you're not writing this down, if you're not allowing yourself to dream it, then it makes it harder to have the confidence or to set the boundaries, because we don't know what we're setting them for. I love that so much.
Speaker 2:No, I love that so much. That's something that I've actually thought a lot about. Is like for myself at least I always had so much pressure and overwhelm about getting engaged, getting married and having a family. Those things, to me, were must-haves in my whole life. But now that I've accomplished them, I feel like moms need to have this perspective shift. I have of being like, oh my gosh, now you don't even have to worry about those things anymore. You got it. Now what else can you do to make a bigger impact on your family and on the world and have a bigger message and a bigger purpose in life?
Speaker 2:Once you're a mom, it doesn't mean that your life and your purpose has to end. I think, if anything, it's just the start, because you've already gotten a lot of the things that you wanted out of your life and that family aspect. Now that you have that solid family dynamic where it's not like you're dating and you're like I don't even know if this person's going to call me back, there's so many things that you no longer have to worry about. Just take all that energy that you're now saving and put it towards something so much greater and bigger than yourself.
Speaker 2:I have so many goals for my platform. I want to start a charity and I want to write a book and I want to do all these things. But none of that would have happened if it wasn't for the right timing and me having all these things that I already have now. I don't think that my platform before survived because I wasn't in the right mental place and I didn't feel solid in myself and in my family unit to be able to go all in. If that makes sense, oh yeah, I love that it makes that good for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and some people might be thinking what are you talking about all this energy? I don't have any energy. I'm drained at the end of the day, and that really comes down to boundaries. Are we asking for help? Are we open to receiving help? Maybe your partner isn't helping enough. There is things to do about that. But outside of your partner, there's other people who are probably willing to help you. Are you embarrassed to ask them? Are you afraid of what you think they might think of you? Those are barriers to you setting your own boundaries, and it's something to think about, because boundaries is what's going to help you take back or save some of that energy.
Speaker 2:Yes, 100%, I completely agree with you. And asking for help and knowing when to say no or when to say yes, all of those things are very important to setting boundaries and knowing like I was talking to a mom through social media the other day who was saying that she was so drained because she goes to work so early in the morning, gets home, has no time to play with her kids, has to cook dinner and then it's just such a long day for her and I felt so bad for her. But a lot of the things that have really turned my life around with a lot of these boundaries and just things are really having big mindset shifts, of being grateful and trying to make the time that you do have and feeling like you always have a choice. Is there a job that she could be doing or somebody else could be doing? That is like less time consuming, where you could make the same amount of money, or work part time from home, where you are with your kids more, or I don't know. Like I honestly made the choice when I was going back to work, like after COVID and being able to work remotely for so long, I was like I am never going back to a nine to five desk job in my whole life.
Speaker 2:Like after I got a little taste that remote life, I was like this is for me. Because I'm someone that's so self driven and motivated, I know what I need to do. I don't need to go to an office for somebody to tell me what to do. I know I'm an entrepreneur now but it's just like if you, it's just all about like learning about yourself, but what you truly need and what you truly want, and like asking you know the universe, or putting out that energy, like if you don't want to ever go back to that or if you want more time with your kids, like what, what kind of things could you be doing to make those shifts or changes? Or like put control back into your life where you're making these types of decisions.
Speaker 2:And I know every one situation is very different and we don't all have as much like flexibility, sometimes with different things or might be in a very specific field or whatever. But I think, just coming from that place of having a very empowering mindset shift of I can do anything that I want. I am fully in control of my situation. What do I really want to be better? Am I stuck in limiting beliefs that are holding me back from doing something greater that I really want to do. Am I following the path of my parents? Like my, my mom was someone that worked for the state and constantly was like you have to. You have to do a nine to five, you have to get a pension. You have to do this.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was always kind of experimenting and breaking that mold, and so it's just all about you know what do you truly want to do and how are you going to make that happen? By having a more empowering like mindset shift with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and again I think it goes back to are you allowing yourself to dream and to dream big? Oftentimes we we get too. Our focus is too much on is this realistic? But that really keeps us stuck and in in a place where we can't dream. And the dreams are really what helps us to expand, to expand our reality to to meet those dreams and desires.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100%, I, I, I totally resonate with everything that you're saying, and it's just so great to talk to somebody who also, you know, believes in these things and that it is really important as moms to keep training and to keep believing in yourself.
Speaker 2:And so, even if it's not like a job or a side hustle or anything like that, if you just even have like some kind of passion, project or something that you're working on separately like I know a mom that really loves to garden and that's her little outlet Like I think we all just have to find some kind of little outlet for ourselves, no matter how big or small, but something that we can just look forward to, that we get to either be alone, or that really fulfills us by ourselves, or something that we're purely working on, that makes us feel like so good and accomplished and really like fulfilled Cause I personally am someone that just never wanted to lose myself, like once I had a baby like my.
Speaker 2:My mom did that and she always told me like don't ever do that. You need to either keep working or have a project or be doing something and you need to keep healthy. And you know, especially with social media these days, there's so many like expectations and stuff in a in a good way, honestly, because it's showing like so many moms out there who are able to work and keep healthy and who are doing a lot of amazing things and, depending on the content you're consuming, those are the types of people that I like to watch and be around and be like okay, the like it is possible. These are some of the things that these people are doing, but I think it is super important to be doing all of these different things in order to be your best and be, at your most.
Speaker 2:like I said this the other day, I'm like trying to think of what it was. Oh shoot, I lost it. It's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 1:I'm just trying to think of some of the things, Because I do. I will tell people just to be careful with the content that you're consuming, and in that what I'm really meaning is you don't know the support that these people have, that these content creators have, because oftentimes my clients will look at them and go why can't I do this? Why can't my home be this perfect? But they're thinking of it as in. Why am I not the one to be able to do all of these things, when those people are not the only one doing all of those things. They have support. They probably have someone come clean their house, they probably have someone coming to watch their kids or to help meal or to do all of the things so that they can just focus on this. They're not the ones that are doing everything, and I think that's where the social media stuff can become toxic for us is because of how we might be looking at what those people are doing and how they're doing it 100%.
Speaker 2:I completely agree with you. It's really having those realistic expectations and something they have like I don't even know. I think it was a few months ago. I just realized like my house, having it be perfect, is no longer a priority for me, and having that weight lifted off was like huge, because having a clean house, we all want it, but having every toy picked up, having everything sanitized, having it all vacuumed, having it all that it takes so much time, energy and effort and if it's not perfect, it's never going to be perfect, especially when you have kids, especially little toddlers or whoever is running around messing things up, wanting to get in cabinets and all the things. There's always something that you could, but if that is something that's super important to you, draw a boundary around it and be like okay, this is the one thing that is very, very important to me. I'm going to let this other thing go. You literally cannot do it all and, like you said, those people on social media, there is no way. Think about Kim Kardashian having four kids. She's a lawyer. You think that girl does not outsource and have like an insane staff to help her. Oh yeah, we all need an insane staff to help us even at just like whatever we're doing by asking for help, like no one is doing all of these things, if you're letting something go, it's not that big of a deal and that's totally normal and that's what you should be doing. And you need a little bit of that mental release of like, okay, I'm going to let this one thing go, it's going to be fine, my house is not going to fall apart.
Speaker 2:I was talking to another friend a few months ago and she was like my kids are not going to remember if there was some dog hair in the corner. No, I'm like, what a great point. I think I asked her that day it was still when I was obsessing about having a clean house and she was like, yeah, are they going to remember? I was like, no, they're not. What a great point.
Speaker 2:And I, from that day on, I was really able to like move on and be like okay, I don't need to really worry about that anymore, like I'm going to do my best. Are you doing your best, are you? And then like like, these are the things that I'm willing to do, like day to day, and if I can't get to them, it's not that big of a deal. And then for the deep cleaning, if I have to hire a house cleaner, I have to do it, or all like the big projects that I want to do are only on the weekends, are not during the work week, where I'm trying to do like other things. And really having like that schedule kind of helped me and, like you said, setting those realistic expectations. But oh, yeah, yeah, having being able to follow those other people is just like there's no way they're getting the gym without somebody watching their kids. There's no way that they're doing this without like doing something else or real prepping, or having a chef or a house cleaner. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And sometimes these people have a set in their home where that's where they do everything. That's the one room that is pristine or right. I mean, I've seen people that they've used some kind of maybe wallpaper as a backdrop and it's in their kitchen, but their kitchen doesn't actually look that way and it's just. It's just part of the creating process. Yeah, sometimes people's homes actually do look like that, but you can't tell the difference of who's is a set and who's is their actual home, because even the people on YouTube I remember my son when he was younger or would watch this, this one kid and the parents they were always playing.
Speaker 2:I mean, there's lots of those, I feel like I know you're talking about because my my friends. I think it's called kid city.
Speaker 1:Well, I think you know, I don't know this was a while back, so there wasn't as many as there are now, because he's eight now. So this was when he was younger, okay, and they, they had a house that they lived in, but then they had another house that that's where they would do all of their recordings. I believe that look different. Oh yeah, so things could stay crazy because they would do so many crazy things with just playing, because they're you know, their audience was kids and they're making a huge mess or whatever, but that's not their home that they live in, so they're going to do whatever they want. And it's similar to us yes, that's not me might not be the room that they spend time in, so it's easy to keep it clean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, I love that. It's so true. And like social media and all that, it's all about like what we want people to see. Like obviously, I'm going to show you this very nice, like plain background. If I were to go somewhere else it would look like a hot mess, like, but that's just reality of like this is what I want it to look like. This is my perceived situation, but it's all just depending on how people like want you to think of things and and how they want to cross, especially on social media and just remembering it to highlight real and 90% of the time, the things that are being shown are not realistic.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's like, like you said, what kind of content you're consuming or what kind of value you're getting from it.
Speaker 2:And really making that shift for me was a really big change of only following people who I either want to be like or who are inspiring me or who have flipped me. Like I don't watch the news, I don't watch sad stuff, I don't even go on Facebook anymore because there used to be like things that would trigger me. And making that big boundary shift was like really big for me knowing like what's going to affect me, what's actually valuable for me to know, and then, because it really is powerful, with what kind of content you're consuming. And then just getting like inspiration from other people or wanting to learn like different business things on Tik Tok or whatever, and just being like, okay, if I'm going to go on here to scroll, I mean they're going to learn something, be inspired, or be like surrounded by somebody that I think is like worth my time, or like my friends that are really worth it. So that's a big, that's a big boundary, even like with your phone and your, your content.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I, I don't watch the news either. I guess I haven't heard anyone say this I, that they don't watch news. I don't watch the news either, because it's it's well. I haven't watched the news basically almost since COVID, or if I'm going to my grandparents, they usually have it on so.
Speaker 1:I didn't watch it with them, but it was. There was just too much stuff it was. It was not good for my own energy. It was almost depressing or stressful and there isn't anything I can really do about it. But that's not to say that I don't stay on top of what's going on in the world and what's going on. But there's other ways to get that information without being stressed about something that is completely out of your control. For the most part.
Speaker 2:That was like I wish I could do, like the hundred emoji with, like the little line that was just so freaking accurate to what I've been trying to say is it's like all these things are so out of your control. Like why are you going to stress about something and let it affect your precious energy but you can't do anything about? Like it's also. It's also sad and horrible, obviously, but there's only so many things that we can do for it. And like we're not there, we're not the decision makers, we're not doing these things.
Speaker 2:So if it's not something that's bringing you joy and bringing you value, like why do you feel like you have to do that? Or like have to to watch it or have to be around it? And it's just making conscious changes and things and looking out for yourself. Like that's something huge about all my things that I talk about is like what are you doing for you? Is that really bringing you value? Is that bringing you joy? If it's not, why you're doing it? And like really doing some self discovery on figuring out, like what is the best serve you and what's going to help you the most.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah yeah, what can you do in that 30 minutes hour of time? How I mean? Sometimes I know people watch longer, but for the most part they're the what right, the five o'clock news segments or the morning news segments. What can you do instead? Yeah, your precious time and maybe even add to your energy.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and what the? So going back to what we've been talking about boundaries this whole time, yeah, yeah, it's been very. Yeah, not in a very obvious way.
Speaker 2:Yeah but to get to work on it. That's what I love about it is you can really thread it into so many different topics, like it really is related to so many different things that you don't even realize until you start doing stuff like this.
Speaker 1:Yes, what are some maybe? Maybe myths or pushbacks or things that you've seen people struggle with the most in terms of boundaries.
Speaker 2:I think some of the biggest things that I have seen people think of boundaries is it's like black and white.
Speaker 2:Like it's either you have to do this or you have to do that, or you're either going to upset somebody, lose a relationship, or it's going to be like everything's perfect. Like I feel like in every situation there is no black and white. Like I love like that gray spectrum and I love like all of the positive things that boundaries can do for you. And it doesn't necessarily like even though I personally have let a lot of relationships go and things have happened in my life and that it was totally like negative and horrible and those people hate me like there's. There's like it's all about like how you're viewing things and, I think, just being open to that right area and figuring out what's really going to work for you and how are you going to like communicate things or have it come across in a way that also works for them. I think that that's a really big thing that people struggle with. I think people also struggle with just feeling like they like literally have to do it all. Like you said, with the like cleaning thing. They feel like they have to have a perfect house. They have to have the perfect relationship, they have to have the perfect parenting style, like all these things.
Speaker 2:When really setting boundaries, my whole thing is you can.
Speaker 2:My whole thing is actually you can do it all if boundaries are in place and it's not just in a day, like you're not doing all of these perfect things in a day, but overall, if you're just doing a little bit of these things all the time, overall it'll add up to things being better like later on, if that makes sense. Like people think that they have to be super mom and get like 50 things done in one day, when really, if you just focus on your like top like three to five priorities for the day, implement those, then you'll feel so much better, so much more accomplished. Really focusing on like oh my gosh, I really did get so much done by getting these things done. Now I can focus on other things and just having that shift I think is really big for moms of being like you can do it all if boundaries are in place and having that little bit of like you don't have to do everything all in a day. It can be over multiple days or a little bit at a time if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah and again it goes back to you have to be planning, you have to have an idea of what direction you want your life to go, because if you don't, it's gonna make it even more, it's gonna make it harder to do all those things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, setting those priorities for yourself is super, super important. Like hit is number one, my, honestly, my business is number two, my marriage is number three. My house is probably number four to five, like down here.
Speaker 2:You know like and that's being honest, is like my business is something that's very important to me and I take a lot of time and energy and effort because I know that this is something that's gonna really like last me my whole life. And when I am really able to be the best mom and the best business woman, I can honestly be a better wife because I have filled up my own cup and then I can go and like feel like better about the things I'm talking to my husband about, or feel more fulfilled in myself, or feel like I'm in a place of like empowerment with my own like decision making and asking for help and things like that.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's such a great point when we allow ourselves, as moms, to do something for us that gives back to us, that fills our cup. However you wanna think about it, you show up as a better mom, as a better wife, as a better professional, because you took the time to do something that's going to bring you back some of that energy that is always being depleted. Things are always taken from you all of the time. Are you taking the time to put that energy back?
Speaker 2:Yes, 100% and doing some self discovery on. What does that look like for you? What is most important to you, like for me, in the morning, that's doing my mindfulness, doing my grounding, doing a walk or a workout, doing reading and having an hour before my kid wakes up at least to do all those things and then like drink my coffee and just like relax. Like that for me is like a huge thing that I have to do before I'm able to go on to any other part of my day with like work or social media or any of that. For, oh yeah, I have to be in business stuff because I have to be in like the right mindset in order to help other people the best that I can and to be at the most productive level.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and even playing around with your own schedule. So the mornings work for you to do those things in the morning. I used to think I need to get my workouts done in the morning, and so I used to work out at eight after I dropped the kids off. And then I realized that I was starting to resent working out, because I wanted to be working like in my business, because the morning times are really energized time for me. I feel great, my creativity slowing, so I'd be in the gym thinking about all the stuff and then I'd be like I can't do anything about this because I'm working out and I'm supposed to be focused here.
Speaker 1:So I ended up, and partially one of the reasons that I had made that decision was my husband was working overtime and so it just didn't work. But then eventually he wasn't working overtime anymore, and so it allowed our schedule to expand a little bit and I could work out in the afternoon. But I had forgotten that that was a option because for so long they were on the mandatory overtime, and so I finally switched. I said, let me try this, and it was because some things were happening in the mornings. I think my kids were having appointments that I had to do. So I said I'll just go work out in the afternoon after you get home, and it gave me two hours of time by just moving that one hour to the afternoon because I was rushing to get my kids out the door so that I can get to the gym by eight, so that I could have an hour, and then I would have to allow myself to cool down and then get ready.
Speaker 1:So now I actually gained two hours by moving that one hour slot at the end because I wasn't rushing. I was more relaxed. I what is it? Am I a workouts or better? Because I was going to the gym fueled instead of having not really eaten anything because it was so early. And so playing around the point of that story playing around with your schedule and figuring out where you might move things, that's going to be better use of your time. Maybe it'll open things up for you, because it's been such a huge shift for me being able to move my schedule like that. Again, I feel like I gained two hours of time because I was wasting my own time basically going to go pick up all the kids. So basically I'm at the gym and my husband's doing that by the time I get home to the gym, they're barely getting home or they may have been home for like five or 10 minutes. We just switched roles.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that, the whole idea of like playing around with things and not feeling so stuck. Like a lot of times, I feel like a lot of these things in our head are like we have to do this at a certain amount of time, or like this makes the most sense, but we're not willing to just like get out of that a little bit and try something new and be like, oh, maybe this other thing will work for me better, maybe I should just try something new, like you did. Like that's a great example. It's so important to figure out what really works for you. Like, even though a lot of other people really like to work out in the morning and that works for me right now, that doesn't mean that it's going to work for me in a year from now, when my daughter's in a new phase and a new schedule. So just being willing to adapt like that's really good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so if someone wanted. Oh, I wanted to make a point earlier when you were talking about people's fears of losing friends or losing relationships because they're setting boundaries. I had, I think it was last night. It was either last night. It had to have been last night because I haven't been on Instagram this morning. Last night I had seen a post that had said, basically, that people are so afraid of losing friends or family because of boundaries, in reality you're losing. This is very extreme. Is it? In reality you're losing? Manipulators and there was something that manipulators and takers or something like that yeah, I get that Aren't really there to support you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I told you. Yeah, that's something that you definitely have to realize is like relationships are a two-way street, and if you're not getting as much from them as they're getting from you, like why are you in a relationship with them? Or like, can you cut that back? Or how do you want to like change that situation so you can like ultimately feel better?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and people just sometimes don't know that maybe something's bothering you. Or it just reminds me of this podcast that I was listening to. It's been a while now. I think it was Mel Robbins. It's a podcast that she has on Audible and she was talking about oh yeah, I love her, she's great, she's also the author of the five second role and other things.
Speaker 1:But she was talking about how she had a friend who had recently was going, she was going through a divorce and this, her and this friend would go walking every morning.
Speaker 1:But for a while this friend was just talking about the divorce and Mel would say I was just getting really frustrated and irritated that this was all she was talking about and I missed our you know our chats. I missed my friend. Yes, she's going through this thing, but it doesn't have to take up our whole walk. And so she finally brought this up to her friend, said hey, in a way that her friend could hear hey, I love you and I hate that you're going through this, but can we talk about other things as well during our walk, because I miss you and I miss hearing all the aspects of your life? The friend had no idea. The friend didn't even realize that she was taking over this walk, which was just supposed to be like a nice relaxing walk in the morning that they did together. You realize, sometimes we don't realize what we're doing and we need someone to let us know like, hey, can we talk about something else? It's, you're not being a bad friend, you're just letting them know.
Speaker 2:I love that that's a battery. Yeah, I love that. That's so great. Yeah, a lot of times, like we're not aware, especially when we're going through like kind of like a traumatic or big situation in our life. Like a lot of times, we just want to like talk and vent and we don't even realize like how long we're doing it for, and then someone needs to cut us off with love and be like yeah, like what's going on? I want to talk about this other thing. So that's like such a great example of setting a boundary. Oh, my god, I've heard just being like you know, I really enjoy our time together, coming in with like a very nice perspective shift of like I love our friendship, our value, our friendship. I want it to be like this. I want it to be like where we have a great conversation about all aspects of your life. Like what do you think about doing this instead? Like, oh, I love that, that's so good.
Speaker 1:Yeah and at the same time, when we can trust that we have people in our lives that are gonna tell us this, if we can trust that our, our friends or our family are lovingly gonna tell us hey, can we talk about something else please, because I know that this has been hard for you.
Speaker 2:Right, if we can trust.
Speaker 1:Then we would be able to trust that we could open up and talk about these things and not have the worry that, oh, I'm gonna be too much or I'm gonna bring them down, because we know that they are gonna tell us if that's the case because oftentimes we don't even open up because we're afraid that it's gonna be too much or we're gonna bring someone down and then we end up isolating ourselves and that's not good either. But being able to have boundaries and know people are gonna let us know could really open that up for us and be able to allow us to really use our support system, our village, like it's intended.
Speaker 2:I agree for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, we are running out of time, unfortunately, but if someone wanted to reach out to you, what is the best way to get a hold of you? I know you have a mailing list which I will link up in the show notes, but can you talk about a little bit about what being a part of your mailing list entails?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my mailing list is growing and I'm going to be putting out a lot of content about like whatever new things that I am offering at the time, or just reminders about like new blog posts or podcast episodes, things like that. Just gonna be a lot of reminders. It's not even gonna be more than once a week and in the beginning it might even be like every other week, so it's not gonna be a lot of information, just whatever is like crucial, little reminders, just to like get to know you guys and build a little more of a rapport. But my favorite way to actually connect with your audience would be through social media on Instagram or TikTok and you can follow me at the bold momico and send me a message. I would love to hear from you. I always respond to everybody that sends me messages or needs any support or love or guidance. So, yeah, those are the few ways to really connect with me.
Speaker 1:Awesome and I know you have a freebie that's available. That's talking about boundaries. Is we're joining the mailing list be the best way to get that information?
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, so that is the one that's up right now and it is five unapologetic boundaries that every mama must set, which is a really good one. And it's a really good like little overview to get into, just knowing like some basic boundaries to set and like why it's important, and a little introduction about me, and it's in a really cute format where you can kind of like understand a little more about my content. So it's really fun. I like that one a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is. I looked at it and it is really an interesting format. Oh good, thank you. Yeah, so thank you so much, wynnie, for joining us.
Speaker 2:I had the best time.
Speaker 1:Thank you, I can't wait to connect again because I know we will. I know. Thank you again.